Feeling More Normal When Home Alone

N1ghty wrote:Yup, I usually get out by night when the streets are empty, walk around, find a bench to sit on, stare at the sky and vape... I leave home by day only if I must.

Hi
I'm the same!
And lately I started feeding cats at night and pet them (or maby I should say 'caress them', I don't know the right word)
I am from Israel.
There is no forum here for schizoid personality disorder in Hebrew.

smirks wrote:I like being the architect of my own brain.

Part of the problem for me is that people regurgitate what they've been exposed to a lot, unquestioned,and I can feel the echo chamber effect. It's difficult for me to buy into it the same way other people do.

Part of the reason I like being alone is that I can formulate my own thoughts and opinions in a more careful, deliberate, authentic way.

But then people notice if you have opinions that aren't formed by the echo chamber, and it does isolate you further in your interactions, so it snowballs.

But if you actually met someone that was not in an echo chamber, would it make any difference?

I don't know about you, but I used to have those same thoughts, and on closer inspection, they ended up being completely false. It's not that people are the same, or echoing each others that bothered me, it was more that they were echoing in a way I did not understand or could participate in, and in some ways, would not participate in, because I did not like it, simply put to its basics.

In order to avoid intellectualization, and be true to yourself, it is always best to try and get to some basic feeling. Like/dislike, fear/anger is good enough.

If you break it down to its logical conclusion, an echo chamber of one, is no better than an echo chamber of many. So the problem is not that it is an echo chamber, it is an echo chamber that you are not part of. My next step was to ask myself, what is it about their echo chamber that I disliked?

But at the very least, whatever the reason might be, it is I believe a step forward to acknowledge the validity of other echo chambers, who's goal may or may not be the same as mine, but at the very least it acknowledges the fact we are all inside a chamber, just a different boat maybe. So now you can actually look at your own boat and see it as it is. In the end, it makes me more appreciative of such chambers, and they have their use.

Yes, it makes a difference when you meet people who are idiosyncratic. Mentally, intellectually, maybe even emotionally for me, it's very enriching. The stimulation is usually not permanent. My brain just likes to crunch through new information, and eventually, that runs out in any new person you meet.

I think it's also a struggle and an application to avoid becoming an echo chamber as well. If your thoughts change and develop, because you are not doing and thinking the same things all the time, there isn't an echo chamber.

There is nothing "invalid" about echo chambers. They just don't do it for me personally.

Ok, so you say if you change, then it is not an echo chamber. Then yeah, I guess you could see it like that.

Right, and I'm not speaking in generalizations either....I know that not everyone will strive to expose themselves to new things if left on their own. In fact, it's probably the opposite. I think that people like to relive old highs, and to some extent, that's how the sameness of interactions develops.

Sometimes I wonder if people who have favorite foods experience the same pleasure every time they eat them, or if they're just trying to reproduce the experience of the one perfect taco they had on April 13th, 1987, which may or may not have had anything to do with the taco itself. It's the same with music, movies, actors, art, experiences, conversations, people?....things that people attempt to repeat over and over. Something about that is connected to social repetition and nostalgia.

I just weirdly never experience a nostalgic pull. I don't want to rewatch my favorite movies, or reread my favorite books, or keep listening to the same music. I'd rather try a new restaurant than go to the same one where I had a good meal. I'd rather have a new conversation with a stranger than have the same conversation with people I know well. I'd rather try a new experience than relive an old one.

There is a few things that explains the behavior. One is that the unknown is scary and the known is soothing. Also the unknown takes more energy, while the known takes less, because you don't make the same mistakes, get better at it, etc.

And then there is the matter of investment. If you invest into something and want to keep it, then loosing it is a bigger loss than if you don't invest. So yes, I believe that this is what explains what you are talking about. Maybe the taco is not the exact same experience as it was at first, but what makes it valuable is the sum of all the pleasurable experiences up to that point.

As for the movies and music, I believe it is a matter of mood mainly, it creates a mood you want. I do this sometimes. Not often but at times it is useful. It's a way to relive a mood that you experienced in the past, and it helps connect the now with the past. I suppose it can be the same for food or anything.

Is it possible that your lack of nostalgia is because you believe the experience is tainted? that happens a lot. Other possibility is that you never really invested in the experience, like you did not emotionally connect to it as it happened, so there won't be a nostalgic pull, since there never was anything to start with. The only real way to invest, is to have hope, hope that the thing will still be there later if you want it. Of course if you don't want it, or don't hope it, you end up staying emotionally apart as it happens. So to invest, you need to think in future terms, and that is what allows nostalgia.

More often and instinctively though, I believe it has more to do with the soothing above. When faced with anxiety, there is a search for soothing, which brings a dopamine hit. That's probably the first impulse, but then it gets more complex with the hope. It's like a base of operation. You go out in the world, do some wars, get hurt than retreat to HQ for medical treatment. Or you stay home and safe, but use empathy to live the war by proxy and then sooth in the same way. The bigger the hurt, the bigger the soothing and dopamine hit, and it gets addictive, especially for some temperaments.

That's what I think about the subject at this point. But yes, I believe the key word here is hope.

I don't think my experiences were "tainted", but they were never sacred either. I wonder what causes people to invest in an experience.

smirks wrote: I wonder what causes people to invest in an experience.

Pleasure and satisfaction.

Eight wrote:

smirks wrote: I wonder what causes people to invest in an experience.

Pleasure and satisfaction.

Hmm. Statements like this make me question whether I've actually ever truly felt those things then. I think I have. Not ...a great deal...with people. But with music yes. But still, long term investment is something I don't do. I'm still always looking for the next thing. Pleasure always diminishes over time, at least for me. I think it must increase, then, for others? I think that's what I don't understand.

My impression is that even people who typically view familiar experiences as consistently pleasurable or comforting will eventually begin to find them understimulating, which usually leads into some kind of wacky adventure or awkward fish out of water scenario, depending on the tone of the show.