"Networking"

Am I the only one who's blood boils just hearing this term? As someone who's struggled to find a job with a livable wage (let alone hold down a job past the bloody probation period) to no avail, time and again, without fail, to work as hard as I can, to the best of my abilities (usually as good, if not better, then my coworkers), only to find that none of that matters in the long run because of my chronic inability to form bonds with other human beings.

So I have no network to rely on. But everyone I go to for help tells me the same thing, all the job workshops, my case workers (who I've been tossed around case worker to case worker over the years as they inevitably get frustrated with my hindrances and give up on me) and even my family members (none of whom are any use to me from a job-finding standpoint) tell me this same thing: "You have to network, because it's all about who you know not what you know".
But what good does this advice do for people like us, who are, by and large, hopelessly inept at the very idea of making relationships of any kind? I can tell you what it does for me, it makes me feel like $#%^ because it reminds me of my disablement thanks to this disorder.

I've tried to be friendly with my co-workers, but, like every other group of people I've tried to befriend in my life, nobody ######6 wants me around. I never get accepted into the social circles, the "cliques". It's funny that as much as I put up emotional barriers around myself and others, people do the exact same thing to me. I just can't fit in with anyone. It's useless. So how am I supposed to network? The only thing I see left for me now is schooling, but I'm told the same damn crap, "you gotta network when you finish school, even with your degree it won't matter without a social network to put in a good word for you".

So why do anything, is how I feel at this point. I feel so damn hopeless because of something outside of my control. So what DO us schizoids do to make up for a lack of social connections to get ahead in terms of finding meaningful employment? Sadly, it seems like chronic unemployment is the norm for people like us, and as I've learned the hardway, nobody understands, nobody cares, and nobody wants to help people like us, so what do we do?

But if I hear the term "networking" one more time I think I'm going to lose my ######6 $#%^. I get it, I can't make friends to save my life, I don't need a goddamn reminder and that's all that word does for me.

Certainly, it's a difficult situation.

Yes, knowing a lot of people in your industry is going to be beneficial to finding a job, because people hire candidates they know over those they don't almost 100 percent of the time. Obviously, this creates a probably unfair advantage for people who are naturally extroverted.

But I think you also have to understand that, at some point, people tell you this because they have nothing else to tell you. There are perfectly qualified, capable, lovely people out there without jobs. Networking is the "busy work" that keeps people at bay until they have jobs and are no longer a problem. So, it's worth it to know that while you are making feeble attempts at putting yourself out there, other people are doing the same, and other people are also not successfully finding employment.

You can network in a more practical manner, just by looking for any opportunity to spend time in your area of employment. Sometimes that means volunteering, or taking a lesser or adjacent position than ideal. Sometimes that means getting access to people who you'd like to be employed by and talking about yourself and what you want. Neither of those things are easy,but I think they are easier than trying to go at it from a purely social aspect.

The need to network has always hindered me as well. It starts even in university, if you want to go to a good graduate school you need to find a few professors to cozy up to and really get on their good side so they will write you glowing recommendations.

Yeah, I got tired of being judged as the strange quiet one at my work place. I would sometimes find one person I could talk to, but other than that, the stopping in the break room, stopping in the halls, to chat with everyone for a few minutes, keep up with what is going on in everyone's life so you can ask if their son won his football game or if their daughter has recovered from that bad flu she had, etc. How do people do it?

I tend to move and change jobs a lot because I feel like I can only keep up a reasonably normal facade for a little while, then people slowly start to notice how weird I am. I like to jump ship before that happens. Sadly, kind of precludes my ability to work up into a very high position at one place, and also tends to make it hard for me to get good recommendations.

A definite disadavantage of this disorder.

I've never had any ambition (I seem to lack the necessary genes) so failure to network has never effected me enough to matter.
I was once advised not to apply for a promotion because I didn't fit in to the team - but I recall that it amused me because I'd barely registered that the promotion existed.

I hate to say it, but, yeah. You have to network. It's the only way to get ahead in life unless you're just brilliant. My dad and eldest brother are good at networking and I have learned from them. All it takes to level the playing field is to ask about the other person's life. Honestly, people love that. Just show some interest and you're in. You don't have to kiss ass. Just be courteous and friendly.

-- Fri Jan 13, 2017 12:59 pm --

MotherRussia wrote:The need to network has always hindered me as well. It starts even in university, if you want to go to a good graduate school you need to find a few professors to cozy up to and really get on their good side so they will write you glowing recommendations.

This, exactly. But I've always been so enamored with academic types that it wasn't even an issue for me. Make friends with others. That is the bottom line.

I'm sorry but exactly what the ###$ is networking? Exactly?

naps wrote:I'm sorry but exactly what the ###$ is networking? Exactly?

I'm not sure how OP was using the term but I think of it almost brown nosing or making lots of friends at the workplace, playing office politics, shaking hands and kissing babies, in order to be given preference for promotions and such.

Or it could also mean carrying business cards around if you are self-employed and always looking for new clients or new connections.

I can be social with the people I work with. I realize it is motivated by self-interest--it just makes things go more smoothly if they like me. The part I have trouble with is keeping up the connection when I no longer see them on a regular basis. I just can't find the motivation to communicate with people once they're out of sight. If I needed a job I guess I'd be willing to call some of them out of the blue and ask, but I don't know how they'd react. It helps that my wife does the facebook thing and befriends all my old co-workers, so she keeps in touch (takes care of my family too).

biteme wrote: It helps that my wife does the facebook thing and befriends all my old co-workers, so she keeps in touch (takes care of my family too).

That sounds like a good advantage a lot of us don't have. It enables you to keep up appearances and even engage socially, if only by proxy. It reminds me of Runestone's "vulnerability as a lonesome person" thread. The family communication would have been a great help for me. I would have paid for someone to do that.
I'm not sure if it's a schizoid thing, but back in the day, the process of simply buying a Mother's Day or Christmas card, filling it out, and then actually mailing it was always a cumbersome ordeal for me.

biteme wrote:It helps that my wife does the facebook thing and befriends all my old co-workers, so she keeps in touch (takes care of my family too).

Yes, my ex-wife used to do all that too. She signed me up to facebook and I recall grunting and ignoring it.
It's not that I have no curiosity about what acquaintances are doing but that I have no interest. I'm quite capable of distinguishing between curiosity and interest.
Networking is a term that became fashionable in the late 80s for something that people have always done, excepting that the growth of modern communications made it more immediate than previously.
I've never had a job that required it, and I presume most people with SPD will be uncomfortable with it anyway.