Dumbest Thing(s) You've Ever Done

Both a few years ago.
At work a person once wrote a note saying that they couldn't work a shift and worded it "I kinda sorta can't work". I thought I'd make fun of it because saying 'kind sorta' just seemed silly.
I threw his note away and made a new one saying "I can't work, I kinda sorta have cancer".
It wasn't enough though, I wrote an accompanying poem about having cancer adapted from "there once was a man from Nantucket" or whatever it is.
I had worked at opening the next day so I actually got to see the unfolding of my joke upon the restaurant manager. I heard her read it, I also heard her call his mother to ask if he was ok. I didn't care, I just thought it'd be a matter of her saying he's fine so I just hid as I lost it in laughter.
When I returned the other manager who was there while I made the note approached me and asked if that's what I was doing with the paper the night before, I just said yes with a big grin until she told me the details.
His mother actually had cancer, and was coming down to find out what was going on. Luckily however they managed to call her and tell her there was a mistake and everything was fine but that was one occasion I earned a reputation for having a very dark sense of humour.

With the same manager another joke of mine may have gone bad. There was a sign at work that had gone up with the cliche picture of a person laughing with her friend, talking about how awesome life is and everything is just sunshine and rainbows.
Anyway someone drew a moustache on the girl, pretty standard thing to do, but I wanted to top that. I was into the 'rapist sloth' memes at the time.
I cut out some speech bubbles and attached them with the conversation:
"ahaha, and so then he said to me, do you know what rhymes with moustache?"
"what?"
"Rape"
It may have gone bad because thinking about it I think that manager may have been raped in the past.

Mrfeathers wrote:Both a few years ago.
At work a person once wrote a note saying that they couldn't work a shift and worded it "I kinda sorta can't work". I thought I'd make fun of it because saying 'kind sorta' just seemed silly.
I threw his note away and made a new one saying "I can't work, I kinda sorta have cancer".
It wasn't enough though, I wrote an accompanying poem about having cancer adapted from "there once was a man from Nantucket" or whatever it is.
I had worked at opening the next day so I actually got to see the unfolding of my joke upon the restaurant manager. I heard her read it, I also heard her call his mother to ask if he was ok. I didn't care, I just thought it'd be a matter of her saying he's fine so I just hid as I lost it in laughter.
When I returned the other manager who was there while I made the note approached me and asked if that's what I was doing with the paper the night before, I just said yes with a big grin until she told me the details.
His mother actually had cancer, and was coming down to find out what was going on. Luckily however they managed to call her and tell her there was a mistake and everything was fine but that was one occasion I earned a reputation for having a very dark sense of humour.

With the same manager another joke of mine may have gone bad. There was a sign at work that had gone up with the cliche picture of a person laughing with her friend, talking about how awesome life is and everything is just sunshine and rainbows.
Anyway someone drew a moustache on the girl, pretty standard thing to do, but I wanted to top that. I was into the 'rapist sloth' memes at the time.
I cut out some speech bubbles and attached them with the conversation:
"ahaha, and so then he said to me, do you know what rhymes with moustache?"
"what?"
"Rape"
It may have gone bad because thinking about it I think that manager may have been raped in the past.

Man, you just have the worst luck when it comes to your jokes. They were pretty funny/awesome though.

Ashlar wrote:Oh! Talking to cops! Never fun.

Cop pulls me over. My plates are four months overdue. I know they are past, but I'm actually not aware that this is the reason he has pulled me over.

This is during some BBQ festival in my town. I have no idea. He's fishing for drugs or drunk drivers.

Officer asks me if I'm high, stoned, inebriated, medicated, etc. I say no. I explain that I've never had a drink in my life (true at that point). He asks what's that while flashing his light on some sparkling mineral water cans I have in the passenger seat.

I laugh at him a bit sometimes because I find his statements funny. At one point he starts flashing his light in my eyes directly and I just stare him down through it. He says, "Why are your eyes watery then?" (a vague reference to me being stoned). I don't flinch and tell him, "Well my eyes are like 80% water."

There were some other exchanges like that. He misidentified my car type. Thought I was in from out of town. Wanted to know where I worked. Etc. Etc. It was 30+ minutes sitting in a parking lot.

Then I left with a ticket for expired plates.

My friend asked me to come to his house on new years eve a few years ago. Got stopped at a police checkpoint and they flagged me into the suspected drunk/drugged driver area. Probably because of my young age and the sports car I had at the time. A cop did all the typical tests, asked all the typical questions, and searched my car (I usually would have said no to this but I didn't want to have to deal with the hassle of getting brought in on bogus charges). In the end he said that I "failed every test" but he was going to let me go because he was so busy and couldn't prove for sure that I was on anything. I think it was just an intimidation tactic. Of course, I thought this was pretty funny in my head, because I have never smoked, drank or done any drugs. But if I had laughed out loud to him, this story probably would have wound up ending in a way that would make this story more appropriate for this thread (he seemed like kind of a dick), and I'd be saying that my big mistake was laughing at this cop. So this is actually my story of how my self control avoided another story that would have fit in on this thread.

Another story comes to mind.

I'm standing outside a bar with a friend who smokes. We didn't have much important to do. Another guy walks up and starts talking to us. He brags about his two million dollar farm, coming into town to blow his money, and talking himself up big-time. I kinda make fun of him, but not too seriously. He then hits on my male friend that's with me... or something that might pass for hitting on. Something about taking him home to his barn to make him squeel.

And I'm like, "wut?"

Somehow the guy gets into some dick measuring contest calling me a "college boy" and talking about how he served in Iraq. I think it's mostly funny. At some point he throws a particularly redneck comment out about how a "real merkin" acts. He asks if I'm 'merkin. I tell him that I'm not 'merkin. Some argument is had about how I don't think that what he considers "real merkin" is something I could identify with, despite being born in America. More dick waving about his fathers fighting in wars. I explain that I have also had relatives that served, but I stand by my statements.

He gets angrier and angrier. I don't budge. At one point he gets to within one inch of me breathing on my face like he's going to fight. He says something about, "It's been a long time since I've kicked somebodies ass." I think about it for a second, and then respond similarly with, "It's been a long time since I've had my ass kicked." It sounded really intimidating apparently. What I really meant was literally it's been ten years since I've been in a fight and lost. There was also some comment about him claiming he's going to hit me, and me responding that, "Well there's nothing stopping you." It's also fair to say I was actually trying to talk this guy down, trying to explain the flaws in his argument and view, and generally being a gentleman about things. And this guy was, at some point, talking up "shooting babies with a scattergun."

After some more #######4, he eventually backed down and walked down some dark alleyway to leave while skulking around angrily.

My friends that showed up over the course of this altercation were apparently amazed that I exhibited absolutely no fear or aggression. They tell the story better than I do. In their minds, I was taunting the guy... but in my mind I was not. I was ready to defend myself if he escalated, but I really just wanted him to understand that he was really drunk and angry and being an idiot.

Apparently when he's not totally wasted, he's not so bad, according to other friends that frequent that bar.

It's pretty neat how my 'dumbest thing you've done' post has been filled with stories of schizoid awesomeness/comedy. I think it's more entertaining reading these than schizoid mistakes.

Seriously, this stuff brightens my day a bit. Keep 'em coming.

NuB9E7 wrote::lol:

It's pretty neat how my 'dumbest thing you've done' post has been filled with stories of schizoid awesomeness/comedy. I think it's more entertaining reading these than schizoid mistakes.

Seriously, this stuff brightens my day a bit. Keep 'em coming.

Same feeling. In the past few days I came back mainly to see if this thread has anything new posts (I know that I can subscribe)
This thread deserves be mentioned in the best-of sticky next to the schizoid moments.

Azakmi wrote:

NuB9E7 wrote::lol:

It's pretty neat how my 'dumbest thing you've done' post has been filled with stories of schizoid awesomeness/comedy. I think it's more entertaining reading these than schizoid mistakes.

Seriously, this stuff brightens my day a bit. Keep 'em coming.

Same feeling. In the past few days I came back mainly to see if this thread has anything new posts (I know that I can subscribe)
This thread deserves be mentioned in the best-of sticky next to the schizoid moments.

A) you just reminded me that subscribe exists and I'm going to subscribe to this thread now.
B)Do you know how one would get a thread stickeyed?
C) Daww, I've never had a thread in any forum be mentioned in the same sentence as 'sticky' before.

NuB9E7 wrote:B)Do you know how one would get a thread stickeyed?

You could add it to this thread: schizoid-personality/topic115407.html

I had a crush on the idea of my brother's best friend in high school.
The girls who volun-told me to be in their clique, regularly exposed me to horoscopes and said mine and his signs were 'compatible'.
I went all scientific about personality and sexual stereotypes in astrology, and was curious if there was any truth behind a crack-pot astrologist's linking zodiac signs to penis size.
So, with the precedent that my crush was open-minded and liked my weird, scientific studies, I asked him quite curtly to describe his penis with unbiased opinion.
I think it freaked him out so much, that that was the reason he moved out of state as soon as he graduated.

Needless to say, trying to debunk the theories of that astrologist would decidedly amount to nil, given the social awkwardness of anatomical speculation.

Field_Medic wrote:So, with the precedent that my crush was open-minded and liked my weird, scientific studies, I asked him quite curtly to describe his penis with unbiased opinion.
I think it freaked him out so much, that that was the reason he moved out of state as soon as he graduated.

Uhh, the heck is wrong with that guy... obviously any "sane" guy would've smoothly offered to not only talk about it, but to show it too, letting you do the measuring while at it, for objectivity

Anyhow, that would've been a most interesting subject to have talk about. I do wonder however, as I've had and observed conversations about reproductive organs and the related stuff handled quite well around here. Might have to do with the sauna culture around here that makes people less likely to be insecure about talking such stuff. Now that I think of it, there are marked differences between people who have grown up in such a culture and those who are a product of families without sauna traditions and probably had too little time to be together even then. Probably correlates to the time and quality invested in sex-ed too. Certainly time and place does matter.