Insipid conversation

The holiday season begins tomorrow in the U.S. with Thanksgiving, a meal I've never liked because inevitably someone starts the 'What are you thankful for?' question and then you go around the table and everyone says something heartwarming. I always lie because I'm not thankful for anything, really. I don't mean that in a bad way--but I don't much care how my health is or my life or anyone else's life.

But that's not all--we'll also have to make chit chat with people we only see once a year. I find mindless blather ... well, mindless blather. I don't see the point in rabbiting on at people I couldn't give a toss about. This is the time of year I come to loathe humanity, when most of the time I don't think about it one way or another. I come to loathe it because for an extended period of time I'm forced to act like I care. I dislike acting. It's not fair to myself nor to the person I'm talking to. I wouldn't want someone to do something they hated in order to please me... where's that damn golden rule, anyway?

How do you deal with holiday (or any day) induced small talk?

pretty much in a similar way. i pretend to be interested but take frequent breaks to somewhere else: my room or a bathroom or somewhere and just have a breather and a break from it for a few minutes where i can be on my own and just prepare myself for the next bit.

i used to be a smoker, and that provided a good opportunity but i gave up, shame really.

These kind of occasions are like the dentist.
I go to them very seldom. But when I have to, I pull myself together and "endure" it, just to get over it. Cause I know that if I don't go to the dentist, bigger troubles lies ahead.

I play the game so to speak.

I don't mind spending time with my family (mother, father, siblings) but if it goes beyond them (other members of the family, say my brother's wife and her family for example) I really really hate it. I hate the dumbass people asking me things they don't care about in the first place. And I hate having to "reply" by doing the same.
I don't understand why people must be so damn shallow.

I mark "must" in bold cause it's like people got OCD or something. They "have" pretend like they give a ###$.
This is my main reason why im so misanthropic. People are (in general) so damn unauthentic.

Yeah, I live in the U.S. too, and this holiday season is going to be a pain in the ass. I guess I'm lucky that my family doesn't do anything quite as annoying as "let's all take turns saying what we are thankful for". I hate it when people try to get to know me. It isn't so bad with my more immediate family because they already think they know me (even though they don't), so it's easy enough to steer the conversation away from myself and only sort of half listen, chiming in with stupid comments every now and then so people don't think my presence is ackward. But then there are the people I don't see much, who think it is their duty to act all friendly and force me to talk...and I'm just too polite to tell them to leave me alone.

One tactic that I *always* use for these kind of situations is to help out a lot with the clean up and other mindless jobs. Then if someone tries to strike a conversation with me, I just give a minimal answer and look like I'm concentrating on doing the dishes or something. Then my mind can wander and I can start thinking about what I'm going to do when the damn thing is over and I am alone again...

Artificial Lifeform wrote:I don't mind spending time with my family (mother, father, siblings) but if it goes beyond them (other members of the family, say my brother's wife and her family for example) I really really hate it.

Oh yeah...definitely. This year in addition to the usual family get together, my brother's girlfriend and her parents have invited us all over for dinner with their family. I actually don't have a problem with any of them yet - but one thing I've learned is that if I don't refuse now, it will only get worse as I get labeled as being part of this "social group". I really feel like I've gotta get out of this one.

Artificial Lifeform wrote:I don't understand why people must be so damn shallow.

I mark "must" in bold cause it's like people got OCD or something. They "have" pretend like they give a ###$.

lol...it is a good illustration of how what is considered normal behavior and what is considered a disorder is totally arbitrary depending on where the majority happen to fall.

AC

Acid Crystal wrote:But then there are the people I don't see much, who think it is their duty to act all friendly and force me to talk...

Oh, the irony. They think the best way to win you over is to ask you questions you don't want to answer and they don't really care about. I'm always tempted to say, 'I recognise you're trying to be "friendly" but the way to make me like you is to avoid that rubbish. Happy holidays!'

Acid Crystal wrote:One tactic that I *always* use for these kind of situations is to help out a lot with the clean up and other mindless jobs. Then if someone tries to strike a conversation with me, I just give a minimal answer and look like I'm concentrating on doing the dishes or something.

That's a good plan--I hadn't thought of that. I'll have to borrow it.

Acid Crystal wrote: Then my mind can wander and I can start thinking about what I'm going to do when the damn thing is over and I am alone again...

Oh boy, do I do that. 'When I get home I'm going to sit on my tuchas and read and listen to music.'

Acid Crystal wrote:one thing I've learned is that if I don't refuse now, it will only get worse as I get labeled as being part of this "social group". I really feel like I've gotta get out of this one.

That's very astute. You're right. If you accept once then you're stuck forever. Hmmmm. I shall retain that bit of wisdom for later.


I wish you all a socialising-free holiday!

that's a very good observation about the "must" aspect of people's sociability. i think it's a common thing in society to define their life by how popular they are and how many friends they have. to me, this seems incredibly weak and i fail to understand how people can't realise that they are the only person in their life that really understands them.

as for the social season thing, i have problems with it because my dad was a vicar before he retired. this meant that for as long as i can remember i not only had to do the social party thing but also the church social thing: because i was the vicar's daughter i'd have endless people coming to ask how i was, what i was up to blah blah and i hated it. i also hated the part where i had to sit through a church service and pretend to believe in all the crap they were on about and try to keep my annoyance in check that all these seemingly rational individuals could fall for such rubbish.

after my dad retired i was hoping to get out of this. my parents know i'm atheist. in the past the excuse was that because dad's the vicar it would seem bizarre if the whole family didn't go to church: i didn't agree with that but i could accept it.

now, i get told that "dad will be very upset" if i don't go to church with them. i don't care, i'm not going. i gritted my teeth and sat through it for almost 30 years. it's like my mum thinks i'm still a child and everything i ever do is to please my dad. wrong on both counts.

i find xmas really hard, i like some of it like the carols and xmas eastenders, but on the whole it's a trial for me. i get sociability forced upon me from all angles.

Alex Foster wrote:Oh, the irony. They think the best way to win you over is to ask you questions you don't want to answer and they don't really care about. I'm always tempted to say, 'I recognise you're trying to be "friendly" but the way to make me like you is to avoid that rubbish. Happy holidays!'

Heh...I need to come up with something like this that is a little more serious, and gets the point across without being perceived as insulting or disrespectful. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out stuff to say that will get people to leave me alone without pissing them off. I'm not sure it's possible...

AC

How lucky am I?! Right in the middle of trying to come up with a good excuse to not go and eat with the family on Thanksgiving, I recieved a call saying we won't be gathering!

But I still have to deal with friends and co-workers when I tell them I'll be home alone on thanksgiving. They all of a sudden get this really sad look and began to offer invitiations to sit around with them and their family or bring me food.

I mean come on, no one gave damn if I ate alone last thursday or whether I ate at all for that matter. And guess what they won't care next thursday...leave me the hell alone!

sullen_girl wrote:How lucky am I?! Right in the middle of trying to come up with a good excuse to not go and eat with the family on Thanksgiving, I recieved a call saying we won't be gathering!

Heh...if you are schizoid, that is very lucky. I'm pleased to say that I managed to get out of going to the thanksgiving party today and spent some time in the book store instead. I still have to go to another family one, but it is small and won't be a big deal. Last time I ended up playing chess against a little electronic computer while they all sat around and talked about nothing.

sullen_girl wrote:But I still have to deal with friends and co-workers when I tell them I'll be home alone on thanksgiving. They all of a sudden get this really sad look and began to offer invitiations to sit around with them and their family or bring me food.

These kind of offers tend to really bother me, so I just lie when it comes to stuff like this. I don't feel bad about lying, because I don't think it is really any of their business where I was during thanksgiving.

AC

sullen_girl wrote:But I still have to deal with friends and co-workers when I tell them I'll be home alone on thanksgiving. They all of a sudden get this really sad look and began to offer invitiations to sit around with them and their family or bring me food.

These kind of offers tend to really bother me, so I just lie when it comes to stuff like this. I don't feel bad about lying, because I don't think it is really any of their business where I was during thanksgiving.

AC

they bother me too. just because they define their lives by how many people want to see them and just because they feel bad being alone, it's really annoying when they project their petty lives onto mine and assume i'm the same.