The Spectrum

I often think when i read about couples that if i could choose only one state of mind it would be better.
My problem is that if i find someone more distant i feel abandoned and that he doesn't care enough,
But if i find someone too clingy, there would be a point that i want space and i am freaking out and i feel very similar with what you described.
although theoretically and ideally i want someone clingy to feel loved.practically i feel introverted and want space often and i switch between 2 feelings.
So you see there is a small part of me,that can feel like you but not constantly.

EasyasPi wrote:.Also, It's funny because she had 4 kids that i helped raise. Somehow i managed. They were teenagers, and that might explain it.

Part of the reason we married is i felt i could make a difference. In other words I felt sorry for her, and not too many people are worth it.

I can relate to this. I have a thing (sympathy) for broken and weak people. I help people when they I see they need help. Sometimes they mistake this for affection. When I see someone who is an outsider I introduce them to the group, and try to include them with others and then I withdraw myself from whole group. Any kind of sense of obligation however annoys me I always try to refuse and turn away people without being to direct and saying no directly. I worry too much I might hurt their feelings by action.

N1ghty wrote:

EasyasPi wrote:.Also, It's funny because she had 4 kids that i helped raise. Somehow i managed. They were teenagers, and that might explain it.

Part of the reason we married is i felt i could make a difference. In other words I felt sorry for her, and not too many people are worth it.

I can relate to this. I have a thing (sympathy) for broken and weak people. I help people when they I see they need help. Sometimes they mistake this for affection. When I see someone who is an outsider I introduce them to the group, and try to include them with others and then I withdraw myself from whole group. Any kind of sense of obligation however annoys me I always try to refuse and turn away people without being to direct and saying no directly. I worry too much I might hurt their feelings by action.

Same.

julllia wrote:I often think when i read about couples that if i could choose only one state of mind it would be better.
My problem is that if i find someone more distant i feel abandoned and that he doesn't care enough,
But if i find someone too clingy, there would be a point that i want space and i am freaking out and i feel very similar with what you described.
although theoretically and ideally i want someone clingy to feel loved.practically i feel introverted and want space often and i switch between 2 feelings.
So you see there is a small part of me,that can feel like you but not constantly.

One subtype here looks likes a fit for you:

Discouraged borderline (including avoidant or dependent personality features) Pliant, submissive, loyal, humble; feels vulnerable and in constant jeopardy; feels hopeless, depressed, helpless, and powerless.

From: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderlin ... y_disorder
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N1ghty, hope all goes well, and you find what you need here in the forum ..... *Clicks beer mug with you* in the absence of the emoticon.

when i hear that it bothers me and i want to be evil lol.betray you and not be submissive. but yeah i have read of bpd types too.
when you said that you married her because you felt sorry for her ,sounds awful .you reminded me codependent and narcissistic attitudes.also target for gold diggers

i know one guy who was proud to marry a gold digger,he actually wanted it. he said , i want just to pay some girl and give her home etc for exchange to pretend she likes me. but i don't care if she hates me inside.or if there aren't feelings.
and i often wonder what pd he had. i once thought spd but he didn't seem flat.but now i am rethinking it when i read these posts.
and guess who he married ..lol

I think our marriage is solid. I get along with her extended family and it works the other way, too. They find me a bit strange, but who doesn't. My wife always thought i was a little depressed, but SPD seems to explain the autism bubble.

I keep in touch with her kids and family, more than mine. I just have my dad. Everyone else is distant over there.

I was over her daughters a few weeks ago and played hide and seek and played other games with the girls, they are 4 and 5.

They adore me and won't leave me alone. At hide and seek, I ran upstairs to watch the football game, with her husband, and 5 minutes later they found me and wanted more attention.Lol.

At home here, i have a wagon i attach to the riding lawnmower, and give them tractor rides around the property. They love the attention, unlike me as a kid.

....Random thoughts...... trailing.

that seems nice.and so adorable. now i can't find why are you schizoid. i am assuming that you are because you post here.are you? i know i can't make serious assumptions from one sentence someone said, is just my way to try to understand him more from his reactions.

(btw all the subtypes of borderlines there suck.one is worse than the other to be lol)

I hope not, J. I keep trying to find reasons i am not.

One thing i definitely know is i feel like i'm in an intellectual bubble, always thinking, and distant. I can't pull out of it. And the DSM criteria seem to line up, unfortunately.

But I'd bet money if i walked into to see a doctor, they would laugh at me and say i did not have. No one thinks anything is off is my impression.

@EasyasPi could simply be a dissociative issue.