How's Your Memory?

First off, I really like this poll; I think it's a good discussion to have. I wound up answering "something else" though because my gut tells me that none of the 3 options is really the heart of the problem.

To me, this SAMD thing sounds equivalent to the sort of bad memory you're discussing so while it's pretty good as a more precise description, I don't think it really explains the problem. The other two options definitely seem to get closer to a cause, but I feel like (in my own life at least) dissociation and lack of connection are mutually reinforcing; the real problem is whatever keeps that cycle going. I'm honestly not sure what that is, although it's a philosophical problem I'm working on right now.

I definitely relate to what a lot of the posters are describing though. In terms of remembering objective details like "A happened before B," facts, or little, salient details, I have an unnervingly good memory. In terms of emotional recall about my own life (and the vibrancy of my memories) though, it's been rusty for a while now, and I've especially slipped in the past year or so.

I don't really have too much more to add, at least right now (fingers-crossed, I'll find at least a working hypothesis in the coming months). I do want to give everyone a little encouragement though because I don't think these memory problems are necessarily a permanent, inherent thing. I've brought it up on the forum once or twice before, but in the few occasions when I've felt the dissociation and numbness lift, even memories of times from when I was in a deep funk suddenly have a strong emotional tone (usually bittersweet). So at least in my experience, the emotional color in memory is reconstructed on the fly just as much as the objective facts.

OK - the problem with anything to do with the mind is it's subjectivity.
How do we know whether person A's self-reported excellent autobiographical memory is really better than person B's self-reported poor one?
After all, unless person A is extremely famous and has been followed round by a documentary team since early childhood, we have no way of telling whether their self-reported memories are actually delusional.
We must assume not, because our whole sense of self is largely predicated upon autobiographical memory, but in the end it may only be a self-preserving assumption.

The need to make sense of past events and explain why things happened probably makes memory subjective. Human beings like to construct plots in which they see themselves as heroes.

It appears the majority has very good memory; I don't see the connection between poor memory and spd. ... And I hope pot will be legalized soon.

muaddib wrote:but in the few occasions when I've felt the dissociation and numbness lift, even memories of times from when I was in a deep funk suddenly have a strong emotional tone

This can be explained with depression, dysthymia.

muaddib wrote:(usually bittersweet)

Is the emotion part of the memory or is the memory eliciting the emotion? Sounds like the latter.

Dysthymia was one of the things my therapist suspected also in regard to my rather emotionless memories. If I have it, I've never been out of it. I'd say I don't remember emotions, because there were none.

I think memory is not necessarily a device built to recollect precisely but to be able to function in a given environment; if transfiguration is what's needed to be in unison with your fellow human beings then the fittest will transfigure.

I know it's not necessarily schizoid too, but I learned something new about myself today that basically invalidates my "ok" memory. Apparently the reason I never seem to feel depressed is because I get memory loss over certain types of traumatic moments. Long story short, I have a phobia about loss of control of my situation (such as my manic episodes) and after a few confirmation calls to people who've claimed they've been around me when I'm manic. I also have been told, that I get huge meltdowns a few times a month where I few very "depressed and hopeless" acting when manic, but don't remember any of it later. This is according to my psychologist pretty common for those with bipolar, but thought I'd throw that fact in here too. Fun times. o_o;

Dalloway wrote:

muaddib wrote:but in the few occasions when I've felt the dissociation and numbness lift, even memories of times from when I was in a deep funk suddenly have a strong emotional tone

This can be explained with depression, dysthymia.

It could be. There's that weird zone that a lot of people still talk about as depression where you're not really down on yourself or feeling sad, just numb and detached. That's kind of where I am now.

Dalloway wrote:

muaddib wrote:(usually bittersweet)

Is the emotion part of the memory or is the memory eliciting the emotion? Sounds like the latter.

Sort of... neither and both? Honestly, I think the best way I can describe it is metaphorically. For me, it seems to work a lot like Impressionist painting; the facts of the scene are all there, but the artist imposes their own interpretation to choose the colors and strokes. So the emotions are grounded by the memory (like how an Impressionist wouldn't paint the moon as a green pyramid), but they're more of an extension of our current personality and emotional states onto the past (possibly by contrast).

I agree with what UK SPD and naps are saying here - you can never fully trust your autobiographic memory. And also that confidence in a memory is not an indicator of accuracy. When the hippocampus retrieves a memory from the neocortex, it simply reproduces the original encoding, as if it were experiencing the event again. After this is done, it faithfully re-encodes the "event" as a new memory - a process called "reconsolidation" (consolidation is the initial storage of a memory). So every time you recall a memory, you inadvertently attach current emotions, events, and thoughts to the memory. As a result, the memory seems more "real" because it feels stronger, relatable, and more salient, but it is also more corrupted on every recall. It's also completely possible to introduce new memories by using old memories or imagined circumstances as a launchpad. e.g., when a detective asks a suspect "Imagine that you did do the murder - how would you do it?" This process contributed greatly to the recovered memory movement and the Satanic Cult scares in the 90's. This is one reason that I really don't trust other people's memories "recovered" through hypnosis or Freudians, like Guntrip and Klein in general (for supporting the use of "recovered" memories as a means of circumventing memory suppression/repression).

For what it's worth - subjectively speaking - my autobiographical memories tend to be average or above average. I can usually remember circumstances of when I met someone, or other things that I can at least validate as accurate. Most of the memory problems that I do have are because I'm just so spacey. I get absorbed into fantasy and imagined interactions that I really don't pay much attention. I'll often smile randomly or mouth out words to myself - it actually really unnerves people around me.

I wouldn't be surprised if schizoids had much more variable memory than neurotypicals. People with full-blown schizophrenia often have poor autobiographical memories and shrunken hippocampi. But their neurotypical relatives have mitigating factors like large/average hippocampi that is one of their defenses against getting schizophrenia. There's actually a lot more brain regions in play there, but the hippocampus can be a defense or risk factor for schizophrenia depending on how efficient it is. But apparently you see those variations in the schizo spectrum.