Trying to explain

I wasn't sure where to post this, as I am new to all of this.

I recently went into couples therapy with my boyfriend. We live together and have been together for over 3 years. We were having a lot of issues, and I didn't feel like throwing the towel in. We've only had 1 session so far, and I had my individual session (he will have his this coming Monday), but the Therapist told me about this disorder today.

She said from what she got from him on our first session, and what I was telling her, that he was almost textbook. She also said that she wouldn't know for sure until she talked to him a few times to learn what his perspective was.

Basically, he has gotten very distant. We first met because he tried to get me to go to a party with him. I didn't even know him at the time. He was at the neighbor's house on their porch and called over to me. We kept seeing each other on the porches, and he kept inviting me over/out/or just tagging along with me and my friends. He loved going out and talking with people, especially debating politics. He has that type of mind that he remembers all the minute details (granted, he probably couldn't tell you the date of Valentine's day, even though I have told him countless times over the years). But over the years he has retreated into his activities of running on the treadmill, working out, reading (flies through books, and scours internet sites -- football, current events), and watching football and documentaries.

He barely ever shows any emotion to me anymore. It used to be telling me that he loved me, or small physical things - holding hands, poking me when he walked by, things like that with or without other people around. Now he tells me that PDA makes him uncomfortable, and that when he see's other people do it "it is annoying". Needless to say, the physical side of our relationship has died a slow (and painful) death.

He doesn't see any of his old friends anymore, nor has he gained any new ones -- over 3 years. He doesn't show any interest in anything that I do -- which is disheartening because I see other people involved in the same activities (in this case: sport) I'm involved in and their spouses/significant others are around because they want to be invloved in the lives of those they care about. They might not be involved with the sport directly, but they might volunteer, or at least come to the parties that they occasionally have so that we can get together when we're not all sweaty and gross from practice. He just doesn't see the point because he isn't interested in those things. He comes to some things, but always looks as though he can't wait till it's over.

I'm just to the point that I don't know what to do. I am going to research it more, to try and help understand it. I have been through depression on my own, but not this disorder. I'm just looking for some insight (and will read through this site more when I'm not at work) and maybe some responses from people on how they were before they got this way, or if they ever were social. Have any of you been able to work through any of it, with the help of therapy or on your own (he won't take any medication for anything)? Also, he doesn't feel that he has a problem. That it is ok that he doesn't want to talk to anyone, and that we don't ever do anything physical (it has honestly been at least 5 months).

I had been reading books on relationships, on counseling, on sex, on therapy.. but apparently I had been on the wrong topic. Like I said, I don't know if this is what he has, but the traits are dead on. I'm just looking for more information and would really appreciate any help that anyone might give.

I do also apologize if any of this was covered in previous posts. I am trying to skim this while I have a minute at work, but I'm not able to really look too closely. Hopefully I will be able to tonight when I get home.

Thank you so much for your time.

You can start a new thread if you want, you might want to, this one is getting sort of long and rambling.

It does sound like your boyfriend is exhibiting many schizoid characteristics, but if he at one time was more social, then it is not likely that he actually has Schizoid personality disorder which tends to start early with most... and be a lifelong thing.
In many men, depression is exhibited as an almost schizoid withdrawal from life, so this may be what your friend is experiencing if at one time he did like to be social and have friends. Certainly, as your therapist says, his perspective on the problem is very important as there are a number of reasons why he may be withdrawn. Although it is not too likely that he is going to change if he doesn't feel that he has a problem and is content with his current life. Though it doesn't sound like he has much interest or even need to have a relationship with anyone. Maybe therapy will shed some light on the subject. Best of luck.

Gary

Thank you for your response. I'm hoping that it is something other than SPD and that he is able to come out of it. I'm also hoping that the therapist will be able to get through to him a little. I know that we have other issues to work out, but it would probably solve a lot if I could just get him back.

Thanks again.