Surviving friendship?

by **elocs9381** » Mon Apr 09, 2018 10:21 pm

Floaty73 wrote:elocs9381, would you say you are living an authentic life, i.e. being entirely true to yourself?

I'm as entirely true to myself as I can be. Being retired and at this point of my life I feel I am living a more authentic life than ever before.

Holodeck wrote:
naps wrote:
Eight wrote:Really, naps? What about a BPD/SPD combo? That wouldn't last a week.

No it wouldn't. But what a week that would be.

Now see, you'd think that. My boyfriend is all sorts of BPD. I would say I'm a lil easier able to get along with him due to being BP1, but the guy I mentioned previously has not only known him for two decades as a friend but lived with him without issue other than rolling his eyes when he became overdramatic.

Example: "Honey I'm not abandoning you. I simply need you to know I need alone time or I get really irritable as hell. You know those times I get super snappy where you want to throw chocolate at me from a corner? This makes that stop"

All it takes for he and I are calmly talking him down from crazy thinking (admittedly BP1 helps with this since he has to do this to me too), setting boundaries, and making sure he doesn't feel abandoned. It helped that we first met online and didn't get together after knowing each other well for two years. We've had one entire fight in total. The other disagreements have been mature debates that have always been resolved without issue. The schizoid acting friend told me he did the same thing with my boyfriend.

My guy is very black and white in thinking, but thankfully he's willing to adhere to logic and hear a person out. If he's given the facts he's cool with admitting he's wrong.

I guess it's possible that even the most maniacal borderline/histrionic/narc would find limited satisfaction in a relationship with a schizoid. We simply aren't as affected by their games.

Most of my friendships/relationships have been with extroverts. In theory, that might seem as if it would be annoying, but aside from having to deal with a little too much company or socializing it's refreshing in a way. It provides balance, in a way. And for them, I possibly helped with their tendency to always be "on", even when they didn't want to.

by **naps** » Tue Apr 10, 2018 7:52 pm

SkeletonWarDraftee wrote:
naps wrote:My problem is that the social avoidance that comes with SPD is compounded by OCD. Sometimes I don't know where one ends and the other begins. I fear they act as a tag team. The OCD is stronger, I think, which makes it difficult to assess how severe my issues with SPD really are.

How so? I'm not particularly familiar with OCD.

In my case, I have cleanliness and order OCD. Everything must be clean and organized or else I feel incomplete, discombobulated, anxious. The problem is, I don't have the time to keep everything up to my standards (illusion of standards) so there is always a room to vacuum, always a drawer or closet to organize. If I should attend a social engagement, even one that I want to attend, all I can think of is the "mess" I left behind at home. If I go see a movie alone, I can't enjoy it because I think "What am I doing here slacking when there are water spots on the chrome of my sink and books that are incorrectly alphabetized?". So it keeps me in the house doing all that crap. Again and again.

I think the last time I was calm was 1999. I took the summer off and spent the first month completely organizing and cleaning my house. I actually dated someone that summer.

by **Holodeck** » Tue Apr 10, 2018 9:31 pm

My OCD doesn't tend to include cleanliness OCD very often, but I always feel behind on things. Often enough I've used it as an unconscious excuse to not go out. What's worse is I often get so overwhelmed by whatever it is my OCD claims I need to do that I rarely finish whatever the OCD is claiming I need to do (assuming an end would have been possible anyway). Most times OCD has a way of making things continue on and on without an end from it in sight.

by **naps** » Tue Apr 10, 2018 9:49 pm

The thing is I'm not that clean. At least not up to my standards. There isn't enough time. I'm smart enough to know that if I devote enough time to satisfy OCD, then I will have no time to relax (hobbies, vegetating online, watching TV or a movie) and if I deny myself that, depression will set in and everything goes out the window.

Most times OCD has a way of making things continue on and on without an end from it in sight.

One big circle. It's like a gyroscope in my brain.

by **Holodeck** » Tue Apr 10, 2018 10:05 pm

naps wrote:The thing is I'm not that clean. At least not up to my standards.

Yes quite. Like how I work over 8 hours a day (often even on my days off) yet consider myself to be lazy when I'm not working...

By the way, it would barely do anything to my income if I chilled a bit. My brain won't let go of it either way though.

by **naps** » Wed Apr 11, 2018 12:04 am

I sometimes wonder if rather than having SPD, I'm just a matter of my OCD grabbing hold of my introversion and running with it.

by **Holodeck** » Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:14 am

I can definitely see OCD as being a large contributor for me.

Surviving friendship?

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