Schizoid v PTSD

I saw my therapist today and talked to her about the possiblity that I might be schizoid (I had initially gone to see her for worsening depression, anxiety, and a bit of a relapse into anorexia). We went through the diagnostic criteria. I told her about this place actually and mentioned a lot of the posts/replies I've read that I could really relate to (the funeral post, the one about your family dying and it not phasing you, being irritated by the necessities of social convention/interactions, faking reactions to people, the loner's manifesto book, and so on and so forth). I told her that I think I've been creating my depression by thinking that my personality (inability to connect and all that crapola) was depression and trying to "fix" it by the ways that "normal" people fix depression...going out, interacting with people, trying to make friends, etc...and, as with someone else's experience on this forum, just making myself depressed and anxious because that is totally the wrong thing for me to do.

At first she had said that she wasn't sure because I seemed so personable and that schizoids were...odd. I had to explain that I'm faking all the time and learned how to act (which I had already mentioned in a previous session but not expanded on) and that sometimes just don't really know how to react to things (I have to rationalize it out...put on caring concerned face yadda yadda yadda). When I told her about the empathy test and scored as someone with Aspergers (19 the first time I took it) she said, yeah, that raises a flag. I told her I know I don't have it though, because I took a facial expressions test that was just based on eyes and scored higher than average. I don't have any social anxiety either. I did used to have a big problem with not being able to look people in the eyes. I didn't even know, but my bf (only one I have had years ago) at the time used to grab my head and make me look at him when I talked to him...so I learned. She seemed surprised by that.

Basically it's not that I don't know how to interact with people, I just don't want to and don't care. I'm actually fine with that now that I know it's probably just my personality. I don't feel obligated to do all of this "normal" crap anymore. I feel sort of content.

Anyway, she's actually a licensed social worker, and said she was only so-so at diagnosing anyway. She told me she wished we were working with a psychiatrist or psychologist because she would send me to one of those. She's really intrigued because now that I explained some of my comments from earlier sessions and such, she understands what I'm talking about a lot more. She wanted to rule out PTSD though, and told me look at the descriptions of that. From what I see...I'm not so sure. It seems like there is a tangible "fear" component that I don't have. I also don't have nightmares, flashbacks, etc to anything. I don't think anything bad would happen if I "opened up" more to friends or whatever, but I like my privacy/secrets and I'm not sure what being more open would really accomplish anyway. I've opened up to my best friend and I feel nada. Hell, this therapist knows a lot about me and I don't feel closer or connected to her. I still feel like she's just someone I've hired to help me figure out some stuff.

Anyway...I'm not sure about the whole PTSD, but thought I'd ask about it on here.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't PTSD is often appearant through a high degree of stress, fear, anxiety when you are associating a sensation with something that happened before.
A certain smell, a sound, an image, taste or pretty much anything dealing with your sensory organs may "trigger" a flashback, as they call it.

Anyway, I am sure that your therapist is more proficient in explaining it than I am. But PTSD and SPD is, to me, two completely unrelated disorders, as PTSD deals with a strong surge of emotions, while people suffering from SPD is not subject to strong emotions.

I didn't quite get the question you asked, but it was interesting nonetheless. Hope it helped.

Yeah I'm sort of confused about it myself. The way she explained it was that people with PSTD have a tendency to not trust people because in their past they've had a reason (or learned) not to trust people. They can end up being emotionally numb and withdraw from people for that reason.

I did go to the PSTD forum and read through a few pages of posts. I can not relate to much of what I've read. In addition to the other things I mentioned, it would seem that there is a clear BEFORE and AFTER effect with PTSD. As in, before the event that leads to the PTSD the person was social, desired closeness, yadda yadda yadda...but after the event, the person has a markedly different personality and is withdrawn and emotionally numb.

I don't have that.

Actually, I can't remember ever feeling close and being attached to anyone or desiring those attachments. My t said that I was "emotionally neglected" and such (with some abuse issues), which means that it would make sense that I would have attachment issues and have trouble trusting people since it was from such an early age. But...I think the desire would actually BE there, and I would think that I would still have some empathy. And without some clear marked personality change, I'm not really buying the PTSD suggestion. My t did say she was rethinking it as well, in light of everything I was saying.

Inabilty to bond, trust and a lack of interest in bonding can be part of a load of other disorders, with Paranoia being the first to come to mind.

I don't trust many people either, but that is not because of something that happened long ago. I simply do not permit people access to the "real" me because I think that it is bothersome having to reveal every aspect of myself when it is so much easier to fake an appearance. Besides, I take pleasure in acting as a different personality. In my opinion, decieving people into believing that you are different from what you really are takes some empathy, or atleast insight.

But you seem to have been detached most of your life, perhaps due to what you mentioned in your previous post.
For me, it looks like you are leaning more towards SPD than anything else I know of.

Yeah, you are definitely right that those symptoms could be under a myriad of disorders. Hrmmm...

I really hate the idea of having another evaluation by yet another mental healthcare provider. If I am SPD, it doesn't bother me. It seems to explain an awful lot. However, if I did have something else and I just assumed it was SPD, then I could be setting myself up for trouble later on down the road.

It might be a good idea to go to a psyciatrist or a psychologist and get their opinion. I'm a bit leery of just walking out on therapy based primarily on a self-diagonsis.

Getting an opinion from someone who deals with loonies all day could provide you with a different perspective on things.

Personally, I would have gone to a psychologist wether the condition is bothering you or not, simply because I think that getting a psychological evaluation is interesting.

Hematemesis Melena wrote:Personally, I would have gone to a psychologist wether the condition is bothering you or not, simply because I think that getting a psychological evaluation is interesting.

And resource depleting.

One element of PTSD is a thing called "emotional numbing" which has similarities with both SPD and alexithymia, but is probably closest to the latter. I don't know if thats relevant in any way, but thought id throw it in.

insomniakat wrote:Yeah I'm sort of confused about it myself. The way she explained it was that people with PSTD have a tendency to not trust people because in their past they've had a reason (or learned) not to trust people. They can end up being emotionally numb and withdraw from people for that reason.

I did go to the PSTD forum and read through a few pages of posts. I can not relate to much of what I've read. In addition to the other things I mentioned, it would seem that there is a clear BEFORE and AFTER effect with PTSD. As in, before the event that leads to the PTSD the person was social, desired closeness, yadda yadda yadda...but after the event, the person has a markedly different personality and is withdrawn and emotionally numb.

I don't have that.

Actually, I can't remember ever feeling close and being attached to anyone or desiring those attachments. My t said that I was "emotionally neglected" and such (with some abuse issues), which means that it would make sense that I would have attachment issues and have trouble trusting people since it was from such an early age. But...I think the desire would actually BE there, and I would think that I would still have some empathy. And without some clear marked personality change, I'm not really buying the PTSD suggestion. My t did say she was rethinking it as well, in light of everything I was saying.

If you are a Remote schizoid, that could be caused by trauma; i.e. rejection at an early age. If you are a one of the other types, born that way, which it sounds like you are, then PTSD would not apply.
http://booksandcoffee.wordpress.com/spd ... -subtypes/

Resouce depleting is right on target. I only have 12 therapy sessions a year covered by my insurance. I still have a $35/session copay. If I go see someone else for a diagnosis I will lose one of those sessions, perhaps more. I read somewhere that they like to see you more than once if diagnosing a personality disorder...I didn't think about that before, but this weekend I realized how few sessions I have! I think I've already burned 5, maybe six.

I think it would be useful to know if I have spd. If I don't, then I need to keep up therapy and I might at one point in the future understand what all the fuss is about. I need to not stay withdrawn in my own little shell and get out and DO STUFF! Blah, blah, blah. Although, I have tried to do that and it sucks ass and doesn't do much for me but make me incredibly tired. If I do, then I can stop wasting my money on antidepressants and therapy. I can stop viewing myself as having some abnormal issue that would flip off like a light switch, and I can just sit at home in peace and quiet with the rest of the world leaving me the ###$ alone.