Selectively Mute

solemnlysworn wrote:"I won't talk to you because [some possible consequence they see from past exposure to trauma] rather than "I'm not your friend"?

Pretty much.

anathegram wrote:pretty sure selective mutism is generally understood to be involuntary and strongly associated with social anxiety

Why would it be called selective mutism then?

Never mind, I just looked it up.

Selective mutism (SM) is an anxiety disorder in which a person who is normally capable of speech cannot speak in specific situations or to specific people. Selective mutism usually co-exists with shyness or social anxiety. People with selective mutism stay silent even when the consequences of their silence include shame, social ostracism, or punishment. Selective mutism affects about 0.8% of people at some point in their lives.

Why would it be called selective mutism then?

because psychiatrists cannot english?

They sure can purscrybe though.

solemnlysworn wrote:What is the difference between a mute and having nothing to say-- You want to communicate but cant?

The difference is often that I want to talk I can't. As I said, it doesn't happen that much anymore but when stressed it's like being an animal frozen in the headlights. Sure you want to act but are too overwhelmed by stress to do so.

When I was a kid this was nearly 100% of the time. The best I could do was a whisper and even that took me being stuck between a rock and another stressful place to the point when I had to force myself to communicate more. The selective, I believe, stems from that. If I was around someone who made me feel somewhat comfortable I could get to a whisper but I can't remember going more than a whisper for those years.

It wasn't (and when it occasionally still does happen) it isn't because of me choosing not to but rather stress tightly holding me back.

although i wasn't unable to speak in such extent. but i understand the feeling of wanting to do something and can't.like you are frozen.
i have felt that.still i have it at times.
i do have this feeling as adult but i guess i have learn to push myself to get over it.but it is sad that most people can do it so easy without pushing themselves .
a strange example when i was a kid i couldn't rase my hand (like never)even if i wanted to answer.i don't know what was that weird thing.it doesn't make sense to me much.
how was it anxiety if i wanted to answer and knew the answer,i don't get it.
i couldn't raise my hand to ask something either.

one thing i learned growing up and regret not having it as a child, is consciously thinking that i do not want noones approval anymore.this is very freeing because you can get over shame easily,you don't care anymore.although i think i have gone to the other side where in order to not care i get detached.
that is not happy either but way better that the first.

LeelaTuranga wrote:i do have this feeling as adult but i guess i have learn to push myself to get over it.but it is sad that most people can do it so easy without pushing themselves .
a strange example when i was a kid i couldn't rase my hand (like never)even if i wanted to answer.i don't know what was that weird thing.it doesn't make sense to me much.
how was it anxiety if i wanted to answer and knew the answer,i don't get it.
i couldn't raise my hand to ask something either.

I did that too. All selective mutism I exhibit as an adult is reflected on extremely stressful events as a child. Holidays (shopping for them or the event itself) put me into that mindset of needing to zone out to absorb the shock in case anyone starts fighting and talk as little as possible so I don't add to the fire. I need to find a way out of there as soon as possible. I don't have to worry about fights now, but my mental muscle memory kicks in and it's kneejerk reaction is to go back to how I thought back then.

LeelaTuranga wrote:this is very freeing because you can get over shame easily,you don't care anymore.although i think i have gone to the other side where in order to not care i get detached.
that is not happy either but way better that the first.

Yep. The most I get is a strong sense of "not pride" where I know not to mention it or let others know. If they find out I don't care but it isn't something I want to hear about. It's not shameful but it is a broken record.

I agree though. If only I coulda learned how to get to it as a kid. It really helps you move further with things in life. You aren't a doormat because you don't care if people make fun of you for saying no. If something embarrassing happens and someone starts to make fun I typically start off by attempting to ignore it so I don't have to hear the record. If I hear it start playing I look them in the eye grinning and obnoxiously make fun of myself for what happened until I can tell they'll never want to mention it again. There's also a type of respect from others who can't do it when it happens. It's so easy for me now but I totally get why it seems like magic to them.

also i think the reason why others can make fun of someone a lot of the times .it's exactly because you need their approval and it shows.if you don't care you have the power.
i wish i could stand up as a kid and say/have as metality " i do not want to belong with the popular ,i do not give a $#%^,i want the one who loves me nomatter how unpopular"

Definitely.

Just yesterday I was just trying to get through a crowded grocery store and tried to signal to answer someone's question with a gesture and they interpreted it the opposite way. I'm also often very quiet. Also twice this last week women I think interpreted my quietness as like grade-school level shyness. Just would rather not talk.

the way I see it, the part of my brain that is involved with interpreting and responding to spoken language is asleep most of the time

works fine once it gets going but it's sometimes a slow process