Get To Know Them

I was once in a relationship with a beautiful older woman. Things were ok for some time but then it went sour. During a heated argument she made an observation about me which sort of surprised me. She questioned me: "you don't seem very interested in getting to know others?". I didn't know how to reply. It actually took me some time to become comfortable in my own skin, to accept that I don't feel things others do. But at that time I was still delusional about my ability to relate to others. I hadn't noticed that people are a LOT closer to each other than I am with anyone. Maybe I noticed but I still believed I could relate. Have any of you ever been called out for your lack of interest in others?

I've been called out about my lack of response, and for not being emotionally connected.

I used to be a lot more in tune with other people and their emotions though. I used to find reward and pleasure in being around people. Now it's not like that. I want to be able to feel that again, and look to socializing as a means to stave off boredom as well as a background change. Now it bothers me when I'm doing it. I don't feel pressured or afraid of embarrassing myself from saying the wrong thing. Honestly I think the thought that I'm not getting the feeling I used to get is a driving force behind my anxiety of wanting it over with

I seem to have lost my ability to feel reward. This is with anything, people or my old intrests. People and things are basically either what I tolerate or don't.

Spot on. That's exactly how I feel. Used to feel something now I feel nothing and don't care. It's funny I feel like my psychotic episode was like the last cementing of my schizoid nature. Now there is no return...

Holodeck wrote:I've been called out about my lack of response, and for not being emotionally connected.

I used to be a lot more in tune with other people and their emotions though. I used to find reward and pleasure in being around people. Now it's not like that. I want to be able to feel that again, and look to socializing as a means to stave off boredom as well as a background change. Now it bothers me when I'm doing it. I don't feel pressured or afraid of embarrassing myself from saying the wrong thing. Honestly I think the thought that I'm not getting the feeling I used to get is a driving force behind my anxiety of wanting it over with

I seem to have lost my ability to feel reward. This is with anything, people or my old intrests. People and things are basically either what I tolerate or don't.

PerplexedMan wrote:Spot on. That's exactly how I feel. Used to feel something now I feel nothing and don't care.

Same here. Only I do care. I look at myself in my late teens as a model of how I would like to be now, but without the stupidity and recklessness. I was never overly social, but I certainly wasn't as reclusive as I am now. It would be nice to hear the phone ring and not get enraged, to accept an invitation once in a while, to be able to go out with friends and not have to cancel work the next day as a result because I've been thrown off track and need to regroup.

@naps I care deeply in a very pissed off way about what I no longer have and how infuriatingly unfulfilling it makes everything.

Also f#ck I know what you mean about cancelling work to regroup. I hate that sh!t

i feel the same. i wear social mask so people don't call me out nor notice but i want to avoid them because i find it boring, i don't feel pleasure nor reward for being social.and i used to feel it more. i don't feel anxiety. i feel exactly like you described above that the reason is the lack of reward,it feels like a chore without reward
i care too because it is really unfulfilling and annoying to live

Holodeck wrote:@naps I care deeply in a very pissed off way about what I no longer have and how infuriatingly unfulfilling it makes everything.

But have you given up? Do you think it's a waste of time to aspire to regain that freedom you once had? I fear that if the answer is yes, it would be like giving up.

Also f#ck I know what you mean about cancelling work to regroup. I hate that sh!t

I had to do that last week. Lost a chunk of money, but it was either that or risk some kind of minor psychotic episode that would overshadow my ability to function for days.

Additionally, if I'm at home enjoying an evening, and someone should stop by, even for a minute, the rest of the night is shot. I can't get back into the groove I was in, even if it was just watching TV.

naps wrote:

Holodeck wrote:@naps I care deeply in a very pissed off way about what I no longer have and how infuriatingly unfulfilling it makes everything.

But have you given up? Do you think it's a waste of time to aspire to regain that freedom you once had? I fear that if the answer is yes, it would be like giving up.

Also f#ck I know what you mean about cancelling work to regroup. I hate that sh!t

I had to do that last week. Lost a chunk of money, but it was either that or risk some kind of minor psychotic episode that would overshadow my ability to function for days.

Additionally, if I'm at home enjoying an evening, and someone should stop by, even for a minute, the rest of the night is shot. I can't get back into the groove I was in, even if it was just watching TV.

I haven't given up no. On occasion I get a very light version of the pleasure I used to get from some things. I can't afford mentally to give up or things will get worse. They have been worse before, and I don't want to mentally go back to the equivalent of a patient catatonically staring out a window because others thought she could use the sun shine. If I can snap out of that frame of mind then I believe there's at least a chance to get better even if it isn't the same as it was.

Yep. I've said before that I look at my life now as a recovery mission.

It's good...no vital to have goals. Even if those goals are to just be normal.

I believe that one should become a person like other people.
-Travis Bickle

..or something like that.

-- Sun Oct 29, 2017 8:09 pm --

julllia wrote:i don't feel pleasure nor reward for being social

I don't either, but in the rare cases where I enjoy being social, I consider that to be a reward of sorts, or at least a success.

At the end of our marriage my first wife called me a 'hollow man' - among the long list of reasons to support this (mostly accurate) was my lack of interest in making friends. Personally, I think that it is more an inability to work out why/when a friendly acquaintance actually becomes a 'friend'.