Settled "together" or settled "alone"?

Even though I think it would be cute to have the TV family.... Being realistic, I wouldn't be the TV dad/ husband.

I realised this the other day. I don't see how it would be...me being a father... though I would LOVE to be a grand father one day... but I don't see it happeneing...

And as far as spending the rest of my life with sdomeone, its starting to look more and more unlikely.... very much unlikely, but that doesn't bother me the least.

jradetzky wrote:The other day, however, I met a girl that make me fall head over heels. And she wasn't even good-looking, just cool and shy, but I immediately thought we would look well together in a marriage. Unfortunately, she's gonna marry someone else soon, so that's not an option. However, that experience made me question my whole SPD weirdness and I thought that it would be nice to settle down with someone like her. It would be cool.

Being engaged with a type of person in particular would be beneficial for schizoids. It would take an introverted person that knows how to fill her time when she is alone and that respects your extraordinary need for solitude. She would have to be a good conversationalist that cares about something else than gossip and the weather. You would do things together, of course, but it wouldn't be what you do by default. The selling point wouldn't be going somewhere or doing something, but being together. I read somewhere that schizoids are at they best when they have a relationship that doesn't put too much pressure on them. They have a future to look forward to. It gives you a reason to go on. You feel motivated to work harder, or to even work at all. For people that struggle with meaningless lives, it is quite a feature.

The middle stages of the relationship could require applying for jobs that demand more responsability. Kids, too. There must be someone that doesn't want kids and who is content with monthly checks that barely pay the rent and some groceries. Unfortunately, these kind of girls, independent as they are, are close to impossible to find in my experience. Most likely you will end up with the usual outgoing girl that finds your weirdness lovable but that flees when she realizes that your quirks are symptoms of a full-blown "madness".

That shouldn't stop you from trying.

If you know any women that don't expect marriage, don't feel that they have to be spoiled all the time, don't complain all the time, who likes sex, doesn't honestly want kids and who hasn't been affected with Feminism and someone who would let you have all the space you want. I don't think there are any though.

Well, I don't mind marriage. I don't like sex. Hell, I could do without it for the rest of my life, thank you. I don't mind feminists either: I respect women equally. I don't have any reason not to do so, but I can't stand women who want to dominate in their turn. I knew a lot of women that mistreated and used men "because that's what *they* do with us", even if the victims didn't do it. I hold no more respect for these women than I hold for misoginists.

Good women exist, and most of them sit quietly in a corner reading a good book. In my wet dreams, they even read Dostoievski. But I can't fathom how to contact them. It is worse for us, because we are supposed to make the first, the second and the third move to start a relationship.

SilentType wrote:don't feel that they have to be spoiled all the time,

That is the reason pursuing a romantic relationship puts me off right now. Some women feel that you have to prove you are worthy of having her or else she will look around to find another guy. I guess they justify themselves by the offer/demand principle, but it still seems downright vile to me.

That is the reason pursuing a romantic relationship puts me off right now. Some women feel that you have to prove you are worthy of having her or else she will look around to find another guy.

This is because of Feminism Men and Women are equal but many women are convinced they are better and more important and therefore if you don't spoil them or empty your wallet out they will find someone else who will.

I want to clarify something.

Some women feel that you have to prove you are worthy of having her or else she will look around to find another guy.

I see love as a verb, so I actively tried to make the other person happy whenever I had the opportunity. What I meant is that some women seldom think like that. For them it is always us who put some effort in the relationship. I can't count how many times I had to put up with mood changes that were always my fault for no other reason that she was feeling them.

I forgot: never go out with someone who believes something is true because it makes him or her feel good, and who doesn't want to talk about some subject because "it's depressing". They just don't live in the same universe.

Joel Overbeck wrote:Being engaged with a type of person in particular would be beneficial for schizoids. It would take an introverted person that knows how to fill her time when she is alone and that respects your extraordinary need for solitude. She would have to be a good conversationalist that cares about something else than gossip and the weather. You would do things together, of course, but it wouldn't be what you do by default. The selling point wouldn't be going somewhere or doing something, but being together. I read somewhere that schizoids are at they best when they have a relationship that doesn't put too much pressure on them. They have a future to look forward to. It gives you a reason to go on. You feel motivated to work harder, or to even work at all. For people that struggle with meaningless lives, it is quite a feature.

The middle stages of the relationship could require applying for jobs that demand more responsability. Kids, too. There must be someone that doesn't want kids and who is content with monthly checks that barely pay the rent and some groceries. Unfortunately, these kind of girls, independent as they are, are close to impossible to find in my experience. Most likely you will end up with the usual outgoing girl that finds your weirdness lovable but that flees when she realizes that your quirks are symptoms of a full-blown "madness".

That shouldn't stop you from trying.

Yeah. I liked her because it was a lot like looking at my own mirror image and we were both into food and Spanish but kept a healthy distance at all times. It was really cool because she gave me a reason to look forward to and I felt motivated as never before. I've just been reading "falling in love" has to do with adrenalin and endorphin being released by the hypothalamus into the bloodstream, so I guess being with her activated my otherwise dormant hypothalamus.

What I liked even more is that when I told her that I was in love with her she said she was disappointed, because I looked so distant and cool, not like the "normal" kind of guy that was ready to propose to girls. Unfortunately, due to her religious beliefs and to her engagement we cannot continue to meet now that she knows about my interest. However, when I told her my whole SPD story, she said I should not give up on looking for a someone. I think I'll follow her advice.

Joel Overbeck wrote:I forgot: never go out with someone who believes something is true because it makes him or her feel good, and who doesn't want to talk about some subject because "it's depressing". They just don't live in the same universe.

Right on to THAT! I deal with people at work now who don't want to hear about anything 'depressing', which is really anything that has more weight than the current celebrity pregnancy or fad diets.

This is how wars get started. The majority don't want to think about 'depressing' things and so look the other way, distracted by shiny things, while the people with money decide what to do. Wars make money. So we go to war. Nice. Thanks, you vacuous, a-holes!

Alex Foster wrote:

Joel Overbeck wrote:I forgot: never go out with someone who believes something is true because it makes him or her feel good, and who doesn't want to talk about some subject because "it's depressing". They just don't live in the same universe.

Right on to THAT! I deal with people at work now who don't want to hear about anything 'depressing', which is really anything that has more weight than the current celebrity pregnancy or fad diets.

tell me about it i know of people who don't watch any tv news because it's "too depressing" - no wonder they're thick as pigshit.

This is how wars get started. The majority don't want to think about 'depressing' things and so look the other way, distracted by shiny things, while the people with money decide what to do. Wars make money. So we go to war. Nice. Thanks, you vacuous, a-holes!

i don't know if you're in the US but here in the UK 2 million or something people marched against the iraq invasion and the prime minister ignored everyone.

but you're right that people ignoring stuff leads to war. or people turning a blind eye to stuff going on around them. one of the reasons the holocaust got as far as it did, or the genocide in rwanda etc, was that people just ignored it. and after the 2nd world war, the west turning a blind eye to african genocide is something that makes me ashamed to be western. well, if i actually felt shame, you know what i mean. intellectually it makes me ashamed.

Caring, really caring, leads to all kinds of battles and wars. Being indifferent, not caring about anything, leads to, well, nothing. No one gets passionate about nothing. You have to care, really care, before you're willing to do something.