Selectively Mute

I have selective mutism.

There are some people who I literally cannot talk to. Like nothing will come out.

Suffered with it really bad as a child. Everyone thought I was such a good girl because I didn't speak. Truth was I couldn't ######6 speak because of anxiety. It's funny because really talkative friendly girls and older kids sort of took me under their wings for some reason. Got into drugs and alcohol quite young but still didn't really make a sound. Even got locked up. Did probation for three years and never spoke to probation officer. He took it personal and got me another officer to see. Didn't speak to him either. I remember threatening to knife my social worker once in court when she had me put on a secure order. I've said so little in my life that I can actually remember most of what I've said.

Started using amphetamine in late teens and that's when I started talking more and I got ######6 hooked on the stuff just because it made me talk. Used to call it my lifeline. It was like a miracle cure for me. Took it for years and went absolutely insane with it.

I'm kind of quiet still but I push myself to talk. I can spend days without talking. Its funny how well I do work wise but that's survival.

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well this board seems testy lately.

i've never gone mute. although i do get moments where talking becomes difficult. this feeling of something in my throat settles in and the idea of talking is a big effort. too much. i have to push, like i'm pushing something solid up my throat. i've learned sign language in bits and pieces for times i'd rather not talk but no one else understands it, lol. it's an occasional fantasy that i can just take a break from talking in certain times and places and revert to ASL. in the end though i find it's better i fight that desire. there are certain things i believe are better to fight than give into, fight when it's possible...before it becomes impossible to fight them.

Maybe just a lot of us humans are feeling testy overall due to other reasons? But the goal is still the same. This is a support site. There are plenty of sites to throw insults around, such as Twitter (and nothing wrong with that approach if that is what is needed), but that is easy. Any site can do that.

Personally I found the original topic an insightful one, and would like to read more about that.

xdude wrote:There are plenty of sites to throw insults around, such as Twitter (and nothing wrong with that approach if that is what is needed), but that is easy. Any site can do that.

I disagree. Fostering an environment safe enough to allow both kindness and conflicts to be expressed and resolved is a harder thing to achieve.

It's way easier to police people around and coerce them into repressing whatever they are attempting to express in the name of appropriateness and to sustain the image of the family or community. Of all the toxic approach to mental health, it's just the most conventional one.

A lot of the people who have been displaced from their original forum are testy because they've lost a supportive environment to express themselves, converse, and have discussions

I used to have trouble talking to my ex-boyfriend when we were first dating. I'd be talking, and I'd forget what word I wanted to say, and I'd struggle to say it, sometimes sitting there, just going "um... uh... Uh..." over and over again, even after remembering the word. I don't do it anymore, but and I don't know if that's classified as selectively mute, but that's the closest thing I've come to it.