Apathy And Control

I have become apathetic towards 90% of externals, seeing as they just lead to misery and even when they don't they're fickle/unreliable, and even when they're not, they're temporary and will only lead to hurt.

So I don't care about anything (or anyone) outside my control.

Can anyone relate? Is this schizoid?

But what can you really do with stuff outside your control? Why would you care for it? I could see having some empathy for some issues but not physically doing anything about it.

I am definitely detached from many things including my own family. I mean, I care because I have to but a lot of me doesn't want to deal with their issues or every day life. We could all just easily do our own thing, just under the same roof. It works that way for the most part but people will be people and either have issues with themselves or have issues with others. Not sure why they can't just control themselves.

I guess that applies to everything. If people would just keep control of themselves and be nice to each other, a lot of issues could be solved. I feel like I put in an effort but what have I gained?

iabsurdlyexist wrote:But what can you really do with stuff outside your control? Why would you care for it? I could see having some empathy for some issues but not physically doing anything about it.

I am definitely detached from many things including my own family. I mean, I care because I have to but a lot of me doesn't want to deal with their issues or every day life. We could all just easily do our own thing, just under the same roof. It works that way for the most part but people will be people and either have issues with themselves or have issues with others. Not sure why they can't just control themselves.

I guess that applies to everything. If people would just keep control of themselves and be nice to each other, a lot of issues could be solved. I feel like I put in an effort but what have I gained?

With family I feel like I don't have to care, so I don't. I don't make it obvious because that's mean spirited and I'm not a miserable biotch, but meh. They will ultimately just die on me.

Yes it seems like almost everyone has serious issues. And they cope with it by attacking each other to feel that temporary dopamine kick. It's very animalistic and not well thought out. Misery loves company. Maybe they're just jealous.

I agree that I have put in a lot of effort. I was very altruistic, social, and caring earlier in life to the point of sheer naivete. Nothing good came out of it. I learned that if to do what's right by other people's standards, not only will you suffer tremendously but, my favorite part, you'll still get condemned.

can you explain more what do you mean when you say your control.
like what is inside your control? or how is inside?

i try to understand and i come to maybe everything that i feel i have no control over is constant source of anxiety that i want to avoid feeling but is imposssible to avoid feeling that without isolating yourself.
you can't even survive.maybe nons do not feel so intense this feeling so they don't mind it.
but i am not sure i undertood correctly what you mean.
i feel i used to be naive too.and the only way to protect myself is to not trust anything at all because i don't trust my judgement anymore.
(i don't think everyone in real life attacks eachother in short term.i think my feeling of luck of trust comes from something deeper in belonging with others than superficial likeability/sociality.)

CityMouse wrote:I agree that I have put in a lot of effort. I was very altruistic, social, and caring earlier in life to the point of sheer naivete. Nothing good came out of it. I learned that if to do what's right by other people's standards, not only will you suffer tremendously but, my favorite part, you'll still get condemned.

I was naive in thinking everybody was in it for the common good, which, has been good because it got me this far. Now the problem is maintaining this new mindset but remaining viable. I'm still a nice quiet guy so while cynical, I still want no part of it and still believe the common good is the right path. But yeah, in control of myself and not wanting anything to control.

I like all your terms for other people. 'Externals' is my favorite so far.

So I don't care about anything (or anyone) outside my control.

What do you define as being outside of your control? You have to be careful about what situations you consider uncontrollable. With a little incentive, many seemingly unmanageable situations can be worked out.

The problem, at least for me, is incentive.

Where people are concerned, that's entirely different. Many of them are manageable as well, but that requires a measure of investment. It's hard for me to invest myself in others because I have trust issues and because frankly, it's boring.

naps wrote: It's hard for me to invest myself in others because I have trust issues and because frankly, it's boring.

I can relate. I find socializing totally boring and what's more, pointless. My relationship is hanging by a thin thread. The amount of incessant criticism I have received has damaged my trust, probably permanently. Not sure what to do about it.

Any personal "point" to socializing?

The only time I really enjoy socializing is if it's a subject that is stimulating and interesting to me (such as abnormal psychology). I really don't have any interest for small talk or getting deeply emotional in conversation since I don't have deep emotions lol it is just boring.

^i don't know how to understand psychology without using deep emotions.i thought all the fun was understand it by using deep emotions.
but i have the same problem often of lack of interest epsecially with small talk.i don't know maybe is some kind of depression were i find everything boring except few stuff. psychology always holds my interest. even when i was at school as a teen.i always like classes/subjects that weren't important for grades.
also doesn't having spd mean you don't mind about critisism?

sakura1 wrote:can you explain more what do you mean when you say your control.
like what is inside your control? or how is inside?

i try to understand and i come to maybe everything that i feel i have no control over is constant source of anxiety that i want to avoid feeling but is imposssible to avoid feeling that without isolating yourself.
you can't even survive.maybe nons do not feel so intense this feeling so they don't mind it.
but i am not sure i undertood correctly what you mean.
i feel i used to be naive too.and the only way to protect myself is to not trust anything at all because i don't trust my judgement anymore.
(i don't think everyone in real life attacks eachother in short term.i think my feeling of luck of trust comes from something deeper in belonging with others than superficial likeability/sociality.)

I mean that I control my thoughts, my emotions, my perceptions, to an extent my body, and my actions. That's what I control. "The happiness of your life is the quality of your thoughts" -Marcus Aurelius. I think it's important to discipline one's thought life. I tried but I think meditation (and definitely "enlightenment") is a hoax. But you can choose your thoughts, at least I have been able to for the most part.

With anxiety, rude comments, crappy events (which are inevitable, regardless of how isolated you are): "Begin with small things. Is a little oil spilt? Is a little wine stolen. Say to yourself, 'this is the price of apathy, of tranquility, because nothing can be had for nothing.'" -Epictetus

These two quotes comes from Stoicism, an ancient Greco-Roman philosophy that's undergoing a revival. The goal is apatheia, or freedom from the passions, inner peace, through virtue. Oh yeah, think they believe that virtue is the only thing of value under one's control, not sure. The Cardinal Virtues are: wisdom, temperance, courage, and justice.

I would also say, from a book called You Can't Afford The Luxury of a Negative Thought: "Avoid People and Situations That Upset You." That's not cowardly, that's intelligent, which was the lesson the cowardly lion learned in the Wizard of Oz. Would you walk into a dark alley in a rough neighborhood at 4 am? That's not smart. That's irrational. There's such a thing as rational avoidance. Life will throw enough unexpected apples at you, so if you feel you want to isolate yourself like I do, by all means, do so.

Hope that helps.