No interest in sex with other people/asexual

This is an episode of a U.S. news programme my husband and I participated in about asexuality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p4m8Tv6ftU

I thought it may be of interest since many schizoids fall into the category of asexual.

I think many sees us as asexual because we don't want relationships (or seek out relationships).

And I think that "symptom" should be removed from the criteria list, since most schizoids DO "please themselves".

Well, having sexual attraction and having a libido are two different things. Sexual attraction means you want to do sex with another person. Having a libido is just an urge you can satisfy yourself.

Physically, I'm attracted to a lots of females; mentally, not at all.

I'd definately say that I have a normal and healthy sex drive; in fact, that's about the only thing I would consider 'normal' about myself. On a mental level though, I'm just as repulsed as I'm sure the opposite sex is of me.

Back when I went to school I knew that a lot of girls were attracted to me, but they always shyed away from my personality. I could've faked it to get laid more, but I don't like being faky. When, if ever, I do find someone who is attracted to my personality I know that girl will be something special. But I highly doubt that will ever happen so I don't even bother to look anymore.

If I could, I'd plant my seed in as many women as I could just to ensure the survival of 'our' species. The world needs more people like us. Also, I can literally feel the bioligical urge to procreate because afterall, that is our duty as living creatures; that's what we were designed to do. For the most part though, I choose to ignore these sexual urges to procreate. I can just use masterbation as a way of tricking my mind into thinking I'm fulfilling my duty. I definately wouldn't want to deal with any of the children I could potentially have either. That's one thing I know for certain is that I don't want anything to do with children. I would be a terrible father anyways. I'd rather it be like in the animal kingdom, where the mother raises the kids and the father is off spreading his seed elsewhere and is never ever seen again by their families.

Actually, I was curious about this so I took a look at that asexuality website last night and read the FAQ. I think it is very difficult to draw the line between "I choose not to have sex" and "I don't want to have sex". Since if you choose not to, you probably don't want to...and if you don't want to, you probably wouldn't choose to (well, not taking into account doing it for different reasons, such as social pressure).

AC

First of all, Alex, I want to say I admire what you are doing and that, from what I've gathered from your posts, from your blog and from the video, I think you are a wonderful human being. I never thought about how an squizoid would look like, but there's something quite familiar in your eyes and in your manner of speech that hits close to home. I couldn't define it though.

And holy crap I dress exactly like David Jay. And when I was younger I had the same hairstyle he had.

The sex therapist doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm colorblind, by the way, and sure I don't miss colors. But I've had sex and I don't miss it. In fact, I had grown to loathe it. Of course there's a reason we don't like sex and I won't delude myself to believe it's as normal as normality, but it's ridiculous to think we can't have happy relationships with other asexuals (or with "normals" that accept us) because of that.

I had the same confusion about my sexual orientation for a couple of years since I was thirteen years old. I didn't had the urge to bed women, even though I pleasured myself thinking about them. I thought maybe with men I would feel what other guys felt about women. I didn't find men appealing at all in the end, and fortunately I didn't go as far as having sex with one. It made my adolescence more horrible than it was. I even tried to commit suicide a couple of times, because I thought life could just get worse. That's why I ended up seeing a psychiatrist, by the way.

aloofiam wrote:That's one thing I know for certain is that I don't want anything to do with children. I would be a terrible father anyways.

I have made the same decision. I can't stand children, but I thought that would change when I had my own. I had an absent and detached father and I know very well how much it harms a family.

I edit my post because I forgot something: I'm disgusted by the way they intended to manipulate your intention to have sex with your husband. For me at least, the fact that someday I could feel like having sex with my partner would mean that I would have grown so connected to her that I would like to fuse with her (as silly as it sounds), not to satisfy my primitive impulses. I hate when they try to make as deep down we are just like them, only we are not willing to admit it.

Joel, thanks.

Everyone with a brain hates the sex therapist. She's going to be on Montel with some other members of AVEN in January and apparently she was a complete idiot at that taping, as well.

Acid Crystal wrote:Actually, I was curious about this so I took a look at that asexuality website last night and read the FAQ. I think it is very difficult to draw the line between "I choose not to have sex" and "I don't want to have sex". Since if you choose not to, you probably don't want to...and if you don't want to, you probably wouldn't choose to (well, not taking into account doing it for different reasons, such as social pressure).

AC

There's a great huge line between the two, actually, AC. I've never been interested in sex (with another person) at all and there are quite a few people who are the same way, but they do have sex to please their partner/because they want kids/etc. I would never do it, but that's their decision.

There are also people who have a high sex drive and choose not to have sex because they believe in conserving energy for other resources or because of religious reasons. We get those people quite a bit.

What you feel and what you do are two different things.

It's like when a gay person wants to be straight--they'll have heterosexual sex, but it don't make them straight. Inside they're still gay as the day is long.

Alex Foster wrote:What you feel and what you do are two different things.

It's like when a gay person wants to be straight--they'll have heterosexual sex, but it don't make them straight. Inside they're still gay as the day is long.

this is so true. as i've said in other posts i went through a time of immense promiscuity, which i ... well, i wouldn't really say i regretted it because i can hardly remember most of it, thankfully. but i wouldn't do it again.

i never enjoyed sex, ever, although i still got physical cravings and still do, although really not often, maybe every couple of months or so, and i can dispense with it by just thinking about something else for a bit.

even back then the actual physical "need" was usually absent, sex was something i did because 1: i was too drunk to say no and 2: because it was offered and easy.

i am unsure whether i've ever had sex sober, i think it's unlikely, but i know i have always hated it with a revulsion that was so physical and so deep seated that i know for certain it wasn't just that old chestnut of "oh you just haven't found the right person yet".

i had the internal debate as to whether it was just one sex that disgusted me, but it wasn't. i tried men and women and although women were marginally more bearable, they were almost as bad as each other.

my revulsion to sex is so bad that if a kissing scene comes on tv i have to cover my eyes. in the course of my SI i once ended up having to have a razor blade removed from a rather delicate area: because i thought if i did that i'd never have to have sex again

im 99.9% certain i was never abused. this is more of a physicality thing: physicality in any sense disgusts me: back to the tv thing, if a man takes his top off, i have to cover my eyes.

i realise this is a bit odd, i'm 30 years old, i shouldn't be reacting like a child to these things. but i can't help myself.

for years i was really ill depressively because i was forcing myself to do these things (and i was raped at least once) because other people expected it and i was too drunk to really care.

now i've decided to say "no more" i feel so much better. if i get physical urges i'm content enough with DIY. if i never have sex again it'll be too soon. i dislike the social aspect and can't cope with the physical side.

Alex Foster wrote:There are also people who have a high sex drive and choose not to have sex because they believe in conserving energy for other resources or because of religious reasons. We get those people quite a bit.

This describes me very well, except that I don't have a super high sex drive. I choose not to have sex for religious reasons; and because I am a schizoid, that possibility never presents itself in the first place. Under the perfect circumstances in marriage with a religious schizoid like myself, I would consider sex. But even then, I tend to envision relationships in more of a Platonic way.