Does this seem like SPD?

Hello, I'm 16 years old and currently in high school and I am pretty sure I have SPD but I'm not 100% positive, I have considered aspergers as my sister has it but I can't remember having symptoms until the beginning of high school (I'm a junior). I believe myself to be Schizoid for 3 primary reasons, the first of which being my mother, the 2nd being my general indifference towards people, and the 3rd being lack of emotion/expression.

Reason 1: My Mother
Before we get into this I would like to say that I wouldn't consider my mom abusive nor a bad mom, I believe she genuinely wants to understand me she has just made some mistakes I guess. Basically about a year ago she would come into my room about every night after she had gotten sufficiently drunk and get angry at me for not loving her and treating her badly. She would constantly ask me why I didn't love her and my response was always the same, "I do love you". What else is there to say? It had gotten to the point where she would lay down in my bed (I hate people in my room and I especially hated that) and keep asking those questions over and over, "Why do you hate me" or "Why don't you love me". One time she even looked into my eyes and gawked at how cold and dead they were, thanks mom.
Now thankfully she doesn't do that anymore but she still asks me those questions as if she expects my to reveal some repressed memory or something that's going to fix everything. I haven't really made any attempts to show her that I love her besides saying it back to her and I don't really plan on it even if that makes me a terrible person. I just don't really care enough I guess.

Reason 2: General Indifference Towards People
I have no real desire to make any new friends, I have on friend that I would consider close and a decent amount of acquaintances but I don't have any plans on making another close friend, acquaintances are fine though. I generally have no interest in other people or their stories, i find it funny sometimes because people will start telling a story and once they've made eye contact I know I'm locked in and I've got to pretend to care lol. Usually all I can think about when people talk to me about things I don't care about is "why are you talking to me" over and over. Things I care about and like talking about are fitness and nutrition and things I'm knowledgeable about but its not like I could talk non stop about them. I can genuinely enjoy people and conversations and if I'm with people I like then it is much easier for me to "loosen up" and actually start adding to conversations and things. I would say there are 3 people in my life I would say I genuinely care about and love a great deal and that is my dad and my two younger sisters, this doesn't mean I don't care about other family members but if any of them were to die I would be surprised but I doubt I would cry or feel much of anything, I might miss my grandparents though, especially both of my grandmothers.

Reason 3: Lack of Emotion/Expression
This is definitely the first symptom I ever noticed, unnoticed that I didn't feel emotions as intensely as others when I compared myself to my family members at Christmas. I enjoy Christmas and stuff but I've never really felt genuine excitement, I smile and enjoy the gifts and stuff I just never really feel excited or happy or really anything. This makes me feel bad sometimes because it makes it seem like I don't enjoy my gifts and that I'm not thankful even though I am. Also I generally don't laugh very easily, especially when in public and I would say the strongest emotion I feel is sadness, but I am by no means depressed, in fact I would consider myself a happy person overall. This symptom is probably the one I dislike the most as I do wonder what it would be like to feel emotions with the intensity that everyone else seems to.

So yea those are the 3 Prinary reasons but there are more, let me know what you guys think

Probably not what you want to hear, but - aside from teh forum not allowing layperson diagnoses - I think youre too young to be dx'd with a PD; simply because with 16 your personality is still forming. That being said your mother doesnt sound to be the healthiest person who ever walked this earth and that surely has had some negative impact on your development. If this necessarily has to be a PD tho will only get clear in the next years. Basically if you dont feel excitement and only sadness, then I am a bti surprised you dont want the depression label, because that seems basically what you are - at least on the most superficial level.
Does your dad live with you? Asking because it might be worthwhile especially if you are still in adolescence to get some therapeutic help. The earlier the better and so on.

"Find a psychiatrist or psychologist or some other kind of professional who can ask you effective questions and look at your history. Once you've done that you can expect a diagnosis, whether or not it's SPD depends on the opinion of the professional."

However, as you may be a minor I assume that your parents would need to be party to this, and you may prefer that they weren't.
Use this forum for informal advice. I was diagnosed as an adult, but I believe that many of the users here were diagnosed as teenagers. Hopefully they will be able to help.

Farrow wrote:I wouldn't consider my mom abusive nor a bad mom, I believe she genuinely wants to understand me she has just made some mistakes I guess.

I knew after reading this line that whatever came next was going to be awful...

Farrow wrote:Basically about a year ago she would come into my room about every night after she had gotten sufficiently drunk and get angry at me for not loving her and treating her badly. She would constantly ask me why I didn't love her and my response was always the same, "I do love you". What else is there to say? It had gotten to the point where she would lay down in my bed (I hate people in my room and I especially hated that) and keep asking those questions over and over, "Why do you hate me" or "Why don't you love me". One time she even looked into my eyes and gawked at how cold and dead they were, thanks mom.

... And I was not disappointed. In brief, your mother is ###$ up and what she was doing was ###$ up. Who even acts that way in any situation, let alone with a close relative, let alone with a son or daughter whom you're supposed to be raising? Not cool at all.

Farrow wrote:Now thankfully she doesn't do that anymore but she still asks me those questions as if she expects my to reveal some repressed memory or something that's going to fix everything. I haven't really made any attempts to show her that I love her besides saying it back to her and I don't really plan on it even if that makes me a terrible person. I just don't really care enough I guess.

If you had any other kind of mother, I'd suggest that you just keep replying that you love her, whether you mean it or not, whether you feel it or not, but from what you wrote above, your mother appears to have emotional needs that (a) you can not satisfy and (b) involve the most horrid kind of manipulation that you should avoid at all costs.

Akuma wrote: I am a bti surprised you dont want the depression label, because that seems basically what you are - at least on the most superficial level.
Does your dad live with you?

I don't agree with the depression label mainly because I've felt this or atleast began to notice it about 3 years ago and I don't feel any overwhelming amount of sadness, in fact I generally feel either nothing or happiness. The only time I would've considered myself depressed is after my first girlfriend broke up with me, that lasted probably about 4 - 6 months. Unfortunately my dad doesn't live with me, my parents divorced a long time ago, I see him every other weekend which makes things much, much easier to handle.

However, as you may be a minor I assume that your parents would need to be party to this, and you may prefer that they weren't. Use this forum for informal advice. I was diagnosed as an adult, but I believe that many of the users here were diagnosed as teenagers. Hopefully they will be able to help.

Yes you're exactly right, the only way I could think of is by talking to a school counselor but a counselor couldn't diagnose me I think, the school has a psychologist but I'm not entirely sure how that works and I imagine that if I was looking for a diagnosis they would notify my parents. I might just wait until I'm 18 but idk maybe if my mom recognizes I have this (If I do indeed have this) she'll get off my back.

If you had any other kind of mother, I'd suggest that you just keep replying that you love her, whether you mean it or not, whether you feel it or not, but from what you wrote above, your mother appears to have emotional needs that (a) you can not satisfy and (b) involve the most horrid kind of manipulation that you should avoid at all costs.

I would like to clarify that my mom isn't ALWAYS like this, I feel like she finally realized what she was doing but the alcohol makes her forget. I plan on leaving as soon as I can as honestly I think that would be the best thing for our relationship.

I remember being 16, and feeling different from the rest of the world, and having a mother that did not understand my needs, and hurt me alot with selfish actions, that i had to deal with unwillingly.

The good thing is, that you are aware of your ferlings and acknoledge your bounderies are being crossed by your mom. That indicate that you are are "normal" and helthy person, with the inteligent to reflect and know right from wrong.

I can only advice you to, seek out a psychiatrist in order to find out, if you are right. It is not adviceable to seek out psychiatric consultation through random people on the internet. Please contact a psychiatrist, and he will be able to give you the answers you seek. He can also tell you about the age thing. Give him a call, it is most likely free, when you call.

Don't panic if you find out you are schizoid, we are like the Hobbits of this world. Very homebound and not soo found of company.

Good luck