I don't really know what's wrong with me.

I have many of the criteria for schizoid personality disorder but i dont think it fully fits. The only ones that don't match for me are indifference to criticism or praise and flattened affect. I am often regarded as a cold hearted person but I have no problem faking emotions. I think I have been faking it so long that I'm not even sure when I'm actually pretending. Sometimes I will think that I am enjoying someone's company but then I realize that I'm not. I don't know how to explain it but it feels like I'm fooling myself into thinking I'm feeling a certain emotion.

Also, I only care about criticism or praise when it comes to work. I feel like a put a lot of effort into my work and will feel self conscious if I am strongly criticized. I don't care about the praise as much, though. What I do know I have for sure is depression caused by having to deal with people all the time. I work in customer service and it's a nightmare. The only emotions I'm feeling are irritation and anger. That is not a schizoid trait, from what I've been reading. I feel irritated everytime I'm forced to interact with people and have to pretend to be nice. I've been able to do it for a long time but I'm sick of it now.

Basically, I actually hate being around people, even my family members. I'm 24 years old and I've always felt this way but I've been feeling it more the last 2 years. I'm not interested in sex with other people and I lack some level of empathy. The only time I feel fine is when I'm alone. My goal is to change my name and move to another state and avoid contact with everyone I know. I'm tired of their expectations of me. Any insights into what's up with me? I don't actually want to change my personality only the depression.

I used to be angry with or irritated by people because I was depressed. Maybe I still am.

Personalities categories are all a bit specious; it's not like someone can be infected by T. schizoidii and be made to feel a certain way. Hardly anyone will perfectly match the criteria because the criteria are abstract. The question is, does a label help you to understand yourself in a way that is true?

I think a label would just help my family understand what is going on with me. I don't plan on having contact with them much longer but I wouldn't mind giving them a reason why I feel the need to take off. Maybe I'm just a cold-hearted asshole. I've certainly been called that many times.

Also, a label will help me figure out how other people like me live out their lives. How do they find some level of enjoyment? I feel like I'm just existing. It seems kind of tiresome to just exist for 50-60 more years. I'm not interested in anyone or much of anything except my fantasy worlds. So what do I even do with my life? I have a plan to start an online business, at least. That will minimize my face to face interaction with people.

I just wanted to point out that you can be an asshole and not a schizoid. A schizoid can easily be perceived as an asshole due to how they express themselves or lack thereof and irritation may bring that out of them. However, I'd say more often than not, a schizoid is more likely to show indifference.

Anyway, if your situation is causing depression, a change is probably in order.

iabsurdlyexist wrote:I just wanted to point out that you can be an asshole and not a schizoid. A schizoid can easily be perceived as an asshole due to how they express themselves or lack thereof and irritation may bring that out of them. However, I'd say more often than not, a schizoid is more likely to show indifference.

Anyway, if your situation is causing depression, a change is probably in order.

I didn't get the feeling of them being an asshole, but rather an introvert with depression. Depression coupled with not feeling like they are able to be themselves around other can easily make one irritated for sure. I often show irritation around people when I'm not even irritated. I normally tell people when they bring up my demeanor to not take it personally. I say "My resting bored face plus sarcastic tone is because I'm spiteful, and my mom told me not to do it or else it would stay that way." Most seem to be nicer to me after that.

Holodeck wrote:I didn't get the feeling of them being an asshole, but rather an introvert with depression. Depression coupled with not feeling like they are able to be themselves around other can easily make one irritated for sure.

I didn't either until the second post. I mean, if people keep calling you an asshole, there is usually some truth to it. Either way, I just wanted to clear up the difference in case he wanted to go back to his family and say, "I'm schizoid, that's why I'm an asshole".

Depends. There have honestly been quite a number who have referred to me by that or something very similar. Every time it's always someone who doesn't like it that I don't faun over them. Sometimes after a point I do in fact act out being an asshole around them, but that's after they've already gotten on my nerves. Typically it's something like how I should smile more, how I should just change my mindset, or doing anything to get a negative reaction from me.

Often times these people will be acting as though they wanted to be my friend, but since I made it clear that I'm not wanting to it's somehow ok to treat me like that.

The only people I've ever told were my mom who's always said things like the above, and a guy I know who was technically told by my boyfriend. In both cases it honestly did make life easier. My mom quit with her schick and the guy seemed to go from being awkward around me because of my eccentricities to "getting it."

I can understand wanting to get away from family too. I did that as well. It gets tiring over time hearing about what a terrible person you don't feel you are. After a point you feel like "Whelp, it's too hard to please my family anyway, might as well make it easier for both sides!"

Maybe that's a bit over dramatic, but it does eat at a person over the decades.

Typically I will also have that problem. People telling me I should smile more or that I'm too young to be the way that I am. I think since I'm a woman, random people think it's fair game to make comments like that and are surprised when I eventually get irritated. I've been constantly told since childhood: I need to smile, make eye contact, look more interested, put some effort into forming relationships. I don't want or need relationships. Perhaps I'm not a schizoid and depression has just numbed me. But this seems to be linked to my personality- I don't remember not feeling this way.

That makes more sense. It seems woman have a tougher time with not being considered "normal". It's a similar theme in the INTJ personality forums. People seem to have more expectations of what a lady should be and whether they are living up to that. My wife and even more so mother-in-law act that way around my daughters. I'm indifferent and let them be who they want to be. Well, when my daughter let's them rip wherever she is at, I do tell her it's common courtesy to at least excuse yourself.

Yeah with men it seems like they're the "serious type" verses as a woman I've been called a b!tch to my face in my 20's enough for a couple of lifetimes. It's mostly older women and younger men who react that way to me. Hopefully it doesn't bother your daughter very horribly. I've learned to more easily deal with people over time which makes it easier on myself, but I know it's hard to get there.