Does anyone want to change?

I'm sorry to say I have never really felt "love." Not even for my family. I have thought about my family dying before and how I would react. Honestly I'm not sure, but I did feel sad after thinking about it for awhile. I just couldn't see myself grieving a whole lot. You know, some people are wrecked after a family member dies. I think I could get over it relatively quickly. Please don't take this as though I hate my family.. I just don't have a connection with them. It would be like an acquaintance dying, I think. It may be different when it actually happens (I don't know).

I probably do have the capacity to love, but like most of my emotions, the well is dry.

As long as your son isn't having any problems caused by his personality, I wouldn't worry about it too much. He will know he is different the older he gets and the more forced into interaction he is (at college, work, etc.) I felt the same way. I never understood the way other people just chatted up a storm about things that I wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in.

I have other mental problems though, and on some testing my docs gave me it Schizoid personality "disorder" came up as a perfect 100 percent match for me. I dont think of it as a disorder at all. It just me. And in most ways, I feel superior to other more clingy social types. I think its mostly labeled a disorder, because socially needy people can't comprehed it, and there are alot more of them that there are of us

Is there love, just no capacity to show it? I want to understand. It hurts when I just want to rub his shoulder and he shrugs it off.

I can understand that it must be very hard being the parent of a schizoid type.

For myself it takes a drug like mescaline for me to feel and to think about my parents in emotional terms. It is the only time I have felt anything remotely like 'love' for them and wanted to tell them such. Somehow mescaline stimulates the heart in an astounding way, this can be overwhelming for someone who's heart is not used to feeling - it is for me and it is more heartfelt than MDMA. In a more tolerant society such things would be readily available.

Whether this indicates an inate potential that cannot readily be accessed or that love really is just a chemical reaction that schizoids lack I cannot say.

My guess is that in the future schizoids will be shown to have something lacking, possibly a lack of stimulation in some part of the brain, it may be something as simple as neurotransmitter or receptor levels (there's already some indication of this in regards to dopamine).