When family gives up on you

First of all kudos on the lonely camping trip. I love doing that $#%^ it's really good for introspection. Thing is you seem to be in contact with your family. Either cut them off completely with good reasons or keep seeing them. Whether you like it or not there are societal rules to be followed. You can't just do what you feel like doing... if you feel like they are toxic then leave and don't contact them.

PerplexedMan wrote:Whether you like it or not there are societal rules to be followed. You can't just do what you feel like doing

You can choose to disregard the social rules and do whatever you feel like doing, as long as you're willing to deal with the repercussions. For example, I have personally chosen to cut off all non-familial relationships and only see my family once or twice a year. The consequences are that I will not receive any kind of physical or financial support should I find myself in trouble (serious illness, accident, poverty, etc.), and when I die, no one will attend my funeral. I am totally okay with this, but am definitely worried about what would happen to me should I be unable to work and pay for food/shelter.

Um exactly that's my point. You cut contact. Aikin head still has contact with them from what it appears.

N1ghty wrote:Aiken sorry but you are an ass. I always spend family holidays like christmas with my family even though I'm not religious. Its a polite and decent thing to do, to show up at family gatherings. I am a bit of grinch tbh but i am there and i try. Also i dont mind the food.

Perhaps I am an ass, but I feel that had I forced myself to spend time with them, then I would’ve failed to be the smiling, fully-engaged person they want me to be, which would dampen their day. I’m not sure what you’re Christmas experience consists of, but ours have always played out the same; drink, fight, make-up, drink more, fight more, make-up again and pretend none of it happened. I played along for years, I simply don't have the drive to try any more.

Holodeck wrote:To answer op, I wish I had a better answer for families having abandonment issues. I feel like if you've always been that way, then let the person be. If it really comes as a shock, then they aren't exactly trying to understand you as an individual at all (rather seems they more want an idealistic family, which is frankly fake)

Precisely. I particularly despise the trend of taking pictures of the family to put on social media, painting an image of the “happy family” when we all know damn well that’s not what it was like. Back when I did turn up for Christmas, the whole thing felt very superficial.

PerplexedMan wrote:First of all kudos on the lonely camping trip. I love doing that $#%^ it's really good for introspection. Thing is you seem to be in contact with your family. Either cut them off completely with good reasons or keep seeing them. Whether you like it or not there are societal rules to be followed. You can't just do what you feel like doing... if you feel like they are toxic then leave and don't contact them.

I doubt I’ll contact them again. It’s not that they were toxic, I just don’t enjoy sitting there, enduring meaningless small talk, listening to them bring up every bad memory with every drink they take. Darting between feeling sorry for themselves and repeatedly questioning why I don’t have a partner yet. It’s a waste of time.

I'm not completely socially clueless - I understand why they are annoyed that I didn't show up for Christmas again. I just assumed, considering I've been this way for the entirety of my adult life, that they'd have stopped making a big deal out of it by now.