what's on your mind? (off-topic thread)

Bought a growler jug so that's one more thing off my bucket list. I don't actually have a list so now I will have to come up with something else at some point.

I also quit my meds so I am curious how this will turn out. Live like a zombie and await death or cry like a baby on occasion, awaiting death but enjoy the ups.

^^ Good luck. I get what you are saying.
I couldn't cope when I came off lexapro for 6mths. I have gone back on a low dose. If I didn't have to work I would choose not to be on it.

I don't do well with anti-depressants. I went off Sertraline (among many others) but now Risperidone, which, was my stabilizer. I am in this job program where there is an understanding that we have mental health issues. I am hoping that is my saving grace. I worked for the military, a fortune 500 company and now hoping to get in the government ranks until retirement. If I wasn't married with kids, I'd be "retired".

For me, this is also the ranting thread. I think my problem is that I haven't figured out how to resolve marriage now that I don't have the resources to cope. For me, it's been an easy compromise because I have had the capacity to support extra. However, after two major breakdowns and resources depleted, I find it difficult to channel the energy to try again. Of course, I admit my mind was on the covert side so I wasn't fully aware of what I was up to. Yeah, that sounds weird but I don't know how to better explain the last 20 years. Luck?

Anyway, from a recent read on reddit, it got me thinking about how much energy is spent maintaining the balance between isolation and being swallowed up by others. In a marriage, I don't always have that choice and I believe it has taken it's toll. Going with the flow got me into this but I don't imagine that is the way out. I guess my plan is to see if it works out (because that is what I do) but wonder if I am just wasting everyone's time. I haven't figured out how to properly explain that I am pretty much done with everything. Does that make sense to normal people?

The temperature dropped 30 degrees overnight and I happen to be a deep sleeper the colder it gets. Late for work after sleeping through four alarms...

What an absolute load of !@#$%. Finally a job interview went well, and then I'm suddenly told someone else went in instead of me. The hell.

^Maybe it's time to think about panhandling.

iabsurdlyexist wrote:I haven't figured out how to properly explain that I am pretty much done with everything. Does that make sense to normal people?

Yes. Most long-term partnerships take their toll, schizoid or no.

I'm acquainted with some very wealthy people and can't understand why they wanted to get married.

Sometimes emptiness is an okay space to inhabit.
Not caring much about anything has it's upside. Perhaps if it was promoted as a positive instead of a negative, it could become a trend. I mean, if psychopaths can be made sexy through film perhaps those who feel emptiness could be considered cool. The best comedic characters are often those who are apathetic, both in real life and in film.
The Buddhists strive for emptiness; possibly a different kind but lets not argue that

Buddhist's emptiness might not be the same from a qualitative pov, but I wonder if that kind of reframing might help some on the cusp. It'd be too big a shift for the majority probably. Buddhism's different in that a nirvana state is inherently self-controlled, which gives the vacuum a sense of warmth (so the difference might be characterised as warm vacuums v. cold vacuums), and has been described as "the sensation of being awake just enough to enjoy being dead."

There'd be a way to bridge the two perspectives, but I doubt anyone knows how: things like that get knotted up in self-image, and self-image for most is part-formed through reputation (which the schizoid concept fulfills on its own) so even if its possible neurologically there are several potential barriers in the way - I guess the same as any personality shift that big. I'd say it's possible under good circumstances, with support and a flexible thinker.