I...felt something...

weird to say

i was working with my dad. usually it's like such a nil attitude towards working, not happy or sad, just there to do what we came there to do.

we're in some financial problems, my family, so my dad really counts us to help. me and him aren't very close, he's a nice guy with good intentions, but he's just annoying and obnoxious most of the time. i consider myself to hate him, he really means nothing to me.

his problem with work is a lack of help, he only has one guy besides himself, and he's in failing health so the work gets done really slow, with another competent worker he could easily half the time it takes to finish a job, he just needs more manpower. i don't know the trade well enough to consider myself competent, but i've worked with him enough times to practice all the basics.

well, he's cutting the floors, bitching about how much his arm hurts from doing it all day. it's hard for me to ask for things, i mostly try to be independent or a silent pair of arms when working in a group. i meekly comment, "you should teach me to cut" he drops what he's doing and takes me aside to tell me how hard it is and that i can't do it here.

my perception of social ties and common emotion is very dim, so understand, im not used to this kind of interaction. life is usually just sitting around by myself or doing what i'm told...now i'm a part of it.

i really could have cried right then. i finally remembered that feeling, being on the edge of tears...that weird ache...it's been so long since i've cried. and sometimes i really want to, just to prove to myself that i can. life seems so detached, neither good or bad...just nothing...

it's not very deep, i know. just some insiginificant little niche of my perception. i was thinking to myself on the way home... i crave self-expression every now and then and i wanted someone to hear this. thanks for listening.

Thanks for sharing that