I Want To Be A Bitch

Watch out for bitch slaps.

I'm rarely assertive and don't know what being an asshole would help. I'd probably apply it wrong since I don't have strong convictions, which, is why I rarely assert myself anyway. I think being assertive requires some level of $#%^ giving. Of course, it's situational. Maybe if I was putting myself out there and ended up in situations I didn't like, I'd have something to assert. I'm pretty sure I'm locked up fairly tight.

For what reasons and/or specific situations do you want to be a bitch? I am always curious about personal examples. I feel like either my life lacks any reason for expression or I am just far removed from myself so most things feel distant and/or not very close to home.

CityMouse wrote:My rage and anger towards humanity is back.

Mine never really goes away.

How are you today?

What do you mean by anger towards humanity?

I can't answer for Mouse but for me it comes from misanthropy.

iabsurdlyexist wrote:For what reasons and/or specific situations do you want to be a bitch?

I see people as predators who get their dopamine hit from controlling each other. So I want to be General Stonewall, apex predator.

-- Mon Oct 15, 2018 9:09 pm --

naps wrote:

CityMouse wrote:My rage and anger towards humanity is back.

Mine never really goes away.

How are you today?

Yeah mine only goes away when I'm drinking pretty much. It went away for a second when I was a Catholic, but my faith is weak. Stoicism helped too, but who cares about "virtue?" Besides, the voices wouldn't have a black person doing "white things."

I'm doing okay today thanks for asking. Stonewallin' it, besides mom and bf. It's about boundaries.

How are you? I want to add that I really enjoy your posts and like what you have to say.

CityMouse wrote:Yeah mine only goes away when I'm drinking pretty much. It went away for a second when I was a Catholic, but my faith is weak. Stoicism helped too, but who cares about "virtue?" Besides, the voices wouldn't have a black person doing "white things."

I used to use vodka but it made me feel like $#%^ later on. Marijuana works nicely for me. It works quickly like alcohol, but rather than masking anger, it distracts me from it. I'm also on a low dose of Klonopin but that's mostly for anxiety lately.

Also, virtue is a good thing but only if it comes from within you exclusively, not because it's in the rulebook of a club you've joined.

“If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward then, brother, that person is a piece of $#%^.”-Rust Cohle

Thanks for the nice words. I feel weird. I've been having feelz. I think I'm lonely. WTF.

Don't let your dreams be memes.

CityMouse wrote:I see people as predators who get their dopamine hit from controlling each other. So I want to be General Stonewall, apex predator.

So you are being controlled or fear it and want to set boundaries? I don't see a problem with that. You can set boundaries without being a bitch. If others perceive you that way then that's their issue.

I think I mentioned this before but my psychologist said most of his patients are angry and that I am a bit of fresh air. I wonder if I should be more angry about things. I imagine anger as fuel though. I think I'd need to find something to do with it.

CityMouse wrote:But I think if you told people to f off it would just escalate. They would stoop to newer and newer lows. They're just way nastier than I could ever be. So I stay in control.

Maybe not literally "f off" but sometimes, when I have managed to bare my teeth at someone, they have been a bit taken aback and they realise I'm not the bland wimp they thought I was. Maybe in a perverse way they respect me, or at least watch what they say. (In my dreams...?)

Of course I don't want things to escalate. Me winning a slanging match and putting people in their place is just the stuff of fantasy (mine). I can't say boo to a goose.