Where does she go?

emillionth wrote:

iwillsteal wrote:So...what am I to make of this...?

That if your contact/relationship with that person is going to continually involve that kind of one-sided psychoanalytic guessing with no actual communication about the things that bother you and leave you in doubt, then you're going to go crazy. Guaranteed.

Either communicate or let it go. Stop guessing and analyzing. Not much anything good can come out of it.

anathegram wrote:generally speaking, a meaningful relationship is going to require a certain amount of openness

this is so wise.
makes me think i always wish about communication ,with honesty and expression of feelings and intimacy and hate how people play games and can't say what they feel but then i screw it up because i am afraid too

Yes. I "reach out" to people from time to time, but it's basically just friendship maintenance. I rarely have any intentions beyond having a catch-up conversation.

That's not to say I never want to hang out with anyone again. Hanging out is fine in theory, but anything beyond that is complicated.

naps wrote:friendship maintenance

Exactly! Also, I am coining that phrase.

did you ever go out for that lunch, naps?

I don't like hanging out. It's pointless and I'm always wary of these primates with their constant need to bring each other down to feel powerful.

The dude who is looking for more in the OP should still make the advance. If it doesnt work he knows where he stands.

"Don't do it; She might retreat" is a bad way to weigh up when you're an overthinker like him

-- Thu Oct 25, 2018 6:18 am --

I notice in general on this board (not specifically SPD) that there's almost an apprehension towards rejection so people become inactive to preserve themselves. Different to the not wanting to because solitary.

xcagedsilhouttex wrote:

naps wrote:friendship maintenance

Exactly! Also, I am coining that phrase.

for me is different when is friendship and when is romantic feelings/attraction.i act different.
also probably because i am not schizoid but either i talk everyday to someone or not at all.and there is no middle ussually.
now i remembered a person i should have done maintenance and feel bad because i liked her .

I agree that there is a marked difference between being afraid of rejection and zoning out into your own space. I think quite a few people reject or distance themselves before they can get hurt. Generally it seems to be with romantic attractions.

As a blanket rule, it takes a long time to communicate with me properly. I don't think it has anything to do with fear of rejection or abandonment. That fear generally tends to come up when I am already in a romantic entanglement.

When I like someone, I probably won't even realise it until I have known them for a long time and getting to that point with me is probably very frustrating for the other person.

I think to have a good conversation with someone, they usually need to capture my interest. If people talk to me about mundane day to day aspects, I lack the will to continue the conversation.

^i think i will frustrate others too and nons wouldn't wait for someone.ony enablers would.
why would any healthy person wait ,i am thinking often, and not just not move on.
and weirdly enough i don't seem to have empathy for myself.
i don't know when it comes to abandonment something is messed up.
i wish others to wait for me but when it comes for me to wait i want to abandon them and take revenge.

but yeah avoidance is different with schizoid etc because wanting to be with someone and being afraid is different than not giving a ###$ and just wanting to be alone and forget others exist.
because if someone told me "i was afraid" i would forgive him.if someone told me "i forgot you" i would "hate" him for example.wouldn't be worth it

LeelaTuranga wrote:^i think i will frustrate others too and nons wouldn't wait for someone.ony enablers would.
why would any healthy person wait ,i am thinking often, and not just not move on.

Eh. I don't expect anyone to stick around. I just acknowledge the fact that it could be frustrating.

I am also oblivious about people liking me. Goes right over my head until they make it blatantly obvious and only then does it "click".