I'm new to both the board...

Ms. Anthropist wrote:And it must cause schizoids stress to some degree, even if they do completely enjoy being alone, otherwise this message board wouldn't exist.

One half of it is, like you say, a problem with distinguishing personal instinct from status quo (ie. everybody else is doing "it", so it's natural that people like us would think "is there something wrong with me for not being that way?". The question you should be asking is, of course, "Do I actually WANT to be that way?"). The other half is simply about the misunderstandings that can occur and extra effort required in doing things that come naturally to others.

Hello and welcome to the boards.
Im schizoid as well, male, 22, live in europe.

Ms. Anthropist wrote:1. Is anyone here as complete a loner as I am? If so, are you this way out of your own choice in which you accept yourself, or out of a feeling that you have an inability to change it?

I am.
Yes. Both. I am a solitarian by my own choice, but it's not something I've had as a goal - it just became like this. I also have the feeling (well, knowledge to be honest) that I have no ability to change it. But this doesn't bother me - Im a schizoid after all. I feel the best when Im alone, doing the things I like most (watchin movies, TV, be at my computer, read books, listen to music, etc). I also agree with you that socialization can be ok, even fun, under the right circumstances. I mostly loath the fake way you have to feel and act amongst people though.

Ms. Anthropist wrote:2. Relationships: Do most of you have them? What are your thoughts on schizoid people in relationships? Did you start having relationships late in life? I'd like to try a relationship someday, but I just haven't met anybody that has "gotten" me and the way I am to feel comfortable. Not to mention the fact that I am neither physically or emotionally attracted to most people. Is this common with people like us?

The only relationships I have is with my family and a small set of "people I know" (the word "friends" would be exaggerating). I had a better relationship with my family before I moved away from home ofc, and this bothers me cause they are the only people I like being around. The "people I know" are just ex-friends I used to know back in elementary school and highschool. We chat on the net sometimes and see each other 3-4 times a year and thats about it. Romantic relationships: Doesn't exist. Im interested in women, yes. But it takes a lot before I get interested. Anyway, I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with some woman. Well maybe if she was like me or respected me for who I am and shared some of my interests then maybe. But finding a woman like that is like finding a needle in a haystack (if not worse) so I just don't bother about it. I don't even know how to start looking so I just ignore the whole relationship -part of this "life"-thing.

Ms. Anthropist wrote:3. Any advice? I've been suffering with this for years and I'm just at a point where I have to start making positive changes in my life.

I have no constructive advice to be honest. I have a very grim and grey world- and life view, and sharing these ones with you would not do any good.

I'm schizoid with some avoidant tendencies and from what you have said I am more inclined to see you this way also Ms. Anthropist.

To work out which you predominantly are depends on your anxiety levels, high anxiety being an avoidant trait in my eyes. If they are always high in social situations due to fear of embarassment and rejection and deep inside you really yearn for affection and acceptance and secretly really want intimate relationships then you're more than likely avoidant. The good news is this affliction can be helped quite a bit these days.

If you could happily lock yourself away for days, weeks, years at a time and not miss anyone then you're schizoid.

We damn ourselves with our own pasts, the shame of not doing things the first time keeps us from correcting those "mistakes" later on.

I've never had a real girlfriend, and generally consider all my relations to be habitual and sustained by others. As soon as I am finished with high school, I have a feeling that I will have missed my last chance to be what they call "normal"

I'm not a complete loner, yet. I still have family and some friends, but once they are out of the picture, at that point in my life I'll probably die.

When nothing matters to you, when you don't care about anything or anyone, the only thing in your life is time. Whether you make it short, make it a lifetime, or make nothing of it, there will always be that time.

Ms. Anthropist wrote:What leans me towards schizoid is I feel deep down that I do not want social contacts or relationships of any kind. I've always felt this way. I have always avoided them whenever possible. But I also feel that this is intrinsically wrong and I'm abnormal for not desiring these things. So I get depressed over it.

This perfectly describes my mental situation. Even though I know it's just a case of my environment, my mind still veers (sometimes without me even realising it) to the people around me and how different I am to them. I know it's silly and I should've got past that stage by now - it must be a subconscious thing. Jerome's post probably summed it up best - just don't do any more comparing, it achieves nothing. Otherwise I never get "lonely" in that sense.

Ms. Anthropist wrote:But I've always suspected that I'm upset for not living up to other people's expectations, not out of a desire to have many social relationships.

Exactly. Just a case of misinterpreting emotions . I'm glad someone else feels the same way, schizoid or otherwise.

Ms. Anthropist, welcome to the forum

Your story sounds much like my own, except I was more social in my childhood and I'm 2 years older than you. When I was 22 I had it much like you describe. At the time I wasn't aware I was schizoid, I thought I was just strange and suffered from depression.

This made me challenge myself. Even if I at heart knew my own desires, I thought it was down to my depression and that if I could involve myself with friends and activities, have a girlfriend and a nice job, I would wake up and be happy.

At 23 years I made a rather important decision that I would never strive to have a relationship and thus no family/kids, that I would never have ambitions of a career and that I would accept my own desire to be alone and live a quiet life. This ended a five year long depression in just a split second. Major weight-of-my-shoulders moment.

If I could give one advice to a fellow schizoid it would be to stop striving to be normal because that is something that'll most likely make you unhappy.

1. I'm not a complete loner, but I spend most of my time alone. I have a lot of close friends, but most of them live in other cities, so I only see them in holidays. I'd say I'm this way out of choice.

2. Relationships: I've tried and didn't like it. I have little interest in sex, and I'm done experimenting, so that means I have no motivation to try it again. I think the circumstances would have to be very special for me to change my view on it.

I forgot about this thread, whoops.

As to the avoidant thing - I really don't get nervous in social situations. I used to in my teens, but I think that was just due to being awkward and unsure of myself. Nowadays I'm pretty confident and comfortable in my own skin. I'm no great orator or conversationalist but I get by. I feel I've made great strides in accepting myself over the last year or two and things continually get better. I know it's important that I stop comparing myself to other people. I'm still torn about socializing. It can be fun if I'm around a person or two I really like for short periods of time. I still have a great need for privacy and space, but I think I'm capable of having a few of the "right" people in my life.

Whoever mentioned preferring to intellectually connect with a person rather than emotionally is on the money with me too. I think the rules of attraction for me, whether it be for friends or otherwise goes like this:

1. Intellectual connection
2. Emotional connection through finding shared viewpoints on life
3. Physical or appearance-related connection

I'm not all that stressed about relationships. I don't want to give up on them completely, but if it doesn't happen it doesn't. I have met people that I know I could live with, and connected with deeply. I think my interest in sex is different than most peoples, but it is there. I would prefer to be having sex rather than not, but I would never go looking for it outside of a relationship. I haven't yet and don't see myself ever. Completely unappealing to me. Also, much like most other things, I can go without indefinitely. That's a common thread with me and possibly a lot of other schizoids - there are a lot of things in life I enjoy, such as limited social interaction, friendships, material possessions - but I can ALWAYS do without them without being fussed about it in the slightest. I'm very self reliant and could go weeks without seeing anyone with no problems.