ok, this could be a problem...

ok first off id just like to point out that im a very proud person and asking for help of anykind is something i never do unless i feel i really have to so no nonsense posts please.

im 18 and really need to leave the house and go to university, unfortunatly they arn't expecting me until october so im stuck here until then. Ive made my room (the attic) into my own private sanctuary until that time. Laptop, minifidge, wireless connection etc ive made it so i don't have to leave often except to stretch my legs and keep my fitness levels up.

my mother reacently commented that she doesn't see me anymore and its like she hasn't got a son anymore. She doesn't know about SPD at all and the real question id should i tell her? this is a woman who has done everything in her power to help me whenever she can and even though i don;t feel anykind of emotions connection to her i do owe her a great deal for this.

i feel she is getting quite distressed about it (although i have a serous lack of empathy so its hard for me to tell) but if i tell her i have SPD it will inevitabley lead to a situation where she
a) trys to help me become 'normal'
b) breaks down and crys as she realises i have no feelings for her at all
c) trys to explain this to the rest of the family and ill have to explain to them why i feel that now i don't really need them anymore and will now pretty much never see any of them again
d) all of the above


This is bad because things are really going to pot right now employment wise and so this might just be a really bad time which is why she is getting stressed about it. If i tell her it will lead to pleanty of big talks, which is bad. i have exams right now so really don't need any extra hassel right now!

But again i feel obligated to let her know why she feels the way she does (i have SPD, its not her fault). But is ignorance really bliss if she is getting distressed about it? Advise would be greatly appreciated as either choice could lead to great (emotional) pain to a woman who is totally undeserving of it.

or she could go into denial and totally dismiss the idea despite all the evidence to the contrary. she does this when matters concern her sons. which is good as it avoids the big talks but doesn't really solve anything and so is kinda bad overall.

stranger im 17 and my parents don't know about my spd, im in the same dilemma.

i haven't got a job and I'll tell her when i get one so i can move out and start afresh (i might not even tell her) all i have to do is visit her once a week few a few hours and that'll be sound

but do what you think is right, i haven't spoken to my family except my parents and brother since christmas.

do what feels right for you and have a plan and stick to it
(i always need a plan otherwise nothing gets done)

If you feel telling her will be beneficial in some way, tell her, but in my experience it's a bad idea. I told my mother about SPD a couple years ago, and she didn't understand. She found it depressing and said, "I think it's a phase and you can change." My aunt and I are relatively close (as much as a schizoid can get close to a person) and I told her the same... I even had her read some things in a book about introversion. She told me she thinks that people can only mature and grow through relationships.

I felt like a fool afterward, because I basically opened myself up which I hate to do, and they saw it as problematic.

stranger wrote:

my mother reacently commented that she doesn't see me anymore and its like she hasn't got a son anymore.

Hi, Stranger,
At this point in time, i.e. still under the same roof, I'd keep it as simple as possible. Instead of trying to explain being a schizoid to your mother ( a term which may only perplex and dismay her) just spend more time with her. Go out to tea with her, or whatever little ways you can spend a little time with her. You will be gone in the fall; she may have anxiety about you leaving the nest for good and being more unavailable than ever. Just give her a little bit of yourself. When you go for walks invite her along, have meals with her, just little things. This will keep the peace, and in the fall you can escape to the university with no hurt feelings from your mother.

I happened to show my parents the diagnostic criteria a few years ago and they thought that I wrote them to describe myself haha

Normally I'd adise you to tell her what's going on, but seeing how you described her and the fact that you will be gone by fall...
I think that the best thing to do now is tell her that you need time alone... many young people at my age... Its stressfull changing my way of life... yadda yadda yak yak.

Wait until you move and then tell her you have SPD. These few summmer months may be better off without her knowing just yet.

There is no reason to bring up SPD. Most people can never think reasonably about a mental illness. Tell her that you have recently discovered the true meaning of introversion. Most people think introversion is identical with shyness, but it really should be thought of as aloofness, i.e. not needing to socialize to be happy. Show her the Wikipedia article Extroversion and Introversion. You can even say that now that you understand yourself better you are more at peace with yourself as you no longer try to be like other people.

b) breaks down and crys as she realises i have no feelings for her at all

I loved my parents as a child but in all the years between late childhood and my parents' deaths I never told them that I had little emotional connection with them other than loyalty. You care about her and don't want to hurt her - that is as much as you can love her, so you are doing all you can emotionally. It would be wrong to hurt her.

One of the first things I did after my diagnosis was go to the library and find a copy of DSM-IV and a huge book on psychiatry. When I got home I asked my parents to read the entries on schizoid p.d. and once they understood that I wasn't just shy they stopped trying to help me socialize and life became a lot less stressful for all of us.

thx for the replies. i agree with most of you that bringing up SPD would be a bad idea. i suppose im going to have to make more of an effort to be in her life even if its only a little. this may sound strange but that never really occured to me as an option before. guess im reasonabley happy with the current situation and had no desire to change it.

but like i said i owe her alot. more than i can ever repay so its really the least i can do to try and socialise with her a little bit. note really sure what shes missing from our relationship anyway but i don;t usually understand this social thing when its happening to me. i guess illl just have to roll withi it untill october.

Phineas advice sounds good. I'm currently living with my mother and I told her about it. I even made an appointment for her to see my psychiatrist, so that she'd understand and get a good explanation. If anything it helped her and made life a lot easier for both of us.

I'm not saying you should do the same as it's all relative. I just thought I'd mention it as you paint a pretty dark picture of what might happen if you tell her.