Elaborate fantasies

Hi, I just discovered recently what Schizoid is, and I relate to so many things that it’s disturbing. The trait that bothered me the most is the fantasy part. For as long as I can remember, I’ve frequently escaped into fantasies in my head. They are these elaborate worlds, with several characters, in which I am not directly involved, as though I was directing a play. I have several of these worlds and frequently switch from one to another, depending on my mood. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m the one creating them, it’s as though they create themselves, and I’m just witnessing it all, like a movie. Sometimes I get so involved that I will go to bed several hours early to simply indulge, until I fall asleep. I even feel like I have no choice but to play them over and over in my head, until a scene feels just right. The thing is, they are enjoyable to me. I get more emotional involvement from my fantasies than from any real-world interactions. Most of the characters I create are people I can relate to, more than the ones I know in real life.

Other types of fantasies I get are the ones where I have conversations with people that I know, but in my head. For example, if I want to express something to someone or if something is bothering me, instead of talking to the person concerned, I will likely just play a few scenarios in my head. I will get a feeling of satisfaction from that and likely won’t end up talking to the person. For example, I’ve been a bit concerned recently about the fact that I might be Schizoid. Instead of talking to someone, like my partner or my parents, I mentally acted out what I would say in a theoretical context. That was enough for me.

Also, sometimes I imagine that I am being observed by some omniscient entity that finds me and my life very interesting. Some other times, I imagine that a stranger can read my thoughts and is paying attention to everything that goes on in my head. For some reason, I find this very comforting. As though I know that most of my personality will never be seen by anybody, so the idea that someone other than myself is a witness is reassuring.

None of these types of fantasies are deliberate things that I do. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember, somewhat unconsciously. I never really reflected on it until now, I assumed it was normal. I am aware that none of these are real, they are not delusions. I don’t think its detrimental to my life, aside from the fact that my partner probably wonders why I go to bed so early sometimes.

Anybody can relate to this? Is it normal or a clear sign of Schizoid PD?

I'm cool with the fantasies but I disliked how much I stuck in them. I'd kill so much time without realizing hours went passed. If I had things to do, I'd set alarms on my phone. Even then it was hard unless maybe someone was relying on me. Example: If I needed to pick someone up I might be late because I get sucked into a particular "feeling" I was having. It's much harder for me to feel outside of 'em and used to be seemingly impossible. Sometimes in fantasies I might break out in tears. I wouldn't want to leave until I had gathered myself. Also, it's kind of hard explaining to someone why you're in a particular mood when you're either angry/laughing/crying/whatever based off of potentially impossible scenarios that only existed in your head. I've gotten better at focussing on the real world at the very least.

I couldn't tell you how many worlds and characters I've had all together, however I am mostly directly involved. Mine are also very detailed. I've read SPD usually do it the way you described. When I'm not involved, it's more or less similar to how you describe but I do exist in that world...just out of that "scene" and I "don't know what happened" unless the character(s) run it by me. The few times I'm not a character, I feel like a character is more or less one that I'm controlling more than other characters.

Mine too unfold without a script. There might be a concept if something is on my mind but it's very ad lib. It's a natural feel where everything seems (to me) to be flowing along without the feeling of writer's block. Sometimes I "rewrite" scenarios so to speak. I replay from time to time. This usually happens when I'm going through a life problem like you mentioned.

I can relate big time to going to bed early to daydream up fantasies. I remember having done that since my parents happily thought I had finally cured my insomnia as a teenager (when really I wanted to get out of mundane things in the evening with them). I find I do this more when I've had a rough day.

Most of the characters I create are people I can relate to, more than the ones I know in real life.

I enjoy making characters I don't relate to and figuring them out. I normally have one that "gets" me. This is usually a sibling, often my brother (I'm an only child and female). I think it's to make them not too much like me. Usually they're also more mature than me and seem to have more or at least very different life experience. If for any reason I have another sibling, they are nothing like us and rarely do much talking other than disagreeing with us.

I rarely have conversations with people I know. When I do it's someone I haven't contacted in years. I used to with real life folks I communicated with more often but I would accidentally think something was said when it wasn't so made that a rule to not.

If I want to express something to someone or if something is bothering me, instead of talking to the person concerned, I will likely just play a few scenarios in my head.

I hash out the problem with other characters by asking advise or let the problem be in a world but with a character.

I’ve been a bit concerned recently about the fact that I might be Schizoid. Instead of talking to someone, like my partner or my parents, I mentally acted out what I would say in a theoretical context. That was enough for me.

I did this after I was diagnosed. I knew if I talked to my partner I'd likely drive him nuts with constant "coming to terms" with my dx. Helps when others aren't telling you you're being obsessive and "people" being talked to are possibly the same level of obsession as the situation.

Also, sometimes I imagine that I am being observed by some omniscient entity that finds me and my life very interesting.

I grew up in a religious environment and did this in a sense. Lots of sermons told me I was basically going to hell for stupid reasons. I couldn't ever decide at the time whether they were real or not growing up mainly because I wanted to believe the "signs" this being was giving me (that everything was ok) were real.

I think of these fantasies as more or less coping mechanisms that feel good. Problem solving, distraction and a safe way to feel social even if it's not real help most. Even when the events feel sad or frustrating the creativity keeps me in a good mood. This dopamine rush makes them rather addicting.

As for a sign of SPD, I'm pretty sure every PD does it. However, the fact that SPD people keep to themselves probably makes them more likely to be involved in theirs than others.

Myrsky wrote:Other types of fantasies I get are the ones where I have conversations with people that I know, but in my head. For example, if I want to express something to someone or if something is bothering me, instead of talking to the person concerned, I will likely just play a few scenarios in my head. I will get a feeling of satisfaction from that and likely won’t end up talking to the person. For example, I’ve been a bit concerned recently about the fact that I might be Schizoid. Instead of talking to someone, like my partner or my parents, I mentally acted out what I would say in a theoretical context. That was enough for me.

This has been discussed here before, as well as in the AvPD forum. I think it stems from social anxiety.

I like to write, and frequently I will go over a particular scenario or idea by having similar "conversations" in my head. This is both advantageous and detrimental; sometimes I will get good ideas this way, and sometimes I will come up with bits and pieces of things that I would be better off just writing down. If I don't, these things are frequently forgotten.

Sometimes when I'm posting here I will think up replies to replies I haven't even received, or reply to threads that don't exist.

As a rule I don't like to talk about my inner world, either here or with doctors. It seems that exposing any details to the light of day will make them less real to me. I see my fantasies as being very volatile in a vulnerable way and feel a need to protect them from the outside world/reality.

I don't recall ever using fantasy as a coping mechanism or I just never considered my daydreaming an odd thing. Hard to tell what I do differently than normal people. Normal people don't zone out or make up stories in their head?

Mine happen automatically too. But mine are negative in nature, like characters harassing, controlling, and manipulating me. I think it stems from trauma due to years of verbal abuse and harassment. Now I see people as predators. I know to stay away. I think I might be more AvPD than Schizoid, as Schizoids appear to be indifferent about other people and tend to merely see them as boring.

Myrsky wrote: Sometimes I get so involved that I will go to bed several hours early to simply indulge, until I fall asleep. I even feel like I have no choice but to play them over and over in my head, until a scene feels just right.

I've done that. I love tweaking the scenes slightly so that they're better. I don't know why. Those are always scenes that never involve me or real people, I just really like the scenario.

I don't really have the type of fantasies where I interact with other people. I never have those and I don't know why.

I never have the kind of fantasies where I'm being watched by an omniscient being, mostly because I can't kid myself that my life is that interesting.

I think that all types of fantasizing are normal to some extent, but the amount of time spent doing so, instead of other things, is probably not.