What to do......

I didn't want to double post and now you are getting the short end because I already forgot most of the posts. As mentioned, a Schizoid wants independence. Your reveal is so we know what we are dealing with and whether we want to and that it is in the past. Why? Because we don't want to deal with it. We are not equipped to deal with your issues nor do we want to deal with any issues. You may want friends, acquaintances, etc. for that.

We may tolerate issues as long as they don't interfere with our happenings. If we are free, our tolerance may be boundless. What may be happening, who knows. Whatever it is may be all encompassing and you need to respect that independence. At times, you may be that thing but at other times, you may not. It's difficult to understand at the moment but you should understand it is not personal.

Personally, I couldn't imagine being with any E let alone an ENFP. Maybe an ENTP. Possibly, just an INTJ would be OK with this. This seems a bit much for a Schizoid.

iabsurdlyexist wrote:I didn't want to double post and now you are getting the short end because I already forgot most of the posts. As mentioned, a Schizoid wants independence. Your reveal is so we know what we are dealing with and whether we want to and that it is in the past. Why? Because we don't want to deal with it. We are not equipped to deal with your issues nor do we want to deal with any issues. You may want friends, acquaintances, etc. for that.

We may tolerate issues as long as they don't interfere with our happenings. If we are free, our tolerance may be boundless. What may be happening, who knows. Whatever it is may be all encompassing and you need to respect that independence. At times, you may be that thing but at other times, you may not. It's difficult to understand at the moment but you should understand it is not personal.

Personally, I couldn't imagine being with any E let alone an ENFP. Maybe an ENTP. Possibly, just an INTJ would be OK with this. This seems a bit much for a Schizoid.

I score very middle of the road on the I/E and the T/F scales. I am probably what would be referred to as an ambivert. I am primarily an ENFP, but I have tested several times as an ENTP. I am really an extrovert out of necessity and the meds I finally found (about 10 years ago) did/do wonders for my social shyness/introversion. I am really able to toggle between introversion and extroversion well. I usually have a very calm energy to me when I am "switched off", meaning when I don't need to perform in business/at work. I actually prefer to have time to myself if I had a choice.

Anyway, the more time I spend here in this forum discussion my issues, the better I feel overall, because it's really helping me get the closure I never got with my ex. I really appreciate you and the other members. I am starting to gain a deeper understanding of the SPD spectrum. Very fascinating. But the best part is, you all have been so kind. TBH I went on a couple of other sites (not to be named)initially and the members were very judgmental and somewhat cruel. I think I might stay here for a while.

One other thing I wanted to ask and I will try to be less present here, at least for a few days.... would a person with SPD prefer to have a serious talk in person or via email? I pretty sure it's going to be email, but I don't want to pretend I know what a schizoid is thinking.

ENFPENTP wrote:One other thing I wanted to ask and I will try to be less present here, at least for a few days.... would a person with SPD prefer to have a serious talk in person or via email?

Well if she's the introverted and reserved type, then I suppose email. But...

I pretty sure it's going to be email, but I don't want to pretend I know what a schizoid is thinking.

Don't pretend anybody here knows what she's thinking either.

You already knew the answer to the question you asked, which makes me think you're not really looking for different opinions and points of view anymore, but for some kind of reassurance instead. If that's what you're looking for, then read the horoscope instead. I'm not even kidding (though it doesn't have to be the horoscope, it's just an example). Something like horoscope advice is actually entirely based on your own interpretation, so it's pretty much just a way to trick yourself into trusting your own common sense as if it's coming from some kind of authority (if that's your thing).

Don't make the mistake of tricking yourself into taking what we say as if we're some kind of authority on someone you know and we don't. Labels are just labels, and she doesn't even have one anyway. It's all just conjecture and speculation and educated guesses at best.

I agree with emillionth. While we all share a Schizoid diagnoses, we are all still different people and may have different underlying reasons as to why we act a certain way. If you have been hanging around MBTI personality forums, it's not any different than someone with the same MBTI.

For example, I have been married 20 years, something you won't find as a trend for Schizoids. This experience in itself can drastically change how I view and do things. I can say with decent confidence that I'd be a different person if not for marriage. As for better or worse, I don't like to think about that.

ENFPENTP wrote:I fallen for her, like no other woman before her....but I can't tell her. I can't say it. Because I know that's the exact opposite of what she wants to hear.

if telling her how you feel would push her away then the truth is in the long run you're boned either way

might as well roll the dice

ENFPENTP wrote:One other thing I wanted to ask and I will try to be less present here, at least for a few days.... would a person with SPD prefer to have a serious talk in person or via email?

email is the third worst form of correspondence, after telephones and actual mail

anathegram wrote:if telling her how you feel would push her away then the truth is in the long run you're boned either way

might as well roll the dice

To a "normal" person that would be the kneejerk reaction (honesty/openess is the best policy). But schizoids dislike intimacy and intrusion for the most part correct? Regardless, I think telling her how I feel might help me curb the obsessive part of my processing. To just get on with it, possibly get some closure and move on with life in general.

anathegram wrote:email is the third worst form of correspondence, after telephones and actual mail

So it's the second best behind "in-person"? Problem is I can't imagine having any sort of meaningful two-way exchange via telephone or in-person. I also think it would be very difficult to get her to meet with me if she had any clue as to the subject matter I would wish to discuss with her.

ENFPENTP wrote:To a "normal" person that would be the kneejerk reaction (honesty/openess is the best policy). But schizoids dislike intimacy and intrusion for the most part correct? Regardless, I think telling her how I feel might help me curb the obsessive part of my processing. To just get on with it, possibly get some closure and move on with life in general.

I'd rather know you are hung up on something. It may be an awkward exchange but it would be even more awkward the more time that passes. Personally, I prefer closure. She may already think the case is closed. While a Schizoid may be secretive, that doesn't mean we don't want the opposite.

"Normal" people are more honest and open? I always thought "normal" people were playing social games. They usually dislike a Schizoid's forthright honesty. I guess maybe it's a subject matter thing.

iabsurdlyexist wrote:

ENFPENTP wrote:To a "normal" person that would be the kneejerk reaction (honesty/openess is the best policy). But schizoids dislike intimacy and intrusion for the most part correct? Regardless, I think telling her how I feel might help me curb the obsessive part of my processing. To just get on with it, possibly get some closure and move on with life in general.

I'd rather know you are hung up on something. It may be an awkward exchange but it would be even more awkward the more time that passes. Personally, I prefer closure. She may already think the case is closed. While a Schizoid may be secretive, that doesn't mean we don't want the opposite.

"Normal" people are more honest and open? I always thought "normal" people were playing social games. They usually dislike a Schizoid's forthright honesty. I guess maybe it's a subject matter thing.

Maybe you're right. Maybe "normal" people are more evasive and untruthful than SPDers. It's hard to tell if she told the truth all the time. The day we broke up she told a little white lie, but she did it for my benefit. She initially told me she was interested in another man, but after poking a hole in her story she told me the truth. She told me there was another love interest because she didn't want me to feel like I was defective. Like she didn't like something about me. Plus we had an agreement that we had an open relationship/no commitment. In the end, I was just getting too invasive for her. Things were becoming too habitual. And I think the "schizoid hunger" played a role. That's my theory anyway.

I like to be honest and open, almost to a fault. For me it takes up too much energy to hold things in. That's why these last few weeks have been exhausting for me.

I get the feeling that she is just an INTJ like you mentioned. Schizoids tend to test INTJ also. I assume female INTJ's are unique and why you'd be intrigued. I'm not saying a Schizoid wouldn't act like she does but it seems like more of a hassle than anything.