May be this girl I loved a schizoid?

think a girl I know could be schizoid.
I study medicine at university, and I attended just last months psychiatry lessons, so I’m a little comfortable with it, even if I haven’t studied it yet.

I loved that girl for 18 months. I felt her distant, but I was able to enter into her life. She had a rich social network, where she posted different photos, but she is also not that kind of girl who searched for popularity on web. Now she has the remants of it, but she became colder than last year.
I fell in love with her in a trouble moment of my life. My bro had a cancer, and I became depressed. I saw her on that social, and her beauty mixed to her sympathy conquered me.
After one year I was able to know her.
I helped her all this year (her last one in the high school) at school. I gave her private lessons at her home. I know also her parents.
I always said her I really liked her, so could be comfortable with me even. She was lesbian too, so I have never tried to force her to love me.
The only thing I wanted was to say her I loved her and made her known of the depth of my feelings. For that I did everything I could to help her and stay close to her during this year.
But ten days ago, after her exam, she blocked me everywhere. I just asked her for meeting her so I could say her goodbye. And be paid for the last two lessons.
But she blocked me...I was disrupted and I went to her home that afternoon, where she wasn’t but I talked to her parents who said me they thought it could happen to me. Cause her daughter is cold, icy. She lacks of empathy (for example her grandmother had a cancer too last year, but she seemed she didn’t mind). She doesn’t talk to them (she started a summer work in a cook of a ice creamery without having said them nothing!!), and she doesn’t like them, who she considers bad parents (but they are not! They are surely better than mine!). They don’t know why.

I noted her coldness too during these months. Everytime I tried to say her something deeper than school, such as telling about how I felt, she ignored me. I thought she was using me, but I didn’t feel evil. Also cause she never use me more than she needed. Many times I had to write her instead, cause I felt like she never wouldn’t do as first!
She never wrote to me or other guys.
She seemed happy on chat very few times. She was no emotional in it. Rarely she seemed volunteered to have a conversation with me. The most of time she was cold, and answered with “yes” or “no”. So I never forced her to talk to me.

Now, after having listened to her parents, I think she could suffer from undiagnosed SPD.
I read the diagnosis criteria on DSM, and im pretty sure she respected the most.
I have psichiatry elements from my med studies. So I’m not a not informed guy.

What do u think about my hypothesis?
I also met her sometimes for the lessons. Even there I noted her absence of a rich repertory of facial expressions. She rarely laughed to me. And she never seemed embarrassed when I touched her on shoulders for example. Or when I tried to be closer to her. I never invade her space. She had a relationship with a distant girl too, so I couldn’t for my moral rules. But I think she is icy with her too. Believe me.

What do you think?

I know she is lesbian, but actually she defined herself as a bisex when I saw her for the first time. And she liked a guy who lived far from her too in the previous year I knew her on social.
But maybe her confused idea bout her sex preferences could derive from the truth she was never particularly attracted by sex (she wrote one time on her social: infact she avoided the argument).

My story is very complicated and long. And I’ll give you all the informations you need progressively. I swear. Just asking me for every doubt or curiosity.

She is 18 now. And she has to start university in the next months.
I desire to tell her or her parents my hypothesis if it is enough solid. Obviously saying them to be quiet: it’s just an hypothesis which needs the confirmation of a specialist, but they said me last time they brought her to a psychologist just one time (against her will), and he said she was a disaster for her mental state. But she didn’t want to go again.
They were desperate, and I thought my idea could help her and even her daughter to resolve partially their problems of communication (maybe it’s for that she doesn’t like them, and why she lies to them).
I know there is also the homosexual problem, but she lacks totally of empathy, and lesbians are anyway girls with emotions!

Waiting for your opinions! Very happy to listen to them!!
My hope is to help her, and to find a way to resolve with her. I think she blocked me cause I don’t serve her now, and knowing if my feelings she was afraid and uncomfortable. I think that cause everytime I tried to explain those ones she ignored me or she was very rude. One time I told her to go outnumber together just for a coffee. She answered me she wasn’t interested in it, and I said her there was no problem. Then I asked her if we would be met again for her exam, and probably thinking I was telling her just to meet her again, she was very rude, saying me to leave her in peace. Then she never answered me for three weeks, coming back just for her exams, when I helped her without giving any pressure over her being able to make her enough comfortable to talk to me with no problems. But always cold, just for one afternoon when she had a conversation with me for half an hour laughing too on chat. Anyway no emoticons: it seems like she hated them! She used only on socials, I think it is a sort of social mask.
She doesn’t go out very often...and she stays frequently at home on the sofa doing nothing more than using her iPhone.


That’s all folks! Thank you for your future answers! Very much!!!

PS: I hope my English is quite good lol, cause I’m from Italy!

Sort of impossible to say from a description, really. It would probably also be against forum rules to diagnose-by-proxy.

But let's say she is schizoid, for argument's sake. Is it really any of your business to get involved with that? I get that she's having problems with her parents too, but… I don't think it's a good idea for you to try to mediate this. Actually, I think it's a very bad idea. That said, if you're going to talk to anyone about it, talk to her.

Sorry to hear about the unrequited love thing. Fa schifo.

Thank you for the answer.

Don’t worry: I don’t want to be sure of my “diagnosis” by asking to you. I just want to know if her description may correspond to a schizoid disturb, as I think.

So no worries
I dont think she wants to talk to me again...how could I? She blocked me everywhere...with no reasonable motif. So I think she could ignore me whether I tried to talk to her.

I saw her parents very desperate for their situation with her. Maybe her bad relationship with her parents could be linked to this minsunderstanding between them due to the SPD they don’t know she could have.
I just want to say them about this possibility: I just adviced them for a visit to a psichologist, for an analysis of their daughters.

They are very concerned about her, also cause they have a lil child and an other pre-teen daughter. So they’d cant concentrate their energy without any progress in her education.
I just want to tell them about my idea, obviously saying them it is just MY hypothesis, and they need a specialist to confirm it. To not say nothing about it to her daughter, but to try new ways of communication. They are good parents. Surely better than mine. I don’t know why her daughter doesn’t feel any form of connection with them. Maybe for adolescence problems. But it could also be her particular character, which doesn’t like emotional affectivity.
But maybe it may help them and also her daughter. Who could finally think about her with more introspection.

I don’t want more from her. I dont love her, not now. I want to mantain a good relationship with her. I mean I want her to know I’m not angry with her, and she can contact me whenever she will want in future. I won’t do. Just for birthdays or Christmas. She is always the first girl I’ve ever loved.

Thank you for answer!

Don't worry: i don't search for a diagnosis from you. I just want to know if her peculiarities could be compatible with a schizoid personality disorder.
I'm not searching for confirmation of my hyphotesis (after all, it's just it: an hypothesis), i just want to understand whether my intuition could be reasonable to your eyes.

Anyway, i'im studying medicine, so one day in future i will be called to evaluate similar cases. And it could be helpful for me.

Why you don't think my purpose to explain my idea to her parents is good?
I couldn't tell it to her: she blocked me everywhere, so if i try to contact her she could ignore me. Or she could be rude with me (last year happened this, for example: i tried to contact her more times, and she blocked me. So i continued for an explanation from her, and the result was she was very very rude with me...but we were at the beginning of our knowledge, and three months later i wrote her again and she wasn't rude, maybe cause i helped her for maths all the afternoon on chat).

They are good parents, and they have two other children: a lil boy and a pre-teen girl. They were desperate cause they don't know how they wronged growing her. Maybe my idea could drive them to really consider she is so, and to not press her like they always did in past. Probably cause they thought she was rude, but actually she never felt understood by them.
Adding her adolescent problems too, it was a bomb mix...

In the case, i will use and choose the best words to explain them about my hypothesis, just telling them there's nothing to worry about, and that they have only to try new ways to communicate to her.
Her indifference maybe is not a sign of a cold heart, but a distinctive part of her being.

I will not contact her in future. I don't love her. No more. But she was my very first love, and i don't want she thinks i have something against her.
Maybe she was afraid from my feelings for her. I felt it was. Cause i tried to tell her just for one meeting to pay me and to greet her forever. After that i wouldnt have contact her anymore. So, why blocking me? Why? I think it's cause she thought i wanted more from her, maybe a kiss. But no.

Italianguy wrote:I study medicine at university, and I attended just last months psychiatry lessons, so I’m a little comfortable with it, even if I haven’t studied it yet.

Are you aiming to become psychiatrist?

I fell in love with her in a trouble moment of my life. My bro had a cancer, and I became depressed.

That's hard

I always said her I really liked her, so could be comfortable with me even. She was lesbian too, so I have never tried to force her to love me.

Anyway one can never force...

But ten days ago, after her exam, she blocked me everywhere. I just asked her for meeting her so I could say her goodbye. And be paid for the last two lessons.

You mean you love her and want to be paid for two hours you spent with her?

But she blocked me...I was disrupted and I went to her home that afternoon, where she wasn’t but I talked to her parents who said me they thought it could happen to me. Cause her daughter is cold, icy. She lacks of empathy (for example her grandmother had a cancer too last year, but she seemed she didn’t mind). She doesn’t talk to them (she started a summer work in a cook of a ice creamery without having said them nothing!!), and she doesn’t like them, who she considers bad parents (but they are not! They are surely better than mine!). They don’t know why.

Eww, i never blocked anyone but - talking to my parents about my issues. oh nooo, i wouldn't like that - at all

I noted her coldness too during these months. Everytime I tried to say her something deeper than school, such as telling about how I felt, she ignored me. I thought she was using me, but I didn’t feel evil. Also cause she never use me more than she needed. Many times I had to write her instead, cause I felt like she never wouldn’t do as first!
She never wrote to me or other guys.
She seemed happy on chat very few times. She was no emotional in it. Rarely she seemed volunteered to have a conversation with me. The most of time she was cold, and answered with “yes” or “no”. So I never forced her to talk to me.

This is about her and you.

Now, after having listened to her parents, I think she could suffer from undiagnosed SPD.
I read the diagnosis criteria on DSM, and im pretty sure she respected the most.
I have psichiatry elements from my med studies. So I’m not a not informed guy.

What do u think about my hypothesis?

I think that with psychiatry elements the world looks very simple, until one goes a little deeper in reasearch and knowledge - and life experience

I also met her sometimes for the lessons. Even there I noted her absence of a rich repertory of facial expressions. She rarely laughed to me. And she never seemed embarrassed when I touched her on shoulders for example. Or when I tried to be closer to her. I never invade her space.

I'm sorry but yes you invaded her personal space through talking to her parents about her, for instance

She had a relationship with a distant girl too, so I couldn’t for my moral rules. But I think she is icy with her too. Believe me.

I believe you

What do you think?

about what?

I know she is lesbian, but actually she defined herself as a bisex when I saw her for the first time. And she liked a guy who lived far from her too in the previous year I knew her on social.
But maybe her confused idea bout her sex preferences could derive from the truth she was never particularly attracted by sex (she wrote one time on her social: infact she avoided the argument).

My story is very complicated and long. And I’ll give you all the informations you need progressively. I swear. Just asking me for every doubt or curiosity.

ok, i continue reading...

She is 18 now. And she has to start university in the next months.
I desire to tell her or her parents my hypothesis if it is enough solid.

I wouldn't do that. I think it's bad to talk about your hypothesis about her, to her parents (and agree with anathegram)

Obviously saying them to be quiet: it’s just an hypothesis which needs the confirmation of a specialist, but they said me last time they brought her to a psychologist just one time (against her will), and he said she was a disaster for her mental state. But she didn’t want to go again.

I understand that she didn't want to go again, if he said she was a disaster for her mental state

They were desperate, and I thought my idea could help her and even her daughter to resolve partially their problems of communication (maybe it’s for that she doesn’t like them, and why she lies to them).

We don't know.

I know there is also the homosexual problem, but she lacks totally of empathy, and lesbians are anyway girls with emotions!

How do you know?

Pleeeaaase take car with labels. All labels. Like someone said here, people are people and labels are labels.

Waiting for your opinions! Very happy to listen to them!!
My hope is to help her, and to find a way to resolve with her. I think she blocked me cause I don’t serve her now, and knowing if my feelings she was afraid and uncomfortable. I think that cause everytime I tried to explain those ones she ignored me or she was very rude. One time I told her to go outnumber together just for a coffee. She answered me she wasn’t interested in it, and I said her there was no problem. Then I asked her if we would be met again for her exam, and probably thinking I was telling her just to meet her again, she was very rude, saying me to leave her in peace. Then she never answered me for three weeks, coming back just for her exams, when I helped her without giving any pressure over her being able to make her enough comfortable to talk to me with no problems. But always cold, just for one afternoon when she had a conversation with me for half an hour laughing too on chat. Anyway no emoticons: it seems like she hated them! She used only on socials, I think it is a sort of social mask.
She doesn’t go out very often...and she stays frequently at home on the sofa doing nothing more than using her iPhone.

I don't know her. The only thing that appear in your message is that she wants you to leave her in peace. That seems very clear.

That’s all folks! Thank you for your future answers! Very much!!!

Well, i don't know her.

I see that you are interested in psychiatry and are aiming to become professional.

So i think it's very important to know yourself well and how you relate to people.
I hope you'll take distance with labels.
I hope you leave that girl in peace and forget about the two unpaid lessons

Philonoe wrote:I'm sorry but yes you invaded her personal space through talking to her parents about her, for instance

When I was that age, if someone had kept trying to meet with me, and talked to my parents about me, and my parents had started acting on those discussions… I'm not sure what would have happened, but it wouldn't have been good.

Philonoe wrote:Are you aiming to become psychiatrist?

I don't think, but i'm very interested in the physiological and pathologic mechanisms of the brain.
Infact i'm oriented towards neurology, which is close to psychiatry.

That's hard

Really hard. I was very depressed and i felt alone, but after knowing her on that social i turned to happiness in just three or two days! And i remain in that state for months.

Anyway one can never force...

Yeah, you're right!

You mean you love her and want to be paid for two hours you spent with her?

Not two hours, but more!

She lives in a lil city 120 km from here, so i need to ask her for money, just the price of the gasoil.
Practically i didn't earn nothing, just few cents
So everyday i went there, i made about 240 km round-trip.

You have also to consider that i stayed with her every afternoon more than two hours, about four, and one day i remain also for the dinner.
The same price i asked her was what a professor asks for just an hour of private lesson.

When i went her home the last time, she didn't pay me for the last two lessons. I thought we would be met again for other lessons, she also said me, but she never wanted them again. I helped her for her exam through chat.
Infact i went her home two weeks ago cause i wanted to be paid at least...but how if she blocked me without any reason?

Eww, i never blocked anyone but - talking to my parents about my issues. oh nooo, i wouldn't like that - at all

A moment: i never talked to her parents before she blocked me!
The day she blocked me, i went her house appositely, to talk to her for an explanation of the causes behind her action. But when i arrived there, she wasn't at home, but there were both their parents.
So i asked them just for the money she owed me, and then i revealed them that her daughter blocked me that day, and i was very negatively surprised of that.

After having told them this fact, they began to tell me about her daughter's strange behaviour. They said me they were concerned for me, cause they know her daughter and her lack of empathy, and they didn't want me to be disappointed cause i didn't deserve for nothing.
They told me some facts about her daughter, and so i began to think about a psychiatric problem and i said them too when they told me about their will to bring her to a psycologist.

They also described her daughter as a girl who didn't talk to them. She didn't eat with her family, prefering more to do alone. She never said them anything, except when she needs for a car passage or something like that.
And other episodes similar to these ones.

What i noted from that, and from my experiences, is her total indifference and lack of sensitivity and empathy. Adding her monosilliabic answer to my message the most of the times, the absence of partecipation in our conversation, and other strange facts i noted when i was with her (for example her absence of reactions when i said she was really intelligent in maths, and she really was)...well, began to think to a personal disorder, particularly SPD.

However, i don't want you to "confirm" my diagnosis. I just want to know if what i'm referring to you is -more or less- compatible with SPD.

This is about her and you.

Yeah. I never knew a person like her. Every person i have ever contacted always tried to talk to me. She was instead extremely sinthetic. And i felt like she didn't want to chat with me more.

I think that with psychiatry elements the world looks very simple, until one goes a little deeper in reasearch and knowledge - and life experience

I think too, but it's for my life experience that i assume that, cause (as i have just written) i never met a person like her.

I'm sorry but yes you invaded her personal space through talking to her parents about her, for instance

Surely, but i never wanted to invade that space! Her parents began to reveal me her daughter's character. I just listened to them, and thanked them cause i realised after those stories that her daughter uses the same behaviour with everybody, not me only.

about what?

About my hypothesis. Is it truthful?

I repeat i don't want you to confirm my "diagnosis" (it isn't, after all), but just to know if i could have right.

I wouldn't do that. I think it's bad to talk about your hypothesis about her, to her parents (and agree with anathegram)

Thank you for your opinion. Can i ask you why?
Do you think now the same after having read this other more exhaustive answer?

I understand that she didn't want to go again, if he said she was a disaster for her mental state

Probably he said that to her parents. It's also possible he didn't use those words. But it is the elaboration of the mother about them.

We don't know.

What?

How do you know?

Again: what? About lesbians? Or about that she lacks of empathy?
For the first, lesbians seems colder than straight girls. But i don't think they totally lack of empathy.
For the second, i explained you in this answer.

I don't know her. The only thing that appear in your message is that she wants you to leave her in peace. That seems very clear.

I know, infact i want to respect that. But she was very mportant for me. So i'd like to tell her parents about my hypothesis, just to propose them a new strategy of communication with her daughter without going to some psychologists. Maybe she also could take more awareness about her by examing her inside.
I just want to help her family, cause they were so confused about her daughter. Her parents are very knd people. They welcome me in their house as i was their son...never happened to me with other friends' parents!

Finally SPD it's not the end of the world, for nothing. So my hypothesis, if well explained, shouldn't be dangerous for her.

So i think it's very important to know yourself well and how you relate to people.

I always related in the best way to people. I'm very kind, polite, available and so on. Infact nobody has ever treated me like she did, also thinking about the sum of hours i spent to help her for nothing in change but her gratitude at least!

I never noted evil in her actions eith me, and no will to manipulate me. Never. For that i simply think about a lack of sensitivity and indifference towards relationships in general.

-- Tue Jul 31, 2018 6:09 am --

anathegram wrote:When I was that age, if someone had kept trying to meet with me, and talked to my parents about me, and my parents had started acting on those discussions… I'm not sure what would have happened, but it wouldn't have been good.

I have just explained there were her parents to begin to talk about her, not me

But thanks for your point of view!

A question: how would you react if a girl who loves you and who demonstrates to you to not want more from your relationship (gratitude apart) tried to know you better? Would you cut every contact with her, despite all her help to you?
Would you do for fear, if yes?

However, i hope my english is quite good!
I'd be more comfortable to tell everything in Italian (obviously ), but i don't believe you would understand me, lol!

Italianguy wrote:I have just explained there were her parents to begin to talk about her, not me

That's a fair distinction, but imagining myself in that situation, I'm not sure I would feel any better. With my parents initiating it, I might actually feel worse.

A question: how would you react if a girl who loves you and who demonstrates to you to not want more from your relationship (gratitude apart) tried to know you better? Would you cut every contact with her, despite all her help to you?
Would you do for fear, if yes?

I've experienced those things before, but not all from the same person. Honestly, I don't know how I would react. I don't like being a jerk to people… but sometimes "not being a jerk" is a low priority.

The most recent person who tried to get to know me better in real life probably didn't love me (since we'd only just met) but she clearly wanted to be friends. She asked me out a couple times. She seemed nice. I'm kind of relieved I never saw her again. She used to live right around the corner - for all I know, she still does.

For fear? Maybe. I need a lot of time alone. I didn't want to risk losing that time.

However, i hope my english is quite good!
I'd be more comfortable to tell everything in Italian (obviously ), but i don't believe you would understand me, lol!

Your English is definitely better than my Italian!

Italianguy wrote:[
I don't think, but i'm very interested in the physiological and pathologic mechanisms of the brain.
Infact i'm oriented towards neurology, which is close to psychiatry.

ok

Really hard. I was very depressed and i felt alone, but after knowing her on that social i turned to happiness in just three or two days! And i remain in that state for months.

So it was good for you

Not two hours, but more!

She lives in a lil city 120 km from here, so i need to ask her for money, just the price of the gasoil.
Practically i didn't earn nothing, just few cents
So everyday i went there, i made about 240 km round-trip.

ok i thought it was just for the time spent

When i went her home the last time, she didn't pay me for the last two lessons. I thought we would be met again for other lessons, she also said me, but she never wanted them again. I helped her for her exam through chat.
Infact i went her home two weeks ago cause i wanted to be paid at least...but how if she blocked me without any reason?

ok i understand. Apparently nothing happened and suddenly you were blocked.

A moment: i never talked to her parents before she blocked me!
The day she blocked me, i went her house appositely, to talk to her for an explanation of the causes behind her action. But when i arrived there, she wasn't at home, but there were both their parents.
So i asked them just for the money she owed me, and then i revealed them that her daughter blocked me that day, and i was very negatively surprised of that.

Ok i understand.

After having told them this fact, they began to tell me about her daughter's strange behaviour. They said me they were concerned for me, cause they know her daughter and her lack of empathy, and they didn't want me to be disappointed cause i didn't deserve for nothing.
They told me some facts about her daughter, and so i began to think about a psychiatric problem and i said them too when they told me about their will to bring her to a psycologist.

ok i understand better.

They also described her daughter as a girl who didn't talk to them. She didn't eat with her family, prefering more to do alone. She never said them anything, except when she needs for a car passage or something like that.
And other episodes similar to these ones.

So they seem to have lost contact with her.

What i noted from that, and from my experiences, is her total indifference and lack of sensitivity and empathy. Adding her monosilliabic answer to my message the most of the times, the absence of partecipation in our conversation, and other strange facts i noted when i was with her (for example her absence of reactions when i said she was really intelligent in maths, and she really was)...well, began to think to a personal disorder, particularly SPD.

However, i don't want you to "confirm" my diagnosis. I just want to know if what i'm referring to you is -more or less- compatible with SPD.

ok

This is about her and you.

Yeah. I never knew a person like her. Every person i have ever contacted always tried to talk to me. She was instead extremely sinthetic. And i felt like she didn't want to chat with me more.

From what you told it's difficult to know if it depends on her or on you and her.

I mean : personally i don't fit criterias for spd (and i post here very occasionally) but if someone comes too close, i can become more and more sintetic and distant.

I think too, but it's for my life experience that i assume that, cause (as i have just written) i never met a person like her.

ok - and you were hurt, i imgine.

Surely, but i never wanted to invade that space! Her parents began to reveal me her daughter's character. I just listened to them, and thanked them cause i realised after those stories that her daughter uses the same behaviour with everybody, not me only.

ok.

About my hypothesis. Is it truthful?

I repeat i don't want you to confirm my "diagnosis" (it isn't, after all), but just to know if i could have right.

ok - sorry i don't know about hypothesis.

Thank you for your opinion. Can i ask you why?
Do you think now the same after having read this other more exhaustive answer?

Personally i find it intrusive.
Like i said, i found all the story with the parents intrusive.
I understand that you talked to them and i imagine they gave you the money when you were there.

We don't know about her story. If she blocked you she probably had some need to protect herself and didn't find other way to do so. Talking to the parents and talking about her and trying to diagnose her is somehow coming closer to her although she clearly needed more space.

I understand that she didn't want to go again, if he said she was a disaster for her mental state

Probably he said that to her parents. It's also possible he didn't use those words. But it is the elaboration of the mother about them.

That's the problem. When i read about psychiatrist's attitude - at least what is reported here - very often they seem to lack empathy towards the person they examine. That appeared in these words.
What do they know in an hour?

Plus she is a teenager. It's difficult to create or keep the contact with a teenager. That sort of attitudes is perfect to lose contact with them plus make them lose contact with health services in general.
It seems to me.

What?

I don't remember. I suppose the "we don't know" was related to the relation between mother and daughter.

How do you know?

Again: what? About lesbians? Or about that she lacks of empathy?
For the first, lesbians seems colder than straight girls. But i don't think they totally lack of empathy.
For the second, i explained you in this answer.

All this.
For instance deciding that a group of people lacks empathy.

I know, infact i want to respect that. But she was very mportant for me. So i'd like to tell her parents about my hypothesis, just to propose them a new strategy of communication with her daughter without going to some psychologists. Maybe she also could take more awareness about her by examing her inside.
I just want to help her family, cause they were so confused about her daughter. Her parents are very knd people. They welcome me in their house as i was their son...never happened to me with other friends' parents!

So it was somehow nice experience for you. She made you get out of depression, then you like her parents.

Finally SPD it's not the end of the world, for nothing. So my hypothesis, if well explained, shouldn't be dangerous for her.

I still didn't understand why you want to discuss the diagnosis. For her, for them or for you?

Well i have no idea about this story of diagnosis. I reacted more about the generalisations and boundary issues that appeared in your story.

I think - plus if you would become health practioner - it's very important to think quite deeply about those two topics. Because for me, among the best qualities for practitioners - and people in general probably - are infinite respect, in the sense of respect of the person with their need for space - and see the person you talk to as unique.

So i think it's very important to know yourself well and how you relate to people.

I always related in the best way to people. I'm very kind, polite, available and so on. Infact nobody has ever treated me like she did, also thinking about the sum of hours i spent to help her for nothing in change but her gratitude at least!

I never noted evil in her actions eith me, and no will to manipulate me. Never. For that i simply think about a lack of sensitivity and indifference towards relationships in general.

I have no doubt that you are kind, polite, available and so on. She rejected you quite harshly. I understand that you were hurt.
You don't talk about being hurt. You talk about some money due (and paid by parents?) and how she can belong to dsm.

I have just explained there were her parents to begin to talk about her, not me

That's the same. And you are the one who went to their home

A question: how would you react if a girl who loves you and who demonstrates to you to not want more from your relationship (gratitude apart) tried to know you better? Would you cut every contact with her, despite all her help to you?
Would you do for fear, if yes?

Personally i would find it very invasive.

I'm surprised that you don't get that. If i try to keep some distance with a man and he'd come talk to my neighbours, i would be more then upset.

Italianguy wrote:The only thing I wanted was to say her I loved her and made her known of the depth of my feelings. For that I did everything I could to help her and stay close to her during this year.

She probably picked up on those feelings, became extremely uncomfortable and but she knew she needed you to tutor her so blocked you after.

Italianguy wrote:She lacks of empathy (for example her grandmother had a cancer too last year, but she seemed she didn’t mind).

My grandfather died of cancer. I acted the same way. I couldn't bring myself to get sad because I knew it'd be too much for me to handle. I already had to visit him with my parents every day. I didn't want anybody to see me scared or depressed. They were already going through a lot as it was.

Italianguy wrote:She doesn’t talk to them (she started a summer work in a cook of a ice creamery without having said them nothing!!), and she doesn’t like them, who she considers bad parents (but they are not! They are surely better than mine!). They don’t know why.

You do not know how her parents are behind closed doors. Mine came off as loving caring parents who wanted nothing than to take care of me and have me achieve at anything I set my mind to. Out of the public eye my mom (who suffers from extreme postpartum depression and Munchausen's by proxy) would in a deluded way of thinking cause me to work harder than most kids by staying up later to study, doing extra homework, learning tons of skills I never needed and in turn I never had more than 1 friend (barely) and practically no childhood...all to make her look like a good mom. She also would do things to subtly affect my health so she could "take care of me"

In my mom's mind this proved she was a good mom because bad moms don't come off to others as caring parents. A lot of kids at school and their parents would compliment my mom on her parenting.

I'm not saying this is how her parents are. They could very well be fantastic parents. Remember though that abuse doesn't always look like terrible parenting.

Italianguy wrote:Everytime I tried to say her something deeper than school, such as telling about how I felt, she ignored me. I thought she was using me, but I didn’t feel evil.

She didn't want to talk to you. You made her uncomfortable with feelings she didn't reciprocate. Move on. She wasn't using you. You were feeling a compulsive need to tell her something and not getting closure due to her not playing to your obsession with her.

Italianguy wrote:What do u think about my hypothesis?

Like the others have said, we can't diagnose. I feel you're too close and are looking for any reason to understand why she would ignore you. You come off as needy.

Italianguy wrote:She rarely laughed to me. And she never seemed embarrassed when I touched her on shoulders for example. Or when I tried to be closer to her. I never invade her space. She had a relationship with a distant girl too, so I couldn’t for my moral rules. But I think she is icy with her too. Believe me.

She might have intimacy issues with her girlfriend but again, if she says she's a lesbian and you're throwing out signals that you're in love with her (even if you don't say it), that will make a person extremely uncomfortable. That goes for schizoid or not.

Italianguy wrote:I know she is lesbian, but actually she defined herself as a bisex when I saw her for the first time. And she liked a guy who lived far from her too in the previous year I knew her on social.

Oh my gawd right?! I mean she says she's into both but clearly she's lesbian! She's obviously using this "other guy" who probably not even real as a means to throw you off. She couldn't really be into both! I mean you're such a stalker! *Cough* excuse me. I meant to say catch. Such a catch. *Cough*

If the "lesbian" was cold to her distant girlfriend she might very well be trying to protect herself from sad feelings. I've been in distant relationships and was like that with each one (two in total).

Italianguy wrote:But maybe her confused idea bout her sex preferences could derive from the truth she was never particularly attracted by sex (she wrote one time on her social: infact she avoided the argument).

As a bisexual, saying confused about her preferences is insulting. If she avoided the argument that means she doesn't want to talk about her orientation. There are a lot of misunderstandings and fetishizations about bisexuals that grow tedious to try to explain such as why we rarely bother telling people that we're bisexual, why we rarely end up in same sex relationships, why we can't often say we're bisexual to partners, and why we know we aren't confused. It's exhausting.

Italianguy wrote:I desire to tell her or her parents my hypothesis if it is enough solid.

Don't. Let her move out and be happy without having her parents harassing her with how a kid in college who she blocked for making her uncomfortable mentioned she might have SPD when she may actually need to get away from them completely without extra guilt. Since they told you they probably wanted you to mention how concerned they are furthering the gaslighting guilt.

Italianguy wrote:they said me last time they brought her to a psychologist just one time (against her will), and he said she was a disaster for her mental state.

Hey! Guess what? My mom did with me too! She took me out the second the therapist suggested me being ok if I moved out! I was around 17 or 18 at the time too. When her friends asked how it went she pretended she was anti-psych and that therapy wasn't for me.

Italianguy wrote:I know there is also the homosexual problem, but she lacks totally of empathy, and lesbians are anyway girls with emotions!

There are all sorts of personalities with each sexual orientation dear. I mean jeez. I can't count how many types of PD's I've seen in (supposedly because some might be confused) "straight people".
Chances are she's not homosexual. Bisexuals don't have to be more homo/heterosexual but like every other sexual orientation out there...they don't want people they aren't attracted to making them uncomfortable with unwanted feelings either.

It sounds like you chose her to be homosexual because if you can't have her she shouldn't be sexually attracted to any man.

Italianguy wrote:My hope is to help her, and to find a way to resolve with her.

You know nothing about her situation. Don't.

Italianguy wrote:Anyway, i'im studying medicine, so one day in future i will be called to evaluate similar cases. And it could be helpful for me.

It could if you weren't letting puppy love magnify the controlling Florence Nightingale syndrome you seem to be exhibiting (not a diagnosis).

Italianguy wrote:Why you don't think my purpose to explain my idea to her parents is good?

Aside from it being awful to talk behind her back to parents as if she didn't know better her parents may very well be the problem and you don't want to make that a bigger problem for her if you truly do love her. Treat her like an equal not as if you and her mom and dad know better.

So far I haven't read love in so much as clingy objectification.

Italianguy wrote:After having told them this fact, they began to tell me about her daughter's strange behaviour. They said me they were concerned for me, cause they know her daughter and her lack of empathy, and they didn't want me to be disappointed cause i didn't deserve for nothing.
They told me some facts about her daughter, and so i began to think about a psychiatric problem and i said them too when they told me about their will to bring her to a psycologist.

Different point of view:

Instead of her parents demonizing her to side with you, perhaps they were trying to drive you off in a way that met up with your thoughts.

You: She blocked me and is emotionless acting like she doesn't want anything to do with me! After all, I'm totally not a stalker who gives off those creepy vibes!

Parents: Yep. That's her. Give up kid. She doesn't like anyone. She has a medical condition of lack of heart. We tested but we'll do further tests to let you know. Don't worry about contacting us. We'll call you. Don't worry we're parents who check these things out. You're leaving her in good hands. Bye now!

Italianguy wrote:I have just explained there were her parents to begin to talk about her, not me

Ahhh ok so you clearly didn't start the conversation rolling into the topic of how her parents felt about her. Oh wait...

Philonoe wrote:Personally i would find it very invasive.

I'm surprised that you don't get that.

Ah. Let me step in as a person who's viewed this from the outside. You see, like how the lesbian culture lacks empathy Italian culture lacks personal space. They all are like this. Even the confused girl in question.