Planning and Gifts...

I understand now whyI used to tell people that I don't plan things...

My "friends" used to always ask me....

do you want to ______?

When do you want to ______?


Blah, blah, blah..... And each time, its like I never told them before. "I don't plan things like going to the movies....or hanging out...or going here or going there.....or doing this... doing that."

I believe that I could have tolerated being around them more than I have, but once I had to keep doing this over and over, day to day almost... It just made me stay away...

And know the smallest thing they ask me...its a turnoff and I want to go home.

Before, I honestly thought that I just was a spontaneous person, but I never did anything like going out with anyone spontaneously, it was always by myself.

Once again, I'm just having those mushy feelings inside for having an answer for something.


But what I was more curious about.... do any of you like recieving gifts from anyone?

Basically, I'm trying to figure out if this is trait of SPD or just the way I am...

Like, I don't mind if its a christmas gift or birthday... but I have some "friends" who liked to buy me stuff at random... sometimes expensive.... and I always tell them NO, but they do it anyway, and I don't like it...

I'm thinking this is just the way I am, as some things I would like to work at and get myself, though I am not complaining about having things I would have got m yself anyway...

Its hard to explain. And for me to spirtual, I wonder if its a way of me being blessed... IDK. Just slightly confusing...

Well, let's say that if I find someone who answers to 'where do you want to go' and 'what do you see yourself doing in the future' 'I don't care' and 'nothing', I'd marry this person instantly. I couldn't care less where I am as long as I'm connecting on a profound level (with a book, writing or with someone in particular). I don't like going far from home when I'm not alone because I'll be damn tired when we come back and then I won't care about any social convention. I don't get the obsession with doing something different everyday. I understand this is common for them, but at first I processed it almost as an insult. For me was more than enough to be with someone I cared about. Hell, that's a whole new world to explore after all.

I don't like receiving gifts, I guess because it's expected you should react in a certain way and even when I liked the gift I had to fake the emotion. If I care about the person giving the gift, I will feel bad for not being able to respond in an adequate manner and for lying about it. Most of the time I don't even like having the things: they have an implied emotional value that makes them 'alien' for me, like an intrusion. But I don't think this is common among other squizoids.

Planning: I hate planning things because I know I'll dread it and have to find a way to get out of it later. It's better to not bother and save myself the stress.

Gifts/favours: They say if you want someone to like you get them to do something for you. That seems backwards, but it's true. When someone does something for you, they expect you to like them so they like you in advance. I dislike gifts because the person is expecting me to like them for giving me the gift and therefore likes me. If it's something I don't need or like and haven't asked for then why should I say thank you? You could break my arm without my permission and I'd feel the same way. It's unwanted and unneeded. You're asking me to like you. It seems unfair to me.

PhoenixJay wrote:Before, I honestly thought that I just was a spontaneous person, but I never did anything like going out with anyone spontaneously, it was always by myself.

So do you think you are a spontaneous person now?

I'm not a spontaneous person at all, however I still don't like planning things with other people because it makes it more difficult to get out of them

PheonixJay wrote:But what I was more curious about.... do any of you like recieving gifts from anyone?

My gift to you is that you don't have to get a gift for me...

I'm not sure if disliking gifts is a common trait of SPD, but it does make sense.

AC

No, I don't think spontaneous has anythingt o do with me now.... know call what I do, riding on the wings of life.

And as far as what I used to say about being spontaneous..I said I was spontaneous as a way for them to stop asking me things that required me to plan stuff.... and all of that was before I found out about SPD. So now I get it. lol

planning - erm... i do and i don't. i plan my home life to the second. i have a calendar in my phone, and i put things in it "to do" - anything down to as small as taking laundry out of the machine. if i am going somewhere it's like a military operation. and if someone gets in the way of that, i get anxious. for instance if i allow a certain time to get somewhere and the traffic's bad or something it can make me anxious for the rest of the day. for me, late is categorically NOT better than never.

that said, if i have nothing major planned, i can quite happily postpone everything and sleep all day. essentially, if i cancel plans myself it's fine but if others do it.... that's not good.

also, one of the reasons i enjoy travelling so much is that i get to plan things. last year i went from london to vladivostok (east coast of russia) by train and that really was like a military op. i had to plan train times, hotels, flights, visas etc and all in russian (which i speak a tiny bit but really not much) and polish and belarussian (i speak none of either). but i enjoyed it almost as much because of that as because of the trip.

i'm off to Vegas for new year, as usual by myself, and that's taken lots of planning also. i really do like planning travel because there's so much - it appeals to my inner PA!

as for gifts, yeah, i like getting them but sometimes (ok, often) i wind up thinking "what made them think i'd like this?".

what's a bit odd about me considering how much i like to be alone is that i seem to be one of the world's best gift buyers. i guess maybe it's because i observe people and things around me more than interacting. but i often see something in a shop and it will instantly link in my head to a certain person. my family and 3 friends are always on about how i buy the best presents. two of the friends have asked me way in advance (when we were about 15) whether i'd be godmother to their kids because of this very assumption. i said as long as i don't have to be christian, i'll cope with it.

it is kind of contradictory to my nature, but i actually quite like buying gifts.

I think thats cute...hehe