Settled "together" or settled "alone"?

>>>when I told her my whole SPD story, she said I should not give up on looking for a someone. I think I'll follow her advice.<<<

Why did she think that an SPD needed to be with someone? Why do you agree? Reading here, it seems most SPDs don't want to be with someone all the time.

Janie wrote:>>>when I told her my whole SPD story, she said I should not give up on looking for a someone. I think I'll follow her advice.<<<

Why did she think that an SPD needed to be with someone? Why do you agree? Reading here, it seems most SPDs don't want to be with someone all the time.

Well, I didn't tell her I was an SPD because I didn't know yet I was one. I just told her most of my weirdo issues--like being afraid of women and sex, falling in love for the first time, and that I wanted a virgin girl like herself and myself--and then she said I shouldn't give up. I guess there must be more girls like her out there who are not engaged.

Yes, there are more girls like that out there, although you might need to find one much younger than yourself.

Why are you so afraid of women? Have you been that way your whole life? Do you want to change that? How sure are you that you're SPD? Have you ever tried therapy? That might help you to figure out what you want and how to get it.

Janie wrote:Yes, there are more girls like that out there, although you might need to find one much younger than yourself.

Why are you so afraid of women? Have you been that way your whole life? Do you want to change that? How sure are you that you're SPD? Have you ever tried therapy? That might help you to figure out what you want and how to get it.

Actually, I've liked girls since I was 5. However, I always saw them as part of the alcohol-sex-drugs-tobacco life-ruining formula.

Until I met her. I liked her because I immediately sensed she was a girl I could learn the whole thing with from the very beginning. Then I read about Christian courtship, that is, the thing she's doing with her bf back in the US. It's a family-overlooked process in which the young couple get to know each other at an in-depth level (excluding any kind of physical contact) and build commitment for 2-3 years, then if they get along as "brother and sister in Christ" or whatever they proceed to engagement and finally get married. Once married they start the physical part of the relationship. That's pretty cool, just what I need! Step-by-step, slow and rational, nothing left to chance or to feelings. BTW, she's 22 and I'm 30, so I guess I need a girl that age or younger to start from zero. I hope there are good girls out there who want an older guy who doesn't want to jump on them.

Darn it. I feel a bit like Edward scissorhands.

Janie wrote:Caring, really caring, leads to all kinds of battles and wars. Being indifferent, not caring about anything, leads to, well, nothing. No one gets passionate about nothing. You have to care, really care, before you're willing to do something.

i'm sorry, but i totally disagree.

some wars are fought due to people caring; the spanish civil war, world war two etc.

but most, throughout history, are fought by the total lack of caring shown by those in power for anything other than greed.

early intra-european war was over land and control of territory and peoples.

the crusades were fought over territory, and control of trade routes (ie money). people think they were fought because of care for religious integrity but that's crap.

the napoleonic wars: territory and control of empires.

colonial conflict (including the "genocide" of native americans by white settlers): territory and control of "the other" (ie people who weren't white)

world war one: possibly the grossest act of uncaring disgrace ever. fought over the territorial control of a city, and fear of loss of face, by 6 empire states, none of whom had the slightest regard for the people who did the actual fighting.

the first gulf war could potentially be seen as "caring" about the plight of kuwaitis but you can bet that the americans welcomed the opportunity to embed their military powers in an oil rich region.

the iraq war: fought on a tissue of lies: north korea, at around the time of the WMD fiasco, was waving its arms and yelling that it had nuclear weaponry. everyone ignored them. so clearly no one cared about WMD.

bin laden went from world's most wanted to someone the US govt admitted they didn't care about in the space of a few months. everyone ignored the fact that bin laden and hussein hated eachother.

even going into the war, no one cared enough, in the war office, to think of a viable exit strategy: no one cared what would happen to the iraqi state and people after invasion. they just cared about the territory and the resources.

i think that wars fought over people genuinely caring about something enough to stand up for their beliefs are sadly incredibly rare.

Wars are politics by other means. It neither begins nor ends. Its merely enters and exists our conscience at pre-determined times. It Changes... There is always someone, somewhere looking over the horizon for it.

Joe Dirt wrote:Wars are politics by other means. It neither begins nor ends. Its merely enters and exists our conscience at pre-determined times. It Changes... There is always someone, somewhere looking over the horizon for it.

i would say wars are politics by its own means, if you believe max weber et al. i think you're right. there's a statistic (i can't find it now) which is that globally, at any given moment, there are a certain number of wars/conflict going on - the number is much bigger than you'd expect, it's over 100 if i remember rightly. it's just that not everyone bothers about the same ones. it depends on local interests.

I prefer to be single, I don't want kids and I never get lonely either.

I really don't know. I mean, before falling in love with that girl--I never thought I was going to fall in love with a living person--my position was no partner nor children for me.

However, now I'm really messed up. Now I think it would be nice to be married to such a great girl and have children if she wished so. Notice that I didn't say I would like her as a girlfriend to fool around and stuff. No, I would like her as a wife. Why? Because I know that I would be unable to develop any level of intimacy with someone outside my family. However, for me to marry her or any other girl, I would need to get to know her very well over a long period at a reasonably in-depth level (like childhood buddy level), which would be a challenge to me because I have never done it with anyone outside my family and because of my constant mobility situation.

dogtanian wrote:

Janie wrote:Caring, really caring, leads to all kinds of battles and wars. Being indifferent, not caring about anything, leads to, well, nothing. No one gets passionate about nothing. You have to care, really care, before you're willing to do something.

i'm sorry, but i totally disagree.

some wars are fought due to people caring; the spanish civil war, world war two etc.

but most, throughout history, are fought by the total lack of caring shown by those in power for anything other than greed.

Greed is still a form of caring, I think.

And if the whole world were schizoid, I doubt we'd have wars--no one would give enough of a $#%^. 'We have to get up at 4am to go shoot some people? Nevermind.'

Dogtanian, I'm currently in the US: Land of the Vacuous, Home of the Xenophobic.