Do you miss social cues?

Do you sometimes miss nuances in social communication?

Are you usually able to read between the lines in social interactions vs. when people's actions should just be taken at face value?

As an example, I was invited out to lunch by someone I don't know who says they want to ask me questions about my work/hobby because they want to do a similar thing.
There are a few possibilities.
1) They really do just want to ask me questions and it will be a practical, almost business meeting.
2) Its a more indirect way of asking me out on a date.
3) I guess another possibility is if the meeting doesn't go well, they have an out. They can pretend it was just a business meeting, then there isn't the embarrassing "failed date" aspect of it, or loss of face. Or even the loss of face if I were to say "No, I'm not interested going on a date with you."

I have a feeling the third possibility is the most likely. Some people can be shy and fear rejection quite a bit.

I guess it comes across as a bit "aspie" to be too direct and forward. I can never tell for sure if I'm reading too much into things though. Perhaps my social skills aren't as nuanced and advanced as other people's are.

I've always felt deficient in my ability to read social cues.

MotherRussia wrote:Are you usually able to read between the lines in social interactions vs. when people's actions should just be taken at face value?

I sometimes can't tell the difference. I get too wrapped up in my own inner assessment of people's intentions, which is usually inaccurate.

Yet often during one on one conversations, I am able (or so I believe) to detect lies and pick up on other types of micro-expressions. But when things involve more than one person, a group conversation, I get lost.

As an example, I was invited out to lunch by someone I don't know who says they want to ask me questions about my work/hobby because they want to do a similar thing.
There are a few possibilities.
1) They really do just want to ask me questions and it will be a practical, almost business meeting.
2) Its a more indirect way of asking me out on a date.
3) I guess another possibility is if the meeting doesn't go well, they have an out. They can pretend it was just a business meeting, then there isn't the embarrassing "failed date" aspect of it, or loss of face. Or even the loss of face if I were to say "No, I'm not interested going on a date with you."

I can't think so analytically, especially where other people are concerned. I tend to be suspicious of their intentions. I suppose #3 would be a likely possibility. But to concoct such a duality, a strategy for dealing with others is too difficult for me. It's easier to hide in my shell and observe rather than participate.

^ I relate to that. I'm usually more comfortable in one-on-one interactions, and I also think I can detect micro expressions and have a pretty good sense when someone is lying or untrustworthy/deceitful, almost feel like I can read people's minds.

But with more than one person I get overwhelmed. I can enjoy observing them as long as they don't try to put the attention on me. It seems in every group people take turns talking, and there is a sense that its "your" turn, and then when you don't talk when its your turn, it gets awkward, people clear their throats, look around, like they're waiting for something, and if you stay silent they try to pry it out of you, start asking you stuff, asking why are you so quiet, etc. Its like I just can't keep up with that level of interaction, and I don't have a sennse of what the appropriate thing to add to the conversation is. If we are all talking about cars, ok I can say something silly, state the obvious..."Lamborghinis are nice...." then they think I'm dumb and I get weird looks. In one-on-one interactions I feel like I can be more present and the interaction goes more naturally.

Anyways this person, I don't know them and it was an online interaction. That's probably why I'm uncertain about it. No way to know his intentions. Probably harmless, but I have a strange feeling I'm missing something. There's some line I'm not reading between. Thinking too much probably. Not sure if I'll meet them or not, haven't decided yet.

MotherRussia wrote:Do you sometimes miss nuances in social communication?

Are you usually able to read between the lines in social interactions vs. when people's actions should just be taken at face value?

Im hypersensitive so, eventhough I have practically zero emotions, I read tiny fluctuations in voice f.e. rather accurately. My narcissism makes me wonder quite often if its about me though hehe.

As an example, I was invited out to lunch by someone I don't know who says they want to ask me questions about my work/hobby because they want to do a similar thing.
There are a few possibilities.
1) They really do just want to ask me questions and it will be a practical, almost business meeting.
2) Its a more indirect way of asking me out on a date.
3) I guess another possibility is if the meeting doesn't go well, they have an out. They can pretend it was just a business meeting, then there isn't the embarrassing "failed date" aspect of it, or loss of face. Or even the loss of face if I were to say "No, I'm not interested going on a date with you."

I have a feeling the third possibility is the most likely. Some people can be shy and fear rejection quite a bit.

I guess it comes across as a bit "aspie" to be too direct and forward. I can never tell for sure if I'm reading too much into things though. Perhaps my social skills aren't as nuanced and advanced as other people's are.

If the person is really unknown to you there is no way of knowing their intentions upfront. It is curious though that you are wondering if it might be a date. Maybe a part of you is interested in them but your schizoid part quickly projects that onto them. Ive had a similar situation with broadband paranoia about a fear of people staring at me that vanished once I interpreted to myself that I actually wanted to be looked at, which up to that time I found ridiculous and improbable.

Akuma wrote:

MotherRussia wrote:Do you sometimes miss nuances in social communication?

Are you usually able to read between the lines in social interactions vs. when people's actions should just be taken at face value?

Im hypersensitive so, eventhough I have practically zero emotions, I read tiny fluctuations in voice f.e. rather accurately. My narcissism makes me wonder quite often if its about me though hehe.

As an example, I was invited out to lunch by someone I don't know who says they want to ask me questions about my work/hobby because they want to do a similar thing.
There are a few possibilities.
1) They really do just want to ask me questions and it will be a practical, almost business meeting.
2) Its a more indirect way of asking me out on a date.
3) I guess another possibility is if the meeting doesn't go well, they have an out. They can pretend it was just a business meeting, then there isn't the embarrassing "failed date" aspect of it, or loss of face. Or even the loss of face if I were to say "No, I'm not interested going on a date with you."

I have a feeling the third possibility is the most likely. Some people can be shy and fear rejection quite a bit.

I guess it comes across as a bit "aspie" to be too direct and forward. I can never tell for sure if I'm reading too much into things though. Perhaps my social skills aren't as nuanced and advanced as other people's are.

If the person is really unknown to you there is no way of knowing their intentions upfront. It is curious though that you are wondering if it might be a date. Maybe a part of you is interested in them but your schizoid part quickly projects that onto them. Ive had a similar situation with broadband paranoia about a fear of people staring at me that vanished once I interpreted to myself that I actually wanted to be looked at, which up to that time I found ridiculous and improbable.

You're right, I could be projecting. . I think I do that and maybe I'm being presumptuous thinking the person is interested in me.

I think it's because of the way they wrote to me, in a very warm and flattering tone with lots of emotionally laden words. Yet their invitation sounded more practical rather than romantic.

Doesn't quite match so I'm confused. Feel socially awkward. Something about them is interesting to me otherwise I wouldn't be thinking about it.

I'd be interested how your comorbid SPD NPD presents. I relate both to cluster B as well as cluster a. If you would be willing to share your experience it would be interesting to me. We don't hear much about comorbidity in this forum afaik.

I actually had therapy related to learning social skills when I was a teen. My therapist and I played this board game where you would land on things and draw a card that said something like, "Give the person to the left a compliment." He also taught me how much eye contact was appropriate (70% for the listener, 30% for the speaker) and how to incorporate small talk. Makes me feel kind of stupid now. I think it was useful, though. I still keep those things in mind although I'm much more natural in social communication now. I'm not sure if that therapist thought I had some seriously bad social etiquette or if he could think of nothing better to do with our time because I was a very stubborn client.

slimsally wrote:I actually had therapy related to learning social skills when I was a teen. My therapist and I played this board game where you would land on things and draw a card that said something like, "Give the person to the left a compliment." He also taught me how much eye contact was appropriate (70% for the listener, 30% for the speaker) and how to incorporate small talk. Makes me feel kind of stupid now. I think it was useful, though. I still keep those things in mind although I'm much more natural in social communication now. I'm not sure if that therapist thought I had some seriously bad social etiquette or if he could think of nothing better to do with our time because I was a very stubborn client.

^ I think that sort of thing could be useful for almost everyone. The eye contact thing is weird for me. Looking directly into someone's eyes makes me feel like I'm either about to rip their clothes off or punch them. Its seems very aggressive.

I try to look at people's eyes while they talk but end up looking away a lot, probably appearing shifty eyed.

My therapist tried to tell me how to approach people, or she would tell me I should eavesdrop on other people's conversations in order to hear how a normal conversation went. I did but they always sounded boring to me. I'd rather daydream than engage in small talk.

I guess in order to appear normal though doing things like holding eye contact and making small talk would be required.

There's a charity poster on bus stops around my town lately (it my be national in the UK) which shows a young man with learning difficulties looking straight into the camera, with the caption "This is who I am" (actually, I can't recall the caption exactly, but it's something like that).
The problem is that he is looking straight at you with a rather grim expression.
To me, he looks like some threatening young tough out to start a fight, and rather frightening.
Now, is that my misreading his social clues? Or the charity committee picking the wrong photo?

Nuanced communication?

Well first off, you should ask yourself if you even want/need the nuanced version or not.
When you have ruled that out you realise that people are quite simple. Follow the social
guidelines, or learn more by not doing it.

Point is, you shouldn't care. They will care in your place, so don't make life more complicated.
Oh sorry, I guess you're a regular human.

UK SPD wrote:There's a charity poster on bus stops around my town lately (it my be national in the UK) which shows a young man with learning difficulties looking straight into the camera, with the caption "This is who I am" (actually, I can't recall the caption exactly, but it's something like that).
The problem is that he is looking straight at you with a rather grim expression.
To me, he looks like some threatening young tough out to start a fight, and rather frightening.
Now, is that my misreading his social clues? Or the charity committee picking the wrong photo?

That is intriguing. Sounds like the typical socialist/liberal propaganda but in this case asking people to be sympathetic towards people who look like young toughs about to start a fight?

Actually sounds dangerous. So....If someone approaches you with that expression you are supposed to become kind-hearted towards them, instead of protect yourself and your belongings?

Sounds like a badly designed poster. I'm sure you are reading the expression correctly. I understand wanting to be sympathetic towards people with learning difficulties, but just doesn't sound like they really captured the correct sentiment in the poster. Someone should be fired.

Nebuz wrote:Nuanced communication?

Well first off, you should ask yourself if you even want/need the nuanced version or not.
When you have ruled that out you realise that people are quite simple. Follow the social
guidelines, or learn more by not doing it.

Point is, you shouldn't care. They will care in your place, so don't make life more complicated.
Oh sorry, I guess you're a regular human.

Did I imply that I care? I don't feel much emotion or caring about it but I like to analyse people and situations. Well I guess it kind of bothers me to feel "blind" in some way. Not sure that is the same as caring.

I could be overanalysing and probably am. It doesn't really matter anymore in this situation since I won't be meeting with the person anyways.

What are you apologising for?