Living in a shell

When things become too intense in my life, I find myself shutting down inside and not feeling anything, then retreating into inactivity. There have been times when my bills have set on the counter, unpaid. Not because I didn't have the money, but because I didn't have the energy to deal with it. The only thing that brought me comfort was to revel in my own private world of fantasy. I don't know if this is SPD or depression.

As for my views on society, isolation is antithetical to the very workings of the cosmos. Everything from ecosystems to global economies are based on interdependency. I'm the one thats out of step with nature.

When things become too intense in my life, I find myself shutting down inside and not feeling anything, then retreating into inactivity. There have been times when my bills have set on the counter, unpaid. Not because I didn't have the money, but because I didn't have the energy to deal with it. The only thing that brought me comfort was to revel in my own private world of fantasy. I don't know if this is SPD or depression.

As for my views on society, isolation is antithetical to the very workings of the cosmos. Everything from ecosystems to global economies are based on interdependency. I'm the one thats out of step with nature.

i like intense. thats why i procrastinate. think about it.

Hey, thats an interesting way to look at it. Come to think of it, its when things get really desperate that I'm spured to action.

Hey, thats an interesting way to look at it. Come to think of it, its when things get really desperate that I'm spured to action.

now your thinking like a schizoid

They say when the student is ready the master will appear. I'm learning a lot from you guys.

Acid Crystal wrote:

Artificial Lifeform wrote:You play World of Warcraft right? Is it just an activity to pass the time for you, or do you enjoy it?
You must enjoy it at least somewhat since it is preferable than say, staring at a blank wall. Is there
anything specific about the game that you get enjoyment from? If your cd was to break for whatever reason,
would you spend the effort to get another copy or simply find something else to pass the time?

AC

Yes I play World of Warcraft.
I do it for two reasons:
-I find it funny (one of my few interests is computer games)
-To pass time

I don't think there is anything "specific" that makes me play games, (or I havent been able to pinpoint it yet), I just do - coz I like em.
Yes, I would get another copy of it if I lost my WoW-account, asap.
It's the same with the maintenance of my computer. If something breaks down, I get a replacement part right away, no matter what it will cost. I nurture the few "core interests" that I have, immensly. Because without them I would be feeling even more empty than I do now.

Artificial Lifeform wrote:I don't think there is anything "specific" that makes me play games, (or I havent been able to pinpoint it yet), I just do - coz I like em.
Yes, I would get another copy of it if I lost my WoW-account, asap.
It's the same with the maintenance of my computer. If something breaks down, I get a replacement part right away, no matter what it will cost. I nurture the few "core interests" that I have, immensly. Because without them I would be feeling even more empty than I do now.

So there are some things that are important to you and that you care about and get enjoyment from. I want to ask this of other schizoids because I've often felt there is nothing (people, objects, or otherwise) in life that is important to me. I also play various computer games but it seems if I lost the ability to do so, I would find something else to pass the time equally effective. There is nothing that would hurt me emotionally if taken away from me. And because of this, I logically conclude the opposite - there is nothing I could experience in life that would really make me happy. But it sounds like it is not necessarily the case for you.

AC

Acid Crystal wrote:So there are some things that are important to you and that you care about and get enjoyment from. I want to ask this of other schizoids because I've often felt there is nothing (people, objects, or otherwise) in life that is important to me. I also play various computer games but it seems if I lost the ability to do so, I would find something else to pass the time equally effective. There is nothing that would hurt me emotionally if taken away from me. And because of this, I logically conclude the opposite - there is nothing I could experience in life that would really make me happy. But it sounds like it is not necessarily the case for you.

AC

Exactly.
But I wouln't say these things makes me "happy".
Happiness... thats just some word for me. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. So, no... I wouldnt say these few interests gives me happiness. They are just tools to fill up some of my emptiness. I would rather use the word "pleasure" to identify these feelings of non-emptiness that I gain from my interests.

Artificial Lifeform wrote:Exactly.
But I wouln't say these things makes me "happy".
Happiness... thats just some word for me. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. So, no... I wouldnt say these few interests gives me happiness. They are just tools to fill up some of my emptiness. I would rather use the word "pleasure" to identify these feelings of non-emptiness that I gain from my interests.

Right, and I know you said you don't have long-term goals for pursuing happiness or anything like that, and it makes sense to me since that's how I feel as well. But you are suggesting that there are some external things that you can get more pleasure out of than others - enough where you would want to spend the effort maintaining and replacing them instead of just seeking something else. One of the things I'm wondering about schizoid personality - does all pleasure come internally or can a schizoid enjoy external experiences? I've often felt that even if everything was taken away from me (except physical necessities like food and shelter), I'd still remain content within my own mind...I wouldn't be affected that much emotionally.

AC

But you are suggesting that there are some external things that you can get more pleasure out of than others - enough where you would want to spend the effort maintaining and replacing them instead of just seeking something else.

yes. i get more plesure out of very complicated things. the harder it is the more i want to do it. the more time i spend doing it. some ? take years to solve. some take minutes.