Love

[quote="naps]Sounds pretty schizoid to me.[/quote]

This experience made me question if I'm actually schizoid. I can agree with some of the traits but I can also disagree: I can't deny I have emotions but they're mostly inside me. Sometimes I think I'm avoidant but then the complete lack of interest in social stuff makes it seem strange. I could have started as an avoidant because I did have a lot of anxiety until two years ago, but then again, it was a combination of anxiety and lack of interest.

The only time I'm interested in social stuff is when cute babes are involved, but then I just kind of not sure if it's really my personality. I can talk, make jokes, flirt, even laugh, but I can't decide if it's part of my personality or not. It feels more like a role in my head.

I used to have full-blown avoidant traits. mainly feeling inadequate, afraid of being judged, etc. Coming to terms with childhood abuse and regaining a healthy sense of self-esteem is what helped with that. I can still feel those feelings on occasion, but it's easy to reason them away.

I'm not sure if there can be any comorbidity between SPD and AvPD. The behaviors are similar, but the motives behind the behaviors are vastly different. I don't think my avoidant traits turned into SPD traits, I believe they covered them up. Abuse can wreak damage far beyond PD development.

EmpathySucks wrote:I can't deny I have emotions but they're mostly inside me.

That's what I always considered to be a schizoid trait. It's not the lack of emotions, but the disconnect from them. Or maybe the fear of them.

appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others

shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

I see these descriptions all the time, worded just like this. Notice the words in bold.

SPD might be an impairment in processing emotions and/or a fear of showing them. Even to ourselves.

The only time I'm interested in social stuff is when cute babes are involved, but then I just kind of not sure if it's really my personality.

Hormones.

I can talk, make jokes, flirt, even laugh, but I can't decide if it's part of my personality or not. It feels more like a role in my head.

When you engage socially does it feel like you're not being true to yourself? It does for me. It's like playing a game or sport that you're not terribly interested in but it's kind of fun just to know you can master it.

I used to have full-blown avoidant traits. mainly feeling inadequate, afraid of being judged, etc. Coming to terms with childhood abuse and regaining a healthy sense of self-esteem is what helped with that. I can still feel those feelings on occasion, but it's easy to reason them away.

Feels like talking to myself.

I'm not sure if there can be any comorbidity between SPD and AvPD. The behaviors are similar, but the motives behind the behaviors are vastly different. I don't think my avoidant traits turned into SPD traits, I believe they covered them up. Abuse can wreak damage far beyond PD development.

I'm guessing they co-existed. My biggest schizoid traits (which still seem to hold) since childhood was preference to remain alone and being a big daydreamer. Did you have some schizoid traits as a kid?

Hormones.

I somewhat miss my teenage sex drive. It was a lot more intense and fun back then. I can still enjoy it but what made it great was the spontaneity. My reaction used to be "holy $#%^ that's sexy" and now it's mostly "nice".

When you engage socially does it feel like you're not being true to yourself?

They feel somewhat inauthentic. While I know it's me doing those actions, I can't say they're part of myself. They fill some sort of void in my communication. If I make a joke, it's because I don't have anything to say; if I flirt, it's because I can't really say anything too interesting.

Maybe this description is better: it feels like my mouth is playing a recording of what to say. Or my brain mimicking actions from a video inside my head.

And despite feeling inauthentic, it somestimes feels normal in a sense that "doesn't everyone do that?".

Did you have some schizoid traits as a kid?

I preferred playing alone even though I frequently played with other kids. As I grew older the preference shifted toward solitude. I vividly remember one specific moment in the middle school years. I was on the corner of my street talking to this kid and suddenly I wanted to get away from him and go home to my room. Being there and listening to music or playing with my dog was clearly more appealing. That feeling never went away.

I used to daydream alot. I'd wander around in my backyard making up scenarios, voicing imaginary conversations between characters. The neighbors probably looked out of their windows and wondered "what's wrong with that kid?"

Daydreaming has become sometimes uncontrollable these days. Sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it, or if I do, it's hard to stop it. Do you have this problem?

I somewhat miss my teenage sex drive. It was a lot more intense and fun back then. I can still enjoy it but what made it great was the spontaneity. My reaction used to be "holy $#%^ that's sexy" and now it's mostly "nice".

I was always extremely into sex. My sex drive is still pretty high. I think it's because I'm in my mid fifties and I fear losing it. It's like I want to cram it all in (no pun intended) before I get too old to have any kind of sexual desire. My problem is the opposite. I still get horny as hell, though not as often, but my physical response isn't as strong. 90% of the time my sexual tension is released through masturbation.

it feels like my mouth is playing a recording of what to say. Or my brain mimicking actions from a video inside my head.

I'm more carefully guarded. I feel a need to choose my words carefully because sometimes I speak a little too bluntly or inappropriately, so I try to be as cognizant as possible in social situations, which isn't always easy. I don't tell jokes or flirt unless I'm fully engaged in my social surroundings. I'm not all that good at flirting. I'm too direct. If someone flirts with me I frequently don't recognize it.

naps wrote:I preferred playing alone even though I frequently played with other kids. As I grew older the preference shifted toward solitude. I vividly remember one specific moment in the middle school years. I was on the corner of my street talking to this kid and suddenly I wanted to get away from him and go home to my room. Being there and listening to music or playing with my dog was clearly more appealing. That feeling never went away.

I used to daydream alot. I'd wander around in my backyard making up scenarios, voicing imaginary conversations between characters. The neighbors probably looked out of their windows and wondered "what's wrong with that kid?"

Daydreaming has become sometimes uncontrollable these days. Sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it, or if I do, it's hard to stop it. Do you have this problem?

I was always extremely into sex.

^Word for word I'd describe me the same exact way. I don't know for sure if I'd have preferred playing alone if I had been given the opportunity, but since I wasn't, I longed for it. <---I guess that last bit too actually sounds pretty schizoid now that I read it.

naps wrote:Do you have this problem?

Yep, lots of daydreaming.

I was always extremely into sex.

Me too. Maybe some schizoid have deregulated sexuality.

Holodeck wrote:

naps wrote:I was always extremely into sex.

^Word for word I'd describe me the same exact way. I don't know for sure if I'd have preferred playing alone if I had been given the opportunity, but since I wasn't, I longed for it. <---I guess that last bit too actually sounds pretty schizoid now that I read it.

That's kinda funny when you put that quote last and the subsequent comment.

EmpathySucks wrote:

Holodeck wrote:

naps wrote:I was always extremely into sex.

^Word for word I'd describe me the same exact way. I don't know for sure if I'd have preferred playing alone if I had been given the opportunity, but since I wasn't, I longed for it. <---I guess that last bit too actually sounds pretty schizoid now that I read it.

That's kinda funny when you put that quote last and the subsequent comment.

Holodeck wrote:

Holodeck wrote:

I don't understand.

EmpathySucks wrote:

Holodeck wrote:

I don't understand.

Not a biggie. Just an immature robot having a giggle.