A visit to Baba.

In terms of therapy, many take the traditional route: they see a shrink, get a bottle of pills, and that's that. I did the same. I got several bottles of pills. The recommended dose was one a day, so I took it. It didn't help, so I took more. And more, and more, and more. On April 12, 2017, paramedics rushed me to the local medical center. There I lay on the hospital bed gasping and heaving in the glare of a blinding white light. And I asked myself: "Is this what being a schizoid is all about?" "Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life?" For the next two days after my discharge I heaved several cups of blood a morning. On the third day I had had enough. I contacted a friend at Rose Hill named Wanda. A bit into the alternative medicine scene, she was. She hooked me up with a lady named Baba, working out of a small one-room apartment at the back of a lot. "This is the woman you want to see. She will cure you." Wanda told me.

Naturally a bit skeptical I went for my consultation. Upon knocking at the door, a voice addressed me from a side window. I went to the side whereupon a hand reached down from the window. Before I knew it I was grasping that hand. And it drew me upwards--not merely into the window, but into a new phase of life. The consultation went fine, although I did remark two things which, at the time, seemed odd. Firstly, I had anticipated an unorthodox outlook of Baba's, much unlike the hidebound MDs, but I had not anticipated my having to a don a ceremonial headdress of feathers and bamboo. Secondly, although I had read letters off of eye charts and coughed with a stethoscope before, I had never read incantations off of a scroll.

The return visit exceeded all expectations. I was able to enter through the door this time, as Baba had moved the charcoal braziers to the side. The process was the same--feathered headdress, incantations off of a scroll. Baba said "Schizoid is mouse. You must be lion." The idea was that by personifying myself as a lion, I could rid myself of the mouse traits, so that I did not object when she asked me to leap briskly around a central fire. I repeated the incantation off of the scroll, which ran something like "Hoolapa" and, following Baba's lead, threw my hands into the air. This is the way that every session went, more or less. Occasionally Baba would light several of the charcoal braziers in addition to the fire; I was never sure of the significance of this, but never asked.

Here is the important thing: it is working. The schizoid is fading. The lion is appearing. No longer am I fidgeting with pill bottles on dates or making flimsy excuses to sneak off and take muscle relaxers. My body is clean. Girls can tell that. The pill-addled spastic is gone. I don't leap three feet in the air when a girl makes eye contact with me--I save that for my sessions with Baba. Find a local astrologist. fortune teller, or gipsy. They can link you into the alternative medicine scene. These people don't advertise on billboards, so you'll have to look around. But when you compare it to dry heaving on a hospital bed/getting your stomach pumped, the choice is clear.

This sounds valid, if not a little flakey, but I'd choose flakey any day over pouring money into Pfizer's pockets.

It's good that this worked for you, and it does make sense. I don't subscribe to the notion that PD's are incurable. I'm not even sure they're real.

Why were you being prescribed drugs for SPD? Other than anti-anxiety meds, I was under the impression there was no real chemical salve for the condition. What were you taking? I'm assuming the muscle relaxers were for another condition. If not, I'll be seeing my doctor asap.

Your post has delighted and inspired me. Thank you OP.

That... sounds like a wild time. I don't know if my problem is that I'm particularly mousy, but it is good that it worked for you. A lot of the time, big changes seem to come after the weirdest moments.

I've met a couple people that went to see fortune-tellers, and they actually seemed to get a lot out of it. The one said her fortune-teller even said straight-up that she was sort of an unorthodox therapist for her clients. So a lot of the same goals as psychology, but a very different approach.

Also, I've done some basic online astrology charts for myself and friends before, and I honestly have to say it's kind of scary how accurate they seemed. Maybe they're just using really subtle leading statements, but I felt like my star-chart made more decisive statements than a lot of personality tests I've tried