I Want to Feel Magical!

So maybe this belongs more in the schizotypal forum, but I thought the actual issue was more schizoid.

Pretty much, however odd my ideas and personality may be, I've reached a compromise with the world on that front. So i don't really feel like "positive" symptoms are an issue for me anymore. My problem right now is simply that nothing feels particularly interesting, yet it doesn't seem like a depressed disinterest though. I have a lot of raw energy and feel my attitude is pretty positive, but underneath it all, everything's just sort of blah.

I've tried theorizing, in my own strange way, about how I might uproot that feeling. Most turned out to be dead ends, but I did realize one angle, which my gut says is promising, is "feeling magical." I realized that's the one word that sums up the feelings I no longer have, but used to as a child, when head-over-heels in love, etc.

So why not try to unpack that word and see if there's something more to it? For example, I know scholars actually use the term "sympathetic magic" to describe a lot of rituals in different cultures. Is there something about that ideas of things connecting through form that feeds the emotions?

Any and all thoughts or comments are welcome.

TL/DR: Right now, however I may act outwardly, deep down life makes me feel like this...



But I want to and believe I can feel like this ...

I happened to see this just now, I think you'll find it interesting to watch.

Garlic hummus sauce, man. Garlic hummus sauce. In the grand scheme of things, the grand scheme of things doesn't matter. Lowering your expectations is the key to (the closest thing to) happiness.

emillionth wrote:I happened to see this just now, I think you'll find it interesting to watch.

Haha, Henri Bergson for the win! It's really funny that the guy in the video even imagined himself as a wizard, until Reality from South Park came to burst his bubble

emillionth wrote:Garlic hummus sauce, man. Garlic hummus sauce. In the grand scheme of things, the grand scheme of things doesn't matter. Lowering your expectations is the key to (the closest thing to) happiness.

I do like me some hummus; in fact, I'm eating taco-flavored hummus right now It's synchronicity... and garlic is good for the blood.

More to the point though, I take it you're posting the video to imply we're in a "great god Pan is dead" scenario?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan_(god)#%22The_Great_God_Pan_is_dead%22

I could see where you're coming from, that fantasy, myth, and the feelings that come with it no longer have a place in the current world. So the best we can do is appreciate the little things that work and laugh at the things that don't? I still don't think I'm entirely convinced there's no more magic in my soul (Pan may be dead, but Yossarian lives!)

What I really like about your point though is it clears up exactly where this "split" feeling I have comes from. My outward, positive attitude comes from doing precisely the things the video points out: relish simple pleasures and the humorous follies of the world. If I really do have an inner wizard that can be revived, it would require a technique other than those two things.

A bar near me has some delicious garlic hummus.

I also feel pretty magical.

I think maybe your problem is that you feel or believe that fantasy or a sense of "magic" must have a purpose other than, you know, "it's cool".

muaddib wrote:Right now, however I may act outwardly, deep down life makes me feel like this...

Life makes you feel like that? Or did you mean to say the world (as it exists now) makes you feel like that?

I mean, agnostic or not, life is short, and it provides a wonderful opportunity to experience the possibilities living as a carbon based life form affords you. I'm talking about expanding the arena of things you don't take for granted. Garlic hummus is nice, but if you put down your phone for a minute and dig a little deeper you'll find more. Get some sun on your face. You know, your face, that thing with all the holes in it that allows you to literally take in the world in the way that a tree or a person whose been dead for eighty years cannot. But don't think of it as the sun...think of it as radiation from a distant star that, like you, is slowly dying. Wheeee!

Even if you believe in an afterlife, which is one hell of a foolish gamble, chances are you won't be able to enjoy hummus there, at least not in the same way. My condolences to all the devout Muslim men who are just biding their time, waiting to die and get all their virgins. Did y'all ever stop to think that in the afterlife you probably won't have a physical form, much less a dick to poke them with? Religion is so shortsighted. Aren't you an agnostic, muaddib? Then rejoice! Say to yourself, in the words of some death metal country ballad that has never been written, I aint got no God tellin' me what to do! Run wild! Be as free as your life allows! Dig a hole and see what happens! Ejaculate! That's always a good way to kill ten minutes. Hell, even feel some pain. It's better than feeling nothing, believe me. If you're up to it, make some mistakes! Doors open that way. They may not all be good doors, but aren't you curious to see what's on the other side?

I honestly don't think lowering your expectations is the best way to find enlightenment or happiness or contentment or magic. Adjusting them might be better. Shift your perspective. Look under things. We lower out expectations subconsciously as we move further and further away from childhood. There's no need to push that. Lowering your expectations may give you a sense of relief or comfort, but it's also a loss. You're giving something up.

Admittedly and with some regret, I did not watch that video. I mean, no offense, but thirteen minutes? My innards are oxidizing, man, fast. I got shlt to do.

And get off the fuking internet. It's rotting your brain, which, in it's own way, is more interesting and endless and rife with possibility than 100 internets could ever be.

Ashlar wrote:A bar near me has some delicious garlic hummus.

I also feel pretty magical.

What's your secret? Is it the hummus? My taco-hummus was good, but not magical.

emillionth wrote:I think maybe your problem is that you feel or believe that fantasy or a sense of "magic" must have a purpose other than, you know, "it's cool".

naps wrote:Life makes you feel like that? Or did you mean to say the world (as it exists now) makes you feel like that?

See, that's the issue; nothing feels entirely "cool" to begin with, and I really don't know if it's in me, the world, or just some simple mistake in how I'm seeing things.

If anything, it's sort of like the recent poster described after losing his father, just emotionally shut down. You know how in the past we've had threads distinguishing between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy? Imagine something like that, only for pleasure; I can find cognitive pleasure in things, but I just don't really feel it.

I had the idea for this thread after realizing that while most words for pleasure don't really lead anywhere else, "magical" links back to the idea of "magic." I was wondering if that might lead me to another way of looking at the problem. Maybe emotions require interacting with the world in a way that vaguely resembles superstition.

naps wrote:Get some sun on your face. You know, your face, that thing with all the holes in it that allows you to literally take in the world in the way that a tree or a person whose been dead for eighty years cannot.

I appreciate the advice, but I don't think that's the issue. Over the past few days, I've gone on a long walk, performed tree-surgery, painted and filled cracks in a house, and gardened. All outside and sans phone, but things just don't reach me emotionally. Which isn't terrible because I feel ok, but only a very bored ok

naps wrote:Even if you believe in an afterlife, which is one hell of a foolish gamble, chances are you won't be able to enjoy hummus there, at least not in the same way. My condolences to all the devout Muslim men who are just biding their time, waiting to die and get all their virgins. Did y'all ever stop to think that in the afterlife you probably won't have a physical form, much less a dick to poke them with? Religion is so shortsighted. Aren't you an agnostic, muaddib?

I obviously still have a strong sense of irony, but I'm actually a halfway-convert to Shi'i Islam. I haven't gone all the way and made it official, partly out of laziness and not knowing the basic little rituals, partly because ambiguity is useful nowadays with everyone at each other's throats, and partly because I'm not entirely sure since some of my weirder philosophical ideas might make me heretical.

I agree with the gist of what you're saying though; I don't get why so many people take all the afterlife talk so literally. And I've always seen it as beside the point (excepting situations where risking death is necessary). If there is some God-given meaning to the world, then I'm pretty sure I was put here for some reason other than entrapment.

1PolarBear wrote:Ejaculate! That's always a good way to kill ten minutes.

Haha, that's a whole different tangent I don't particularly feel like getting into. I agree you're technically right, but I've decided sex is one of the most overrated things ever (and no, I'm not a virgin anymore and I didn't have any particularly bad experiences)

Funny, the last comment is Naps' but it's PolarBear's name endorsing it.

For an instant, I was perplexed wondering if PolarBear could have uttered such comment, and heaved a sigh of relief realizing it was Naps ...

muaddib wrote:See, that's the issue; nothing feels entirely "cool" to begin with, and I really don't know if it's in me, the world, or just some simple mistake in how I'm seeing things.

It could be neuro/physiological. I don't think I still have it in me to find anything "cool" without a little bit of chemical help. Things can sometimes be "comforting" when I feel bleh like that, but rarely if ever "cool".

Btw, note that antidepressants might actually cause or worsen that problem. That was my personal experience at least.

ShowJumpingRabbit wrote:Funny, the last comment is Naps' but it's PolarBear's name endorsing it.

For an instant, I was perplexed wondering if PolarBear could have uttered such comment, and heaved a sigh of relief realizing it was Naps ...

Yeah...

muaddib wrote:See, that's the issue; nothing feels entirely "cool" to begin with, and I really don't know if it's in me, the world, or just some simple mistake in how I'm seeing things.

If anything, it's sort of like the recent poster described after losing his father, just emotionally shut down. You know how in the past we've had threads distinguishing between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy? Imagine something like that, only for pleasure; I can find cognitive pleasure in things, but I just don't really feel it.

Would you say anhedonia plays a large part in this? Or lack of flow?

Do you find yourself deriving more pleasire/satisfaction from thinking about the things you'd enjoy doing than actually doing them?

Maybe emotions require interacting with the world in a way that vaguely resembles superstition.

That's what I was sort of getting at before with thinking of sunlight as radiation from a not-so-distant star. In my case, I replace superstition with wonder. I don't need superstition; I have OCD.

Over the past few days, I've gone on a long walk, performed tree-surgery, painted and filled cracks in a house, and gardened. All outside and sans phone, but things just don't reach me emotionally. Which isn't terrible because I feel ok, but only a very bored ok

Occasionally I will have lapses in my flat, anhedonic, so-what, non-magical being where I can actually become engrossed in life, even if for only an hour or so. I try to examine what exactly was in place that led to this state. One conclusion I am sure is significant is time. Having a large chunk of it. But I have specific reasons for feeling that way that I doubt are shared my many others here in relation to this topic.

I obviously still have a strong sense of irony, but I'm actually a halfway-convert to Shi'i Islam. I haven't gone all the way and made it official, partly out of laziness and not knowing the basic little rituals, partly because ambiguity is useful nowadays with everyone at each other's throats, and partly because I'm not entirely sure since some of my weirder philosophical ideas might make me heretical.

Also, you might get deported.

I don't get why so many people take all the afterlife talk so literally. And I've always seen it as beside the point (excepting situations where risking death is necessary). If there is some God-given meaning to the world, then I'm pretty sure I was put here for some reason other than entrapment.

From my standpoint, religion seems to be about preoccupation with the past (reading and re-reading holy text) and the future (constantly updating your passport to whichever heaven your particular faith has assigned you). It almost seems as if life is something to be endured rather than spent.

I've decided sex is one of the most overrated things ever (and no, I'm not a virgin anymore and I didn't have any particularly bad experiences)

That's true. Maybe religion has a good point in that respect. Sex for me these days almost exclusively consists of masturbation, but I do get to feel magical, if only for seven seconds.

emillionth wrote: I don't think I still have it in me to find anything "cool" without a little bit of chemical help. Things can sometimes be "comforting" when I feel bleh like that, but rarely if ever "cool".

I pat myself on the back for not even thinking of mentioning drugs on this thread.

I think as we move further and further away from childhood, the wonder of life, the cool factor, it fades. Maybe it's less about striving to recapture it and more about finding new ways to entertain yourself, as well as re-defining what it means to be entertained.

note that antidepressants might actually cause or worsen that problem. That was my personal experience at least.

Mine as well. It's the primary reason I stopped them.