Insipid conversation

Alex Foster wrote:That's why solitary confinement in prison is considered a punishment.

That's so weird. I'd actually prefer being in solitary confinement in prison over normal life. But of course normal life is preferable to having to deal with fellow inmates - so unless I could be guaranteed solitary confinement, prison isn't a very attractive option.

Just like the rest of you, my parents also don't understand. Today one of my "friends" called and wanted to go out for lunch and do stuff together. I said I was busy watching football. My dad overheard the conversation and told me I should go with my friend (luckily I had hung up by this point). I said I would rather sit around and watch football. My dad then asked me if I hated this person. I said no, I just preferred to watch the game. He let it drop, but I could tell he was still skeptical and now thinks I have a grudge against this person or something. This kind of stuff annoys me to no end.

AC

It's kind of funny. In the last talk I had with my mother about this, I explained I felt sick having people around at all times, and that the solution isn't making friends (I don't know how this even qualifies as a solution for her). She answered I should do voluntary work in a hospital to "learn to love people". I decided to stop talking about it altogether. It's like feeling sick when you're alone (this happens a lot to "normals", as it seems) then throw you into solitary confinement. Wouldn't it actually make you feel WORSE?

Acid Crystal wrote:Just like the rest of you, my parents also don't understand. Today one of my "friends" called and wanted to go out for lunch and do stuff together. I said I was busy watching football. My dad overheard the conversation and told me I should go with my friend (luckily I had hung up by this point). I said I would rather sit around and watch football. My dad then asked me if I hated this person. I said no, I just preferred to watch the game. He let it drop, but I could tell he was still skeptical and now thinks I have a grudge against this person or something. This kind of stuff annoys me to no end.

Happily, my mother does understand--or she accepts it which is enough for me. Having told her, she seems more comfortable with my silences and that. She just gets that this is how I am and it's not about her in anyway, wahoo!

AC, you've hit on something that makes me angry--there aren't many things that make my blood boil, but the idea that just because I'd prefer to be on my own means that I don't like you. Then they call me stuck up--that I think I'm better than them. 'Well, Madam Insecurity, I *do* think I'm better than you if you take something like personal comfort personally.' It cracks me right up that they think my $#%^ don't stink (as they say) when they're the ones who seem to think the world revolves around them.

The first time I have that conversation with someone I lose whatever esteem I had for them and don't bother speaking to them again. They obviously understand nothing about me and will be offended at every turn if we remain in contact.

Acid Crystal wrote:Just like the rest of you, my parents also don't understand. Today one of my "friends" called and wanted to go out for lunch and do stuff together. I said I was busy watching football. My dad overheard the conversation and told me I should go with my friend (luckily I had hung up by this point). I said I would rather sit around and watch football. My dad then asked me if I hated this person. I said no, I just preferred to watch the game. He let it drop, but I could tell he was still skeptical and now thinks I have a grudge against this person or something. This kind of stuff annoys me to no end.
AC

i get similar to this.

my mum rings and says "what are you up to this weekend?"
i say "not a lot, maybe do some uni work, watch a bit of tv, just potter around the house"

mum "that's not good, why don't you call so and so (for instance, someone i was at school with at age 11, who landed up living near us and who i have been to art exhibitions with twice, in the last 2 years or so) - you like her, don't you, it'd be nice to see her"

me "no, i just want a quiet weekend. i might go to a gallery, i don't know yet"

mum "well if you do, why don't you ring her first? it's nice to go with someone else"

me (to self) "why can't you just get it that i'd rather do it alone?!"

Alex Foster wrote:AC, you've hit on something that makes me angry--there aren't many things that make my blood boil, but the idea that just because I'd prefer to be on my own means that I don't like you. Then they call me stuck up--that I think I'm better than them. 'Well, Madam Insecurity, I *do* think I'm better than you if you take something like personal comfort personally.' It cracks me right up that they think my $#%^ don't stink (as they say) when they're the ones who seem to think the world revolves around them.

Oh, yes. I dread going regularly to new places because total strangers become angry because I don't wait for them. We just take the same train, I am not supposed to look after you! I wouldn't care if it wasn't because I have to hear them badmouthing. How they justify this is beyond me. We don't insult them, nor make their lives impossible in any way. Unfortunately, this soft 'bullying', although I wouldn't call it that way, is quite common among mammals when one of them has detached from the group for whatever reason. They don't understand him, so they try to break him. Like always, reason is lost in these people.

I think of it like this now: if they can't deal with me being independent then I don't need them in my life anyway.

On another track--what do you consider pointless conversation? Today someone was in the store (I work in a bookshop) and was a Rambler. That's what I call people who pick a topic and natter on. This person was rabbiting on about the government. I agreed with their premise but I didn't care to discuss it. It occured to me that even when I agree strongly with someone the most I have to say is, 'Yup, couldn't agree more.'

I don't understand rehashing your own thoughts out loud. I've been through them in my head and that's enough for me.

Regarding people I don't agreed with--I don't care to argue because no minds will be changed and even if I could make them agree with me I wouldn't want to discuss it with them. Why do people care about changing other's inner worlds?

Thoughts are like people's houses--I really don't care what they do with them just so they don't expect me to decorate/run my house the way they do.

Alex Foster wrote:I think of it like this now: if they can't deal with me being independent then I don't need them in my life anyway.

Sure. But it's hard for them to step of your life when they somehow feel like they need to prove you need them.

Alex Foster wrote:On another track--what do you consider pointless conversation? Today someone was in the store (I work in a bookshop) and was a Rambler. That's what I call people who pick a topic and natter on. This person was rabbiting on about the government. I agreed with their premise but I didn't care to discuss it. It occured to me that even when I agree strongly with someone the most I have to say is, 'Yup, couldn't agree more.'

It depends on the setting. If I am having a coffee with people I've decided to be with, I don't mind. I like to listen. I'm labelled as an excellent listener, but it's hard not to be when you want to reveal yourself as little as possible. I'm interested in people as I'm interested in evolution, physics, programming or whatever fancies me at the moment. While they talk I register their way of relating and I try to understand why they've grown to be like that. As I said in another thread, it's like watching animals to me. And I don't mean this in a "I'm part of a more evolved species". I just don't feel like I belong among them.

I have to trust them a lot to discuss an important topic. I've done it in the past and people take personally whenever I show why my posture is more reasonable, which is almost always is because I wouldn't discuss a topic I haven't thought well first. I don't do it anymore. I started doing it with my girlfriend, but admitting we hold different postures on important topics just made us grow apart. It's pointless in any case. People just want to be told that they are right (outgoing people, at least). They don't discuss to reach a logical conclusion. If I happen to agree, there's nothing much to say beyond the assertion that I think the same. In general, it's better to discuss with myself.

But people that interrupt me in class, when I'm on the train or walking somewhere, or even when I'm having a coffee while I read a book, well, it just drives me mad. I don't show it, though. One of my classmates tried to approach me because he felt I was "more mature" than some them. I gave it a try, as I was still with my girlfriend and last months she wouldn't accept I was such a loner. Well, every single day this guy showed up out of nowhere, took a seat in front of me and interrupt me while I was reading just to ask me how I was. I would feel like shouting "don't you see I'm reading? Why do you think you are so important I have to leave what I am doing to entertain you?". I took a week giving him short answers to drive him away.

Alex Foster wrote:I don't understand rehashing your own thoughts out loud. I've been through them in my head and that's enough for me.

I can't understand it neither. The effort to translate them into language is too costly for ears that wouldn't try to assimilate them anyway. My languid side could have something to do with this, though. I can be a whole day with my mouth shut if I don't have anything vital to say.

Alex Foster wrote:Regarding people I don't agreed with--I don't care to argue because no minds will be changed and even if I could make them agree with me I wouldn't want to discuss it with them. Why do people care about changing other's inner worlds?

I gave up on trying to change the world, but I care about changing myself (yet). There are quite intelligent "normals" out there whose theories could help reinforce or maybe give you enough doubts to keep your inner world occupied for a while. But these are incredibly hard to find. I went to college to find some, but in my experience science students don't 'think', they just work a lot.