BPD courting SPD

UnfortunateEvents wrote:I personally could sit through a BPD outburst, not listen to a word they say and just be slightly amused without it bothering me one bit.

But for how long in a relationship? Why would a Schizoid deal with that? I think most people have some level of tolerance due to emotions or dependency. Most people also expect some reciprocation or it makes things worse.

sorry i don't have any advice just an observation i hope you don't mind.
i am annoyed with borderlines because it seems like they only want you when they can't have you.
and annoyed with schizoids because they don't want you at all. personally the "no reactions" in romantic interest can upset me more than the overreactions, although both suck. but i take some validation from the reaction while complete flatness and apathy i can't deal with.i would loose interest.(but in professional situations i prefer the no reaction way more. i can't stand the other.)
a lot of people who fear intimacy only chase what they can't have or match together for this reason because none of them wants it.intimacy triggers their fear of abandonment.
they also say usually one has to be the clingy and the other the distant and 2 that are the same don't attract much.
i understand why a borderline would be attracted to someone that is cold,because they want that painfull longing.i don't understand why a schizoid would be attracted to anyone at all to be honest.but i often see married people ,also avoidants and i don't understand how they did to be honest.i don't think i can

i saw a couple in this forum,that one has bpd and the other spd and they say they are succesfully together and it works out but i don't know if they have other dx too that play a role in matching.

iabsurdlyexist wrote:

UnfortunateEvents wrote:I personally could sit through a BPD outburst, not listen to a word they say and just be slightly amused without it bothering me one bit.

But for how long in a relationship? Why would a Schizoid deal with that? I think most people have some level of tolerance due to emotions or dependency. Most people also expect some reciprocation or it makes things worse.

Oh, it would definitely get old and boring. But I think the BPD would be affected much more than SPD. Even with the overbearing and needy nature at times overwhelming someone with SPD.

Can't say I ever met someone with BPD in real life so I have no experience there. I thought a person with BPD would appreciate the stability of someone with SPD. However, if that is counter-productive to what someone with BPD is looking for, then maybe not so good? My mother in law gets irritated that nothing triggers me but it is good for marriage. Well, not when the other side expects an emotional response. Even though I don't get triggered, that doesn't mean I want to deal with it.

During a BPD triggering, you have to wait it out as there isn't going to be anything you can say to calm them down. Even though it really doesn't affect an SPD person, there will be alot of ad hominem attacks and insults. You pretty much just have to wait it out for things to calm down. I'm pretty sure it would be a quite volatile relationship as the apathy would feed into these outbursts.

i am not a good example because i feel i don't match with anyone.at the end even with a non i might "get triggered" somehow.because the problem is me too.
but my point is more like that when someone responds apathetic it upsets me sometimes even more than when someone overreacts.because you can still get some kind of validation emotionally from any reaction than apathy.
but i don't know practically i think the result can be the same.imagine 2 people who overreact is equally bad/abusive.but because i get avoidant i think apathy would make me faster to detached. but it can have the opposite result to someone clingy maybe who is triggered to chase.

it is kind of classic feeling though that apathy can make the other even more upset because it feels like you don't care.even when you don't have a pd.when you fight and the other gets completely blank and flat it can actually makes you more angry,equally with someone who gets upset and irrational back and he is not calm.
so i agree when you say apathy can feed those outbursts.

mBPD wrote:She was hostile when i first went after her...many years ago...but after a while warmed up for me too approach her...i became psychotic and ended up in hospital on meds so i dissapeared for years...when i saw her later first she got scared as hell...then collected herself and started ignoring me as if i dont exist in front of her...will be the same if i try talking when i see her, she will just leave. I really have honest intentions and my BPD behaviour in the past was not my decision...plus it hurts me to see her alone, we are both 40 now, not kids anymore. Please give me some ideas, preferably something i can pull off from a distance...you know BPD without accepatance is a mess

I strongly recommend you find a way to get her email address and send her letter - maybe a page or two - explaining what happened, where you’re coming from now etc.

Yes, a SPD/BPD relationship is possible.

Painful longing that oozes from her is a perfect description of what draws me towards her

mBPD wrote:Painful longing that oozes from her is a perfect description of what draws me towards her

Sounds gross, she should really see a doctor for that...










Just kidding

^

galveston wrote:I strongly recommend you find a way to get her email address and send her letter - maybe a page or two - explaining what happened, where you’re coming from now etc.

Yes, a SPD/BPD relationship is possible.

It is possible. I'm in one and have been for a number of years.

Important warning for op

If you do message her don't plan on anything in return. It will probably be more of a closure thing. I'm not saying she won't read it, (chances are she will) but that she likely won't get back to you. Usually when a person blocks someone they aren't going to contact again.