what's on your mind? (off-topic thread)

^^ Go see a doctor if it doesn't stop bleeding.

HSS wrote:On a side note, my post was indirectly about some “dialogue” that I had about psychopathy. “Dialogue” in quotes: the first interlocutor ignored me

He answered, and he wrote that I am right... he was late, that's all. Glad that he is open minded. Slandered.

My mind is on the fact that I need to get my $#%^ together, so I'm hoping to have the ability to step away from here again.
This site can be like a compulsion for me.

Also on my mind, is that I've gotten a lot of what I've said instantly shut-down lately (elsewhere) - with people going straight to throwing in insults about feminism as if it's going to upset me.

I've found the moment I can clarify that I'm not a feminist, it "disarms" them and we can have rational, often even research-based conversations (even if we don't necessarily see eye to eye by the end of it).

A lot of what I've been saying for many years, is getting automatically clumped in with feminist sjws.
I need to find a new approach.

I'm not very good at diplomacy or people skills or how to stay calm instead of losing my $#%^.

I need to learn to behave calmly in manner that makes me hear the core issues people have with things and gets people to think instead of jumping down their throats.
I think part of this would involve asking questions before spouting off at the mouth

DaturaInnoxia wrote:I'm not very good at diplomacy or people skills or how to stay calm instead of losing my $#%^.

you might say you are easily triggered

anathegram wrote:

DaturaInnoxia wrote:I'm not very good at diplomacy or people skills or how to stay calm instead of losing my $#%^.

you might say you are easily triggered

Fair enough - I might say I deserved that

DaturaInnoxia wrote:I'm not very good at diplomacy or people skills or how to stay calm instead of losing my $#%^.

From observation, I'd say that you attach too much importance to minor things. I've noticed that you worry about harmless comments you make and you attribute too much personal stuff onto comments made to you.

justonemoreperson wrote:From observation, I'd say that you attach too much importance to minor things.

I have noticed that often times smaller things that don't matter to most people can be of more significance to me than the bigger things that would normally upset others.

justonemoreperson wrote:I've noticed that you worry about harmless comments you make and you attribute too much personal stuff onto comments made to you.

I'll be interested in trying to observe how personally I take things that are being said in order to learn more.

I'm going to have to try to figure out some questions to ask myself, so that I can create a filter in regards to understanding when I'm doing it - especially in the moment

Also, if you have any suggestions on questions I could ask myself that could enable me to create a filter / reason with myself, I would be curious to hear them.

Simplest one is "so what?"

Does it affect you? Does it change the way others see you?

The issue is that you're reacting, not responding.

WTF &@!#?!

justonemoreperson wrote:Does it change the way others see you?

The issue is that you're reacting, not responding.

I do offend people in real life because I lack in understanding the appropriate "give and take" of interaction and getting the willingness to match my facial expressions, etc.

It can cause me problems in situations where I have to see the people regularly.

It leads to guessing a lot of the time - and trying to figure out if I've upset someone with no proper idea and shots in the dark in figuring out why I've done so.
2/3s of the time I'm right about finding out I've offended someone and the other 1/3 the time I'm completely off the mark.

I hope to find that the reacting/responding bridge is as simple as that for me when it comes to taking things personally