Schizoid Ladies: Do you appear less feminine?

Rainsworth wrote:I think it's more of a biological thing. Women are "wired" to be more emotional, more expressive.
so wherever you go, in whatever culture, the average woman is more emotional and expressive than the average man. regardless of what the culture regard/consider appropriate.

You may even be right about that. I wouldn't be surprised either way when it comes to that. Maybe it's biological, maybe it's just a very widespread cultural thing. I don't know. But "feminine" and "masculine" are more about ideals that you're expected to aspire to than about the way people actually behave.

For example, when I think of the word "feminine", the number-one quality that I think of is "subtlety" (which actually implies less expansiveness). I'm sure I'm by far not the only person who has this impression of what the word means. On the other hand, if you use the word "womanly", it has a nearly opposite connotation to me. One is a Romance word, the other one is Germanic, and it's no coincidence. It's because French was the language of the nobility in England.

I get it I guess, but I know I don't feel any emotion of any sort around people. My boyfriend is a ton more emotional and expressive than me. He often will react to things and follow up with how I make him feel dumb for reacting. I've known a lot of men who were more so than myself, though I can't think of any proper way to prove that. All I can say is it's always reminded me of one of those light switches where you turn a knob and it brightens or dims depending on which way you turn. If someone walks up, I go from whatever emotion I was feeling to nothing. It's not always immediate, but close. Years ago when my schizoidness was more prevalent, I nearly never had any emotion at all. I always would do whatever and would often enough get people annoyed with how I wouldn't react to sad or shocking news.

I can get emotional when alone, but no clue if I would at all or to the same extent if I wasn't bipolar.

Holodeck wrote:Years ago when my schizoidness was more prevalent, I nearly never had any emotion at all. I always would do whatever and would often enough get people annoyed with how I wouldn't react to sad or shocking news.

That's odd, doen't SPD get worse/the symptoms amplify more with age? or is it just the late teenage years and after that, it start to reduce gradually till it reach a certain point?

Rainsworth wrote:

Holodeck wrote:Years ago when my schizoidness was more prevalent, I nearly never had any emotion at all. I always would do whatever and would often enough get people annoyed with how I wouldn't react to sad or shocking news.

That's odd, doen't SPD get worse/the symptoms amplify more with age? or is it just the late teenage years and after that, it start to reduce gradually till it reach a certain point?

I respond better now, but that's it. Admittedly it's faked to make them stop being so weirded out by me.

Mine was worse after certain extremely bad events in my life. I haven't gone into those particular ones, but tl;dr it involved my ex kidnapping me and taking me to another country and me not knowing if I'd make it out alive. It took a while for me to slowly get "settled" or whatever you want to call it.

With me it went from me being avoidant until sometime in my marriage, to shutting off emotion entirely and didn't get it back (even when alone) until years later.

I had reconnected with a guy (my boyfriend now) who offered a place so I could move away from the guy after my divorce. My boyfriend had met me before I had become emotionless, and...it was/still often is weird.

I've never been fully comfortable with my SPD. I have a hard time letting go of it though (assuming I could) because I dislike being out of control. My bipolar can be extreme to the point where it's like I'm intoxicated, and it's nice being around people and schizoid for me in that sense. I know I won't do anything stupid or risky. It's hard though as I get exhausted from socializing, and trying not to offend people by being bored.

The rare times when I'm manic and dealing with people I simply come off as an obnoxious, over-confident brat. I don't feel any real emotion though during that as it's all basically adrenaline.

I guess you could say I like my SPD for the fact that it keeps me in check, and I like my bipolar for keeping me going with motivation. SPD feels like it holds me back and I hate that. It makes me feel like a tiger in a cage, but at the same time I'm too worried to let it go and be out of control. I know how bad I used to get with my mania around people, and it isn't fun. I'm not on bipolar meds (or any for that matter) as of yet, but strongly considering them.

Holodeck wrote:I guess you could say I like my SPD for the fact that it keeps me in check, and I like my bipolar for keeping me going with motivation. SPD feels like it holds me back and I hate that. It makes me feel like a tiger in a cage, but at the same time I'm too worried to let it go and be out of control. I know how bad I used to get with my mania around people, and it isn't fun. I'm not on bipolar meds (or any for that matter) as of yet, but strongly considering them.

This is how I feel about anxiety, depression, drinking and my wife. They all sort of keep me in check or else I'd go off the reserve. Don't get me wrong, I want to go off the reserve but can't be sure I'd be better off. I think I'd mentally be free but the rest would be a crap shoot.

iabsurdlyexist wrote:Less feminine as opposed to who's opinion and what difference does it make? I have no idea what this post is after.

Ugh feminists have to pop up everywhere

fortunecookie wrote:

iabsurdlyexist wrote:Less feminine as opposed to who's opinion and what difference does it make? I have no idea what this post is after.

Ugh feminists have to pop up everywhere

Nice third post

under ice wrote:

fortunecookie wrote:

iabsurdlyexist wrote:Less feminine as opposed to who's opinion and what difference does it make? I have no idea what this post is after.

Ugh feminists have to pop up everywhere

Nice third post

Such cute.

I'm not sure. I think it made me a lot less interested in opposite gender unlike most of girls my age, because I had my individual plans how to spend the time.

And I never cared that much for appearance as some woman around because I was kinda caring only about my opinion and a bit about parents so they don't nag. Later I understood it changes how people think of me and that appearing more like people expect women to be, put makeup to look prettier etc is beneficial to put me in their good grace for a bit.

And I think women are expected to care about the social interactions part and if you dont you're thought to be weird. And people talk behind your back. It's kinda unavoidable.

And if you talk much to males they think you're interested in them when you just have some common interests and don't want to date. That's different from most other woman maybe, or maybe it's me.

Aska wrote:or maybe it's me.

Same here. I never do things to my appearance merely look or feel good. I try to take care of myself health-wise, but I couldn't care less about how I look to other people.

Aska wrote:Later I understood it changes how people think of me and that appearing more like people expect women to be, put makeup to look prettier etc is beneficial to put me in their good grace for a bit.

If I have to I will deal with this as briefly as I must. I will look "nice" on occasions that one is expected to, and if possible I get away with as little makeup as I can. I normally use a tinted chapstick and everyone assumes I attempted effort or whatever.

Aska wrote:And I think women are expected to care about the social interactions part and if you dont you're thought to be weird. And people talk behind your back. It's kinda unavoidable.

And if you talk much to males they think you're interested in them when you just have some common interests and don't want to date. That's different from most other woman maybe, or maybe it's me.

As for people to hang out with...I don't usually go out of my way to hang out with people, but if I'm forced to be around people for a while I look for the quieter folks looking like they too and trying to get away from the crowd. I'll straight up say something to them like "Hey so I'm gonna pull out my phone and do my own thing, and whenever anyone looks like they are trying to socialize with me I'm going to briefly pretend I'm having a riveting conversation with you where you don't even have to say anything! Ok? Cool!"

I don't even wait for the person to respond. Most times I get a nod or thumbs up. So far it hasn't ended badly for me, but I have no sense of shame. I'm pretty sure that last bit is somewhat crucial when pulling that move off.