Emotional Frigidity

In most cases the people telling me their problems wanted to take up my free time by inviting me out places or coming over, so pushing them away was probably another part besides almost blatantly ignoring them or giving much too blunt of advice for their comfort. It was always with petty things like their relationships or whatever little problems they had in their life at the time. I can't even pretend to care about that sort of thing if I don't know the person well.
Not that I'm qualified to suggest any diagnosis but it sounds as if you have a bit of social anxiety and maybe would like to talk, but some inhibition keeps you from doing so. Have you checked out the diagnostic criteria for schizotypal personality? I only suggest it because of you saying that social situations make you nervous when you're expected to participate, yet you say it's not from feelings of inadequacy, which rules out avoidant personality.

Well I had thought about social anxiety, because there are occassions where I'm uncomfortable in situations, but I don't want to be comfy so I can talk to people, I just dont like being uncomfortable. Also people with social anxiety seem to really want friends and want to be in groups and are really afraid of what people might say about them or that they might do something wrong..where I'm not like that either. Like my family for example, I'm completely comfortable with them, but like with family gatherings I go off and play games or w/e by myself instead of joining in and sitting there. Sometimes its not groups that bother me...like for instance one time my sister asked me to go to a bridge group, where these women played bridge. I have no problems with that, I like card games..I dont know how to play bridge but I'd be fine learning..Ive also like board games and things like that, but I didn't want to go cuz I knew who was there. This lady who works with my sister and shes nice and she tries to be nice but theres those few people who really try to get me to talk that I cant stand. Sometimes occassionally if I think it could be a possibility I'll pretend I didnt hear people so I don't have to say anything, but shes the type that really tries to get people to talk. And I'm a quiet person so she can say hi and if im half listening or not paying attention and dont hear she will make it a point to try and she will come up and say hello again until you do hear her and respond. I'm sure she's just trying to be nice and some people really try hard you know to "get you out of your shell" but I like my shell heh and if I wanted to talk I would talk, if I don't want to talk I want people to respect that and not try to make me talk. Like this other my sister had a bf once and we went to his house and his dad the entire time wouldnt just take the fact that I dont talk, he tried to get me to talk the entire time and its irritating to me. With the way I am though I'm really good at stopping people except those people. But Im very hard to make a conversation with irl heh And I have opinions, but if people ask open ended questions like oh and blah blah blah i think this about this and what do you think about it? I say I don't know, I shrug a lot, nod a lot stuff like that. I'm different from people on the forum in that I think I read some saying they'd hate to be around people who talk non stop and its annoying but out of that person or someone who really wants to conversate, I'd pick the talkative person to be around because talkative people talk and talk and they could care less what you have to say so they dont require you to talk, you can do what ever you want and your left alone for the most part. I think I probably have some social anxiety maybe, but I don't care to be around people so it doesnt bother me too much, except when Im forced to be around people and to talk to people Id rather feel comfortable doing it. Now it doesn't matter though 'cuz I don't have to go to school anymore. I'm a really calm person and pretty happy actually. I wasn't happy when I was younger, but now I am. I don't work or anything and I haven't ever had an actual job...maybe someday I will, so currently I just do what I want and it's just me and my mom. Which she works so I have all day the house to myself so its really nice. I've been around people enough to know I don't like being around people. Even when I did have friends I didn't hang out with them that often because I like having my own time where I get to do what ever I want and not have people there and deciding what I do or don't do. Not that I can't decide what to do, it's just I usually go along with what ever cuz its never important enough to me to really say anything, and If I were do decide what to do I'd probably decide to do something that doesn't include them like playing video games reading etc... I don't know, I just need to have my own time to do my own thing otherwise its like too much. Talking to people are okay occassionally like school I was fine talking to them at school and then I had my home time for myself so that worked okay. There are some things I've liked a lot that includes people, I've always liked going to restaurants with my family, I like the atmosphere of it and everything. I like the game monopoly too, which includes people, except for some reason no one seems to like the game. Although like the "hanging out" type of thing I was never that into. It has never bothered me to be alone and I prefer to be alone most of the time. I'm not a very interesting "fun" person heh I'm a little boring, I'm not outgoing and I'm not a partier type of person. I like to read, I like video games, I like cooking, gardening, walking, drawing, writing, making stuff...for example I made a calender which then I drew little pictures at the top for every month heh I do little things like that and I like doing that. That might be a difference in schizoid people and me, cuz I have all those interests and activities...although I dont do them all the time, but there something Im interested in. A lot of things I've ever wished to do was more of the fact I wanted the experience not really that I liked it. I don't want to grow old and ever think back on something that I wished I had tried, I went to like a club type place with my sister and 2 other people her bf and his brother I had just met, so I went (my sister is about the only one who can talk me into a lot of things..Im the youngest so ya) But anyway I went and when it was over my sister asked if I liked it, and I told her well I liked that I went. Meaning I liked that I went, so I got that experience, but as far as actually liking it a lot, I didn't, it was okay wasnt horrible but it wasn't like fantastic or anything either and Ive never gone back to one or felt the need to. I remember it being hot and stuffy cuz so many people and there was like one spot which I stood for the majority of the time, because it was the one spot with the air conditioner that would blow cool air down. So yep I'm just a strange person, but anything like anxiety if I were to have any has never bothered me enough to go find help for it or anything like that and I like the way I am.

Whoa O.o I should probably really pay more attention to what I type, feel free to just skim.

*Edit:

To address the part of schizotypal, I have looked it up and very similiar to that also, although I'm not paranoid or anything and my vocabulary is fine, I actually always tested well on that. Oh and from what I read of odd unusual beliefs, Im athiest and I don't really believe in paranormal or anything. Who knows. A lot of similiarities in that also though.

Shizotypal Similiarities:
Discomfort in social situations
Odd behavior or appearance
No close friends
Inappropriate display of feelings

Schizoid Similiarities:
Does not desire or enjoy close relationships
Avoids social activities that involve significant interpersonal contact
Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others
Has no close friends
Indifferent to praise or criticism
Aloof, cold affect
Exhibits little observable change in mood

-I dont add the strong emotions, because I do have emotions, I can get angry and everything and irritated, but anyone who isn't my family always used to say oh she never gets angry, nothing ever makes her angry, but I know things can make me angry. I'm just not into conflict.

-Also which wasnt listed there but usually listed other places is the sex thing. I've never had sex and the last relationship I had was when I was a freshman, but I'd want to at least experience it. Although I like it in my head just fine. Sounds like a nice idea.

-The innappropriate display of feelings and being cold and not having an observable change in mood may seem like contradictions, but it depends on the time or when or where, because like at school or in groups of people or around people I've always been the person who looks very serious about everything, once been told I dont have much of a sense of humor (I think I got more of one as I got older) , but then innappropriate displays of feelings ive had before, some examples could be like sometimes a couple times people had been going to our school and ive had in class before and the person died and the whole school cries, but I never cried about it and it didnt bother me enough to cry or anything, and I always thought people were so fake when they did because they probably barely knew the person and it wouldnt affect their life in anyway if that person died I just figured they wanted attention.

Thanks for the suggestion though, very similiar also, I never completely thought about schizotypal, I read about it, but never gave it a lot of thought.

Czyne wrote:What I'm asking is if any of you fake caring about what someone feels or is saying just because you care for the person, and how often you do it if so. For example, someone will come to me when a friend or family member has done something to hurt them and while I try to act sympathetic I usually feel nothing and will just give advice based on what I see as logical.

i do this a lot - my 2 friends often come to me for advice about life stuff that's happening to them. i try to listen but anything i advise will be purely logical because i just don't feel what they do and i have given up trying, to be frank.

i never really know whether i do actually care for these people - i like them, but i don't know how i'd feel if they weren't there, for instance. i guess i'd be sad if they died, but given my normal reaction when people die, it's hard to tell.

It seems you fit better with schizoid then. I was just curious about the nervousness in social situations, but there could be many different reasons for that. They make me uncomfortable sometimes too when I know I need to keep up an image and be careful not to offend.
I also think the way people are online is a truer reflection of themselves than how they act in person, but maybe I'm completely off on that one. It's just why I assumed that maybe you do want to speak up more than you do. As for the crying in school I would have a very hard time believing they weren't doing it just because they felt it was expected. It's hardly an inappropriate display of your feelings if you feel nothing. The way I understand it, for example, one girl I used to know would smile when she was talking about something that bothered her or while someone was giving her bad news. It was an involuntary act which displayed to others that she was feeling the exact opposite of what was true.

dogtanian, I know what you mean with being unsure about how much you care. It took losing my father for me to find that out. My 'grieving process' I guess it's called consisted of about a week starting from when I found out he had little time left (ended up as 2 days)- but when it comes down to it I feel/felt more regret that he didn't get to do everything he wanted to than sadness. In 5 days it'll have been a month since he died- and as previously stated I was living alone with him for a long time, so your attachment to your friends may be even less (unless you live with them too, I've no idea). It's hard to tell until you're forced to experience it and is probably mainly dependant on what type relationship you had with them.

Czyne wrote:
I also think the way people are online is a truer reflection of themselves than how they act in person

i would probably agree with that - i know that i am much more able to be "me" online than with people i know in real life because there aren't the constraints of sociablility and acceptability. for instance, if i get told allegedly sad news online, i can be honest and say "oh well" whereas, for instance, if my parents told me something like that, i'd be expected to say "the appropriate thing" if that makes sense?

example - recently my mum told me a friend of hers had had breast cancer. my internal reaction was "and?" but externally i had to express some kind of understanding of why this was bad. i don't know whether i achieved it but i would've got a massive dressing down from my mother if i hadn't expressed something - and to be honest i'd rather pretend a reaction and avoid getting into an argument about it. but online there's no need for that stuff.

dogtanian, I know what you mean with being unsure about how much you care. It's hard to tell until you're forced to experience it and is probably mainly dependant on what type relationship you had with them.

i think for me there's the extra thing that i tend to view death as "a good thing" - to me the idea of dying is preferable to the idea of a long life. i don't want to live long and i don't really understand when people do. i know 2 people who died very young (ie before 25) and those i had a small cry about, but it was more because it was expected of me in that situation (and because other people were crying which sets me off, whatever kind of mood i'm in).

Czyne wrote:I also think the way people are online is a truer reflection of themselves than how they act in person, but maybe I'm completely off on that one. It's just why I assumed that maybe you do want to speak up more than you do.

Well as far as offline and on goes, I am who I am online in that all of the opinions or thoughts or what ever I'm saying is exactly how I feel. When I talk to people irl, I don't ever feel the need to share certain things or want to, but online I type exactly whats in my head and half the time I don't actually mind if the other person is really listening(reading) it or not heh. I talk to myself too occassionally and when I talk to myself I can talk forever and go all out, where as I don't with other people. Who knows heh.

On the subject of friends dying:
I'm not quite sure how I'd feel since it's never happened, but usually when I was going to school I'd have one person I'd sit with at lunch or something, but they didn't always stay the same, the person would move or drop out of school etc... and someone else would be sitting there. It's not the same as dying, but I never felt bad about those people going away or not being there. However like my mother or sister, if they died then I'd be sad. It would change everything if my mom died, I wouldn't have anywhere to live and I'm used to her being there. My sister I always liked. I'd be sad if my other sister died too, but we aren't as close, so I would get over it a lot faster..which sounds horrible, but it's true. As for anyone else in my family, I don't talk to them so it wouldn't affect me.

i think for me there's the extra thing that i tend to view death as "a good thing" - to me the idea of dying is preferable to the idea of a long life.

Ah, I can see how that would influence your reaction, or lack thereof, to death. I don't view death as being good or bad, it's inevitable and everyone must come to terms with it some day but until then I'll try to enjoy the time I have. Whether I die young or old doesn't matter much so long as I retain my independance. I would never want to be kept alive on a machine or be forced to survive an accident which left me extremely physically or mentally handicapped.
My previous friend's husband died in his mid 20's from cancer. She was 21 at the time and I had to fake sympathy for her through it while under the influence of cannabis which, for some reason, shoots my anxiety level sky-high. Needless to say I wasn't much help, and just to explain why I even smoked it while knowing that, her entire household smokes it regularly and they would have blown smoke directly in my face if I refused anyway. Smoking granted less attention than refusing with the same outcome, although now I would probably just walk away from a situation like that regardless of being expected to stay and offer support.

I am who I am online in that all of the opinions or thoughts or what ever I'm saying is exactly how I feel.

That's how it should be in any situation in my opinion, though any society or subculture typically doesn't look favorably upon drifting too far from the norm which often leads to everyone ganging up on one person for holding an opposing view. It seems to me that strongly held beliefs/intense emotions are what makes tact necessary if we're to keep the peace, however dishonest it may be, because most people aren't very calm or rational from what I've seen. Anyhow, it's good that many people do at least have access to a social outlet in which they can be themselves without inhibition, whether it fuels or snuffs intolerance, or anyone at the other end is even paying attention.

Yea it should. I rarely ever lie though, so if they ask me my opinion on something then I'll tell them, but unless they ask, I usually wont say. Besides I kind of always figured people's own opinions are more important to them than others and people rarely change their opinions, so there's really no point in sharing yours with them. Everyone has the right to their own opinions, so it's never mattered to me.