At what age did you first feel that you wanted to be alone?

far from having nothing to offer drew has a great gift in that he makes me happy . Why does anyone fall in love and get married? I deal with his spd because it is part of the man i love theres nothing else to it . Yes it can feel a bit one sided at times but i know that nothing is meant personally on his aloof days . I have learnt to be thicker skinned than i was and i deal with it the best i can. He has a dry sarcastic sense of humour and that comes across in his view of society and the world in general, and it matches my own. His synicism is refreshing to me in a world where everyone bends over backwards to be politically and racially correct, and if anything he has taught me to view others opinions of myself with not just a pinch of salt but the disdain they deserve lol. Bugger im turning into him..lol

this is drew... jesus made it happen for me. i know that sounds corny but there were a lot of impossible obstacles to over come for us to be together and i prayed that it would happen and it did. all my life i have prayed for that one person i needed in my life to fill the void i felt inside of me. i used to cry when i was a kid because i was so alone. i could have had friends but they just didnt fit. so i used to sit alone and cry while everyone else socialized. that led to me splitting my personality up into different people in my mind that i could be friends with. for the longest time i was sure that there was noone out there for me. i prayed and wished on a star etc. one day i was on the net and i went to a chat site for the purpose of finding that person i needed in my heart. i went through a couple of failed internet relationships before i met lisa. i was completely honest with lisa about everything. i figured that if she was the one for me then i would just put all my cards on the table and find out. it turns out that i offered her as much as she offered me. it is fortuitous in that she is a gemini and i am a sagittarius which is a perfect match. and according to the jungs personality test we are also a perfect match personality wise. she is the opposite of me in a lot of ways. she keeps me grounded. she teaches me how to use a bit of tact at times. she for all intents and purposes is my conscious.

Ok, I understand your side of it, but's lets here it from a schizoids perspective. And I said virtually nothing to offer, not nothing to offer. Of course everyone has something to offer, but I just don't see what is so appealling from someone else's perspective seeing how the typical schizoid lives their life unless that person also was schiziod like. How would you describe yourself Lisa? Do you feel like you're schizoid in some ways.

And from the schizoids perspective I can't understand how one could make such a huge comitment like marriage. Having a friend and confidant is one thing, but marriage? Agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone always by your side? That's a huge comitment and is taking a big risk. For me, I feel like it would be impossible for me to take on that kind of commitment. I could never see myself married.

I wrote that last post before I saw your post drew, so ignore that first part. I'm glad to see marriage is working for the both of you. I hope someday I can find what you two have, but right now I don't see it ever happening.

drew here... when i was a kid about sixteen or so i had a mental breakdown. i went silent for a few months and wouldnt talk thought of suicide etc. i pulled myself out of it and focused on traveling around and trying to survive with nothing. that gave me something to live for, it gave me something to do. after a few years of that it got too easy to do. it lost its appeal. i get bored with things very easily. when i was about your age aloofiam i lost the will to live. i would pray that i could go to sleep and just not have to wake up. life was completely pointless. i didnt want to go to a store because i didnt want to buy anything. i didnt want money. i didnt want anything. i used to sleep and go on the internet. that is all i did every day. i stayed in my room in my parents house for months at a time seldom ever leaving it. i had lost my motivation to live. that is when i went searching for another reason to live. and that is when i found lisa. lisa is my reason for living. without her i may as well just lay down and die because life will have no meaning for me at all. that is why i wanted to make that life long commitment. i have something to live for now and its lisa. my full diagnosis is schizoid personality disorder, post traumatic stress syndrome, and severe depression. in addition to that i have fibromyalgia. my self esteem is non existant and most of the time i dont even like myself. lisa is my prozac. she gives me a way to deal with all of that. the way i deal with it is by focusing on her.

That was a good assed post.

I want my own lisa.

lisa is a typical gemini. she is bipolar. lol. up one minute and down the next. when we are both down we are really down and when she is up then we are really up. she makes me happy and makes me laugh and i do the same for her. we balance each other out. i think that is what i have to offer her. love support balance and unconditional acceptance. those are the same things she offers me so we compliment each other perfectly.

i think everyone should have a lisa. she is wonderful. my angel.


lisa says everyone should have a chinaman because they are good at cooking noodles and doing laundry...... lmao.....[/url]

Well thats good.

But i want my own lisa....the thing to live for. There is a type of individual who with there own lisa find life such a different experience then without. I'm not talking about any lad who finds are girl he likes. Something deeper.

ahh i see where you are going with this now..... sorry not used to deeper thoughts on a subject too much interaction with people that dont have a schizoid personality... lol.. you are absolutely right of course. it doesnt have to be a woman or a partner in life it could be anything. painting, gardening, walking in the woods, a pet, a spiritual belief etc. there are all kinds of "lisas" out there. there is a reason for each one of us to be alive on this little rock we call earth. the trouble is that seldom do people ever find that thing that completes them. we are all born with a hole in our heart. and it has a certain shape and size. like those blocks you played with as a child. it can be in the shape of a star or a key etc. but only a certain thing will fit in that hole. that is the true purpose of life. to find that thing that completes you. we are all born incomplete and we are all seeking that thing that will complete us. trouble is that people always look to the things outside of themselves first before they look inside of their own hearts. that is backwards. look to your heart first examine the shape and size of the hole wallow in it and get to know it intimately go the dark places of your mind and only then will you know what it is that will complete you.