can you advise please?

I read somewhere that when looking at something you want to remember you can take a mental picture of it - just look at it then close your eyes and them open them again and you should never forget that 'picture'. I did it once standing on a bridge at sunset, it was a beautiful sunset, and I just have to close my eyes to see it again. The image helps a lot when I'm doing relaxation and meditation, and this I do in order to cope with everything else in my life - it helps me stay in control of things.

I would also like to point out that paranoia is quite simply a heightened sense of awareness, something that seems unique to us with disorders.

its kind of weird to me because even audio are captured like visual shots. its not a matter of remembering a whole conversation. i take sound bites. these visual and sound bites are more intrusive than would be for most people i supoose. throughout the day they flash over and over. its like im going thru them looking for something.(just a note. this is most of what i do in that daydreaming time. its like i go back and scutinize the unconcence. puting this together as if i were putting together a puzzle.
ok. what im trying to say is i dont store what i see or hear until i have gone over it neumerous times. putting it all in place. of sorts. this has nothing to do whit sczioid does it?





i usualy 1 or 2 days behind. after i quit going over those slides and move on to the next. what do i mean my intrusive. they co exist with my current thoughts.


for example. hey i would like to order a #1 with small fries *flash*(i only recall when i blink(this includes audio)

no no small fry *flash*. get it. do any of you all have this going on.



heightened sense of awareness. yeah i would call it that. but its different from the psyical enxiety that i feel. im allways in that state. but its different from the feeling you get when someone is chaching you.

i guess this is an update of sorts. i've started going to a local PD support group, which is run by the local hospital but which is mainly patient led, with one member of staff at the actual sessions. my Tdoc and Pdoc have both said that they believe i have elements of PD but they're not sure whether it's a full one or not, or which one if so.

i've been feeling increasingly like i want to isolate myself. my housemates are bugging, even with small things, and my instinct is to shut myself in a room with the door shut and never talk to them again. unfortunately they don't see the shut door as a barrier to coming to say hello to me and it bothers me because it makes me realise they're stupid as well.

i had to see my mum this week, and it was a trial to say the least. i've been feeling increasingly antipathetic since. i never want to see her again. she hasn't even done anything. i just can't deal with her in person. she should stay on the phone where i can control it.

anyway, i'm probably boring you to death. laters.

hmmm...not using capitals - is that a schizoid trait?

I can relate to much of what you're saying. Except, I feel very strong emotions, but they tend to involve places and objects rather than people. As for sex, with me its more disinterest than hatred.
As for the Bipolar diagnosis, I don't blame you for questioning it. As someone who works in the medical field, I know that "Bipolar" is often thrown in for purposes of insurance reimbursement. Most healthcare plans don't cover "personality disorders".

Layered wrote:I can relate to much of what you're saying. Except, I feel very strong emotions, but they tend to involve places and objects rather than people. As for sex, with me its more disinterest than hatred.
As for the Bipolar diagnosis, I don't blame you for questioning it. As someone who works in the medical field, I know that "Bipolar" is often thrown in for purposes of insurance reimbursement. Most healthcare plans don't cover "personality disorders".

i'm not sure i do question the bipolar diagnosis, i've had very deep depressions since i was about 11, and i've been sectioned for mania at least twice, and had more manic episodes than that. i've had psychotic episodes etc etc.

the issue for me is that i only tell the psychiatrists how i'm feeling from a bipolar point of view, so they never really get to hear about how i feel when i'm "stable". in the past one or two of them apparently suggested i had a PD but i don't know who or why.

when i see my Tdoc who's unrelated to the Pdoc, i tell her how i feel all the time and she's definitely concerned. she thinks i have a phobia of people because my physical reaction to their presence is so strong, but it's more a hatred of my space being encroached on (be it intellectually or physically) and this is a common theme. i don't do relationships in which i could be encroached upon: i keep my family and the few friends i have at arm's length (or email length) and i rarely let them impose on me. my family won't bloody stop trying so every now and then i have to see them but it's an ordeal! i never have partners because the idea of anyone being dependent on me, or vice versa, sickens me. but most of the time it's just an indifference to people, i try to ignore them.

Dogtanian,
You sound like a very complex individual. It could be that you won't fit neatly inside a specific catagory. I've spent years in therapy trying to get a definitive diagnosis. With every new therapist, its a new diag-nonsense.

yeah, that sounds very familiar. sadly. i just wish there was something i could use to put things down to. i mean, there are so many things i do that are far from the norm, various docs think i may have a PD or a mixture of other PDs, the bipolar is certain, i think. my tdoc described my reaction to others as peope phobia but i'm not sure it is, it's not a fear of them it's a deep physical revulsion. i just wish i could say "this is why i feel these things, and this is how i'm dealing with it" as opposed to "i feel these weird things and no one knows why so it's hard to deal with"

The defining difference between Schizoid PD and Avoidant PD is wether or not you want to have social connections. You mention having a deep revulsion to people. That definitly qualifies you for Schizoid.
As for myself, people just make me tired and frustrate me. I see the human world as chronically dysfunctional. There are no sane people, just varying degrees of madness.
I've found that psych often creates more problems than it eliminates. I don't want to use my diagnosis as a crutch or an excuss for inappropriate behavior. I once had a friend that was Borderline. Everytime I called her down on behavior that was distructive, hurtful, or inappropriate she would just shrug her shoulders and say,"I'm Borderline, its not my fault. That's just the way I am".
Sorry, I don't buy that. We are all accountable for our own behavior.

The defining difference between Schizoid PD and Avoidant PD is wether or not you want to have social connections. You mention having a deep revulsion to people. That definitly qualifies you for Schizoid.
As for myself, people just make me tired and frustrate me. I see the human world as chronically dysfunctional. There are no sane people, just varying degrees of madness.
I've found that psych often creates more problems than it eliminates. I don't want to use my diagnosis as a crutch or an excuss for inappropriate behavior. I once had a friend that was Borderline. Everytime I called her down on behavior that was distructive, hurtful, or inappropriate she would just shrug her shoulders and say,"I'm Borderline, its not my fault. That's just the way I am".
Sorry, I don't buy that. We are all accountable for our own behavior.

calling these personally types disorders because they are out of the norm is stupid. Who decides what normal and whats not normal. what is innapropiate behavior? not caring who is playing in the super bowl, please. We are as sane and insane as the rest of everybody else. If it isnt harmfull to the person or anyone around them then its not a disorder. its only a disorder to those in the largest part of the bell curve.

Let me clarify. I was only using the term disorder in a textbook sense. I don't consider myself disordered, just unique. I don't consider anyone else in this forum disordered, either. The fact that I come here to exchange ideas shows my appreciation for those similar to myself. I think the individual should decide wether or not they are disordered, primarily if they feel their life is being negatively impacted by their thoughts and feelings.

As for inappropriate behavior, if you doing things that are overtly bringing physical, mental, or emotional harm to others (i.e. stalking, sexual harrassment, injury, cruelty, etc.) then you are behaving inappropriatly.