Urgent dilemma

Hi All

I am just writing to get some advice since I am not very good at dealing with emotions + societal expectations. Last month a closely related relative passed away suddenly (abroad) and I was sad of course, but I didn't mention anything to anyone at my workplace (with the exception of my direct line manager) and did not take any days off either.

Now I am about to embark on a 3 months holiday (which i had booked before this tragedy happened) and tomorrow is my last day at work and I am not sure if i should

1) ask my manager to inform my colleagues of this tragedy next week once I am gone

2) Not say anything and hope they will never find out

I work in an open plan office and even though i am relatively friendly and on good terms with most people I would absolutely hate the level of attention that this would bring towards me + all the potential gossip behind my back with things such as (why didn't he say anything? how could he go on holiday so soon? etc) They don't know of course that my family is very disfunctional and I am not very close to them.

Any advice would be appreciated!

I can see the problem. I hate dealing with… group sympathy or whatever you could call it. Maybe there would be gossip too, I don't know.

So bearing that in mind, I would never do 1. The idea of having to go back in after they've all been informed in my absence feels fairly horrible. 2 doesn't need to be all or nothing. If they find out eventually, like, past whatever the normal grieving period would be, they might not be shocked or whatever. They probably won't remember you going on holiday afterwards either.

Compare and contrast:
"[close person] died last month, I don't want to talk about it"
"[close person] died last year, I didn't mention it cause I don't like talking about that stuff"

I would say don't do anything and don't worry about it.
If you are concerned that your boss MIGHT say something in your absence, just go up to him and thank him for his discretion and confidence for not telling anyone at the office about your personal situation. It will clue him in to not letting the office know in a polite way.

Why does anyone else in your office need to know about it?

If someone in my family died, I'd tell my line manager/HR to get the bereavement leave but that would be it. It really isn't anyone else's business.