question: excuses?

it never seems to occur to others does it? i recently asked my mum whether a particular show was good because i was thinking of going to see it and she said she'd go with me, if no one else would. i said to her "what on earth makes you think i want to go *with* someone?". most people who know me know that i do virtually everything alone. i enjoy my time alone doing not a lot, but others can't comprehend how i'm not lonely or bored or both. i'm just not. i'm perfectly ok just pottering about.

Yes.

I don't have any friends, so the only times that I have to "sacrifice" myself is with my family. Mother's birthday, little brother graduating, etc - such events are perfectly okay. Though I am not "truly" happy about these events, I cant say they bore me/annoy me either. I like being around my family (the only people I like being around).
But when it comes to things like: "Sister having some party and Im invited" or "niece getting baptised" then I just wanna get the hell out of there. Because going to those events means speaking to unknown people, pretending to be nice and interested in other people, and pretend that you don't know they are pretending to be interested in you. And you have to answer questions that they are likely gonne forget about within 10 minutes. Those shallow events and those people just bore/annoy me...

yeah, that makes sense.

i do have about 3 good friends who know how much of a loner i am and also who live a long way away so it's ok, but living in london i have a lot of people i know, friends of friends, and because i do sometimes get dragged out to social things, and because i'm quite good at putting on a public face that pretends to care about them, they sometimes ask me to do it again.

example: recently i went to a wedding. one of my good friends was bridesmaid so i couldn't say no. i think most of the people there thought i had a good time, i chatted to people, i danced a little, but really i was thinking "oh god, let this be over so i can go home and have some me time". i ended up being given 4 people's numbers/emails, and now i have the added pressure of those people wanting a piece of me. thankfully i don't really know them so i can just delete their numbers and forget about it. but with people i've known from school and stuff it's just not that simple.

i see your point about events: i actually find family ones the hardest, because there's a level of behaviour that's expected. at least at something with my peers it's more relaxed, on the whole. family events involve having the fixed smile, the best behaviour, the looking as though you give a $#%^. at least at random gatherings you can choose to talk to one or two people and ignore the rest.

recently we've, as a family, started having xmas dinner out because mum can't be bothered to cook, which is fair enough, but i really don't like it. for me xmas is about relaxing, usually in a room on my own with a book, but even the family time is relaxed. but going out means being on good behaviour, means interacting, means putting on a public face and certainly does't mean letting go a bit. i can't stand it because it places immense pressure on me to be something i'm not. but it's not really one i can excuse my way out of.

In those instances where “I don’t want to” seems petulant, but outright lying offends your personal moral code, try this:

Stand inside your house, present your thumb and forefinger as if you were holding something (like a car key), turn your hand 90-degrees to the right and make a “ruh ruh ruh” noise. Then call the prospective host and say that you are “having trouble starting the car.”

OF COURSE you’re having trouble starting the car… you’re standing in the house holding an imaginary key and the car is in the driveway… but they don’t need to know that.

Unless testifying under oath, there’s no such thing as a “lie of omission.” If suggestible people jump to conclusions, that is surely not your fault.

(NOTE: This is more technically and intellectually honest than the “sick voice on the telephone” ruse… although ignoring any attempts at contact is the preferred method.)

I can totally relate to the scenario youve presented and I have done the "excuses" thing for many years, eventually I stopped making excuses as it felt like I was lying to myself and I hated that so I just said No thanks I am busy or No thanks I would rather be on my own and lately I have taken to saying to people No thanks, I dont really enjoy social stuff and if people phone me I just tell them, listen, why dont you email or text me instead I hate chatting on the phone!

If you persist with these firm but polite refusals, eventually everyone will sod off and leave you alone and you wont have to worry about it anymore. Yay!