Boundary Buster

I've only had 1 boundary buster in my life and it was an absolute horrible experience. No respect, no was not in his vocabulary. He was used to getting what he wanted and I'm pretty sure he was quite beffuddled once he eventually realized I wasn't like the other fools lol. He would text me when I'd clearly tell him I was busy with family etc. He wanted to be my first focus and when I didn't live up to this expection he would resort to guilt trips and ugly words along with as much verbal abuse he could dish out. It was the most TOXIC relationship to date I've ever experienced and although I've learned a lot from it, it isn't something I would consciously become involved in again.

creative_nothing wrote:So is.not complying a common schizoid way of dealing with demands that cross boundaries?

Refusing interaction in the first place would be more accurate. Non complying could be said of many people, and is the normal thing to do. The difference is usually one of being ready to make compromises or not. Generally speaking, people tend to test boundaries and break them just to see how far they can go. In a normal person, it would rebound, with a schizoid, it will hit a wall.

creative_nothing wrote:Is not the inability of expressing feelings a major issue for schizoids?

I don't believe it is. It's just that people assume someone to have certain feelings, so if they don't hear about them, they will also assume that it is repression, but it could be it is not there in the first place. Like for example someone into relationship building, they will assume someone interacting with them has feelings towards them, and those feelings are the reason for that interaction, so they want to know those feelings that don't exist. At least not strong enough to talk about and bound yourself to them while doing so.

creative_nothing wrote:I mean, if we only were able to express annoyance and set boundaries with ease wouldnt it be much easier for us to relate to people?

No, it would not make any difference, because the desire is not there in the first place, since the payoff is not there either. People desire others because there is a payoff, usually an emotional payoff. One is excitement, and the other is to counter anxiety, as far as I know. If you don't derive any of those two emotions in an interaction, there is nothing to care about, or talk about. So obviously, your boundaries will be more extensive and more rigid, if you think there is no good in something. People that don't like anchovies are pretty clear about it, since they derive no pleasure, only annoyance, so they have no reason to accept them at all, and they don't. They will overtly talk against them, and avoid them before the pizza is even ordered. Being assertive does not change their attitude towards it. In that sense, the most annoying people are those that will ask you to prove that you really don't like anchovies, by not ordering a pizza with them. It is the only way they will get it, and once they do, it is too late, while the drama could have been avoided and the pizza ordered instead (without anchovies). At some point you realize that it is pointless endeavor, and just settle for ordering on your own since the reason people order pizza is to have either anchovies or the drama about them.

OneRinger wrote:.

creative_nothing wrote:I mean, if we only were able to express annoyance and set boundaries with ease wouldnt it be much easier for us to relate to people?

People that don't like anchovies are pretty clear about it, since they derive no pleasure, only annoyance, so they have no reason to accept them at all, and they don't. They will overtly talk against them, and avoid them before the pizza is even ordered. Being assertive does not change their attitude towards it. In that sense, the most annoying people are those that will ask you to prove that you really don't like anchovies, by not ordering a pizza with them. It is the only way they will get it, and once they do, it is too late, while the drama could have been avoided and the pizza ordered instead (without anchovies). At some point you realize that it is pointless endeavor, and just settle for ordering on your own since the reason people order pizza is to have either anchovies or the drama about them.

People who tell you what to like or dislike are boundary busters to the extreme.
No sense of me and you or of my taste or feelings and the truth.
They are the center of the Universe or the Universal rule, even though Einstein proved that there is no universal rule.

I got fooled by 1 at work, took me a while to understand what was going on, but finally I saw I was just being used by this person to project his uncertainties on. Maybe it was my refusal to admit that such narcissistic people exist, but now I understand that he would have done anything to get to me, using other people, trying to make me feel jealous whatever. I blame myself a lot, how could I have been so blind.

It was in a period where I thought I could try to be a bit more flexible to other people. I guess he spotted my insecurities and when fully for his joyride. I am stil a bit confused, but in the end if I have to choose between that $#%^, or being alone, being alone is preferable. I don't mind being alone, but I guess I wondered why I seem so different, why can't I enjoy interactions like others seem to do. I will probably never know, it could be a proces that started too early in life to understand. Perhaps most people don't enjoy interactions as well, if you observe them closely you see that a lot of people just look for people with properties that match theirs... it is just gradings of narcissism, and I got a treat of one of the bigger narcissists, it feels like he wanted to give me a lesson in how to become a narcissist too, because it is kind of the norm these days. Anyway he can piss off now.

Sorry to hear that.

Sneaking into people boundaries is terrible Dont blame yourself.

But I was thinking of something far more oblivious. Something as if there was absolutely no other.

I am not sure if I understand. I don't think I would mind people doing/saying things to me objectively, if that's what you mean by there is no other. I get annoyed the other way around, when people deliberately address me with my name, pronouncing it very articulate, as to emphasise something... As if there is some cosmic thing going on, very annoying... I'd rather be treated as a nobody, I don't mind. I just cannot get my head around the fact that people place so much value on other people, like look how big the universe is, how long time has been going/will be going, it is such a gigantic coincidence to be talking to each other at all, how can you be taking this $#%^ seriously...

Hardly such a person messes with me, I can impose myself physically and socially and many of those in the same social cycle as I know that I'm armed and I react when I witness abuses.

I Know I can be quite stubborn and I am ready to defend my space. Problem is, when you are agressive you draw more attention toward yourself.

In that way appeasing may make you get way more easily.

Problem is: Even having to deal with these people is extremelly annoying to me. Not that I cant. Nevertheless this is something of a pain in the ass.

And there will be always another assrow out there.

That's why you end up isolating, it is just easier. It is the same for everyone though, the only difference is that they have a higher reason to do what they do, so higher needs that take over.

I'm at this pizzeria yesterday and I hear "Happy Easter!". I look over and there's this woman looking at me.

"Happy Easter." I say unenthusiastically, staring at my pizza.

"What are you doing for Easter?"

By now I realize she's somewhat developmentally disabled, so I don't want to be overly rude.

"Visiting my sister." I don't have a sister. But it's better than saying "Smoking pot and masturbating."

"Are you having lamb?"

"No."

Do you like lamb?"

"No."

"Happy Easter"

By then her husband or someone had sat down across from her. He appeared to be a few bricks short of a load as well. "Happy Easter!" He said.

By then I knew I was under attack so I shifted my chair so my back was to them and said "Yeah."


Disabled or not, this was social terrorism.