best of schizoid forum?

Oh, my mistake. Always thought you were a mod here for some reason.

Nah. Unlike just about every other mod here. I felt very odd about modding where I knew everyone already. And WL has things firmly in hand, with Icy backup. So no need.

.

Having Schizoid Personality Disorder is hard.. most people who don't suffer from this disorder get us all wrong.. they say we would rather be alone and that we don't care about people or anything in life.. while that may be true for some Schizoids, many of us actually do wish we could enjoy being around other people and we do care about life.

But the problem is that we feel little to no emotion and often have low energy. Because of us not being able to feel much emotion we can't feel enjoyment, pleasure, fulfillment and emotional stimulation from talking to and interacting with other people, so we choose to be by ourselves most of the time.

Due to a lack of feeling emotion, many of us schizoids do not enjoy watching movies, listening to music, looking at nature or working... in fact, working a job is hard for many of us schizoids because many of us cannot build up any passion, energy or enthusiasm.

One of the hardest parts of living with Schizoid Personality Disorder is that medication and therapy don't help many of us..... Everything in life feels bland, boring and pointless to many of us with Schizoid Personality Disorder....

Many of us cannot cry when something terrible happens and cannot feel happy or excited when something good happens. Everything just feels pointless and not worthwhile.

Some people who are depressed or sad feel like it is better to feel no emotion, and feel they would rather be a schizoid, but remember, if you are depressed that means you feel emotion which means you have hope of your emotion one day being happy, but many schizoids cannot feel any emotion so we never have the hope of being happy or enjoying anything in life.

Not being able to cry when something bad happens and not being able to feel happy or excited when something good happens makes many Schizoids feel trapped because we cannot express ourselves....... it creates a misery and hopelessness in many of us that is hard to deal with everyday.

As a person with Schizoid Personality Disorder I would feel the exact same way laying in bed for 5 hours that I would feel going out on a date with a beautiful kind hearted woman or going to a party.

For many of us schizoids are emotion never changes or varies no matter what we do or where we go. Everything just feels pointless boring and bland.

Many of us schizoids have to fake like we have personalities when we are around other people so we don't seem weird. That is another reason why many of us stay away from people... we just don't have many thoughts or ideas flowing through our heads.

Some say that schizoids live in a fantasy or an imaginary world, but for many of us schizoids that is not true... we don't feel any pleasure or enjoyment from fantasizing, so we don't bother...

Some say that we are narcissistic, or think we are better than others, but that is also wrong.... we don't have many feelings, including feelings about ourselves.

We do the best to take care of ourselves, but being handsome or pretty does not make us feel proud or happy, and being smart does not bring many of us schizoids any feelings of superiority or happiness... we don't have the ability to feel any of those things.

Many schizoids will not admit it because they have learned that many people will just label them as negative thinkers if they told the complete truth, but many of us are simply waiting for night time to come everyday so we can go to sleep because we are completely unable to enjoy, find fullfillment, find a passion, or find any point in life's activities.

This is hard for many of us Schizoids to deal with everyday. But we have no choice... many of us also do not get much pleasure from sex... some Schizoids may, but many of us just find sex to be unenjoyable and not worthwhile.

madjoe wrote:.

Wow. I thought WichitaLineman was back and got a bit excited. I miss that guy.
But then I saw the date.

rightmister45 wrote:Having Schizoid Personality Disorder is hard.. most people who don't suffer from this disorder get us all wrong.. they say we would rather be alone and that we don't care about people or anything in life.. while that may be true for some Schizoids, many of us actually do wish we could enjoy being around other people and we do care about life.

But the problem is that we feel little to no emotion and often have low energy. Because of us not being able to feel much emotion we can't feel enjoyment, pleasure, fulfillment and emotional stimulation from talking to and interacting with other people, so we choose to be by ourselves most of the time.

Due to a lack of feeling emotion, many of us schizoids do not enjoy watching movies, listening to music, looking at nature or working... in fact, working a job is hard for many of us schizoids because many of us cannot build up any passion, energy or enthusiasm.

One of the hardest parts of living with Schizoid Personality Disorder is that medication and therapy don't help many of us..... Everything in life feels bland, boring and pointless to many of us with Schizoid Personality Disorder....

Many of us cannot cry when something terrible happens and cannot feel happy or excited when something good happens. Everything just feels pointless and not worthwhile.

Some people who are depressed or sad feel like it is better to feel no emotion, and feel they would rather be a schizoid, but remember, if you are depressed that means you feel emotion which means you have hope of your emotion one day being happy, but many schizoids cannot feel any emotion so we never have the hope of being happy or enjoying anything in life.

Not being able to cry when something bad happens and not being able to feel happy or excited when something good happens makes many Schizoids feel trapped because we cannot express ourselves....... it creates a misery and hopelessness in many of us that is hard to deal with everyday.

As a person with Schizoid Personality Disorder I would feel the exact same way laying in bed for 5 hours that I would feel going out on a date with a beautiful kind hearted woman or going to a party.

For many of us schizoids are emotion never changes or varies no matter what we do or where we go. Everything just feels pointless boring and bland.

Many of us schizoids have to fake like we have personalities when we are around other people so we don't seem weird. That is another reason why many of us stay away from people... we just don't have many thoughts or ideas flowing through our heads.

Some say that schizoids live in a fantasy or an imaginary world, but for many of us schizoids that is not true... we don't feel any pleasure or enjoyment from fantasizing, so we don't bother...

Some say that we are narcissistic, or think we are better than others, but that is also wrong.... we don't have many feelings, including feelings about ourselves.

We do the best to take care of ourselves, but being handsome or pretty does not make us feel proud or happy, and being smart does not bring many of us schizoids any feelings of superiority or happiness... we don't have the ability to feel any of those things.

Many schizoids will not admit it because they have learned that many people will just label them as negative thinkers if they told the complete truth, but many of us are simply waiting for night time to come everyday so we can go to sleep because we are completely unable to enjoy, find fullfillment, find a passion, or find any point in life's activities.

This is hard for many of us Schizoids to deal with everyday. But we have no choice... many of us also do not get much pleasure from sex... some Schizoids may, but many of us just find sex to be unenjoyable and not worthwhile.

I have seldom read anything as heartfelt, personal, and moving as the above post. Soul bleeds out of that entire thing. Dear rightmister45, if your post doesn't scream, "personality", identity, individuality, expressiveness, I don't know what does. I wish you could catch your own touchdown pass--the pass that is your post.

Thanks to corresponding with a friend who has SPD, this forum, and other online sources, such as Nancy McWilliams's .pdf publication, Some Thoughts about Schizoid Dynamics ( https://www.researchgate.net/publication/7142775_Some_Thoughts_about_Schizoid_Dynamics ), I have gone from never having heard of SPD, to beginning to understand it.

Does anyone here know of an SPD who has read and benefited from the book, The Power of Now (TPoN), by Eckhart Tolle? I (recovering BPD) have found it an excellent, life-saving book, the most beneficial self-help book of dozens read, and far more beneficial than therapy or Zoloft.

TPoN has a small section, Emotion: The Body's Reaction to Your Mind.

My friend experiences all of the negative emotions, but none of the positive. In particular, he has neither experienced happiness nor felt love. What is interesting about TPoN is that Tolle considers negative emotions as springing from the Mind and its entrenched thought patterns, and positive emotions as emerging from the body. My friend is dissociated (?) from his body. His experiences seem consistent with what Tolle presents in TPoN.

Years ago, I underwent Rolfing therapy, a form of very expensive (at the time, I had a good job) deep-tissue body work. Before getting Rolfed, I was told that the process might release pent-up emotion. During the multi-week process, this happened only once. I was showering, and suddenly started sobbing, flooded with anger about my late uncle's suicide decades earlier. Prior to this, I had never consciously felt angry at him for leaving without saying anything. I remember the anger being very strong and very real.

My acupuncturist told me about a mountain-climbing experience with his partner. She had been pushed to her physical limits, burst into tears, and out came all kinds of issues she had been harboring about him. My impression was that their relationship progressed enormously after this cathartic experience.

My SPD friend has said he hasn't changed since he was 14. His life has been pretty much the same for 20 years. He detests all physical activity and gets absolutely no exercise.

I wonder whether any SPDs have succeeded in bootstrapping the ability to feel by starting slow, and gradually working up to regularly rigorously practicing calisthenics, yoga, pranayama, or The Wim Hof method (I have no idea what that is, but I've seen YouTube videos about it alongside interviews with big wave surfer, Laird Hamilton, whose life philosophy I respect).

From personal experience hiking long, arduous hikes that made my legs work, made me sweat, pushed me to the point of exhaustion, where I had to abandon all vanity (almost all humanity ;D), I have reached hidden pockets of emotion. Is it possible to deliberately blast open access to one's repressed emotions through hardcore physical challenge (after having gradually worked up to it)? If so, is there a way to make it safe to do so? What would be required to ensure psychological safety when stuff hits the fan? Are there some SPDs who would be better candidates for this approach than others?

Such an adventure would require great faith, and phenomenal courage to deal with whatever monsters might erupt from their long entrapment in your muscles. Because muscles hold hatred, tension, and memories, sometimes for people's entire lives.

Cholls wrote:Nancy McWilliams's .pdf publication, Some Thoughts about Schizoid Dynamics ( https://www.researchgate.net/publication/7142775_Some_Thoughts_about_Schizoid_Dynamics )

let's just wait patiently until the psychoanalysts go away

I owe everyone here an apology. I've been a 'richard' and have trodden all over your quiet moonlit glade.

Rising from the BPD, C-PTSD sea floor against all odds to a place of mostly peace and contentment, free of the anger and self-loathing which used to consume me has, unfortunately, turned me into an in-your-face self-improvement crusader.

But crusading only works when people seek you out. And all the gung-ho-ness that has helped me survive is anathema on this side of the moon.

There really *is* no limit to the ill effects a hardened @#$% like me can do. So @#$% me. I am sorry, because I have learned and continue to learn an enormous amount from reading this forum. It has been a godsend.

And, my schizoid friend has been a godsend. You think I'm hard to handle here?!?! *He* has taken everything I've had to throw at him. He's a *hermit*, a *recluse*. He's estranged from his family, is anhedonic, asexual, lives independently, and is self supporting. Many times, he hardly has any energy at all.

He hates people, but works among them so he can live on his own. He hates himself, but he's so strong it's not even funny.

He didn't need me in his life at all.

Yet, since we got over the weird rough patch that brought me here earlier this month, he's *regularly* done little things to make me happy. I'm looking for a job and he's researched and provided ideas of where I might sell my art, he's made suggestions on how I might present myself at job interviews, he's sent me web sites with things he knows I'll like. And I'm actually tearing up right now, because he's out there, on the online forum where we met, defending my posts against a bunch of (really, they are) RSS holes.

What a guy, huh? I've learned more from him than from anyone in a lo-o-ong time. Quite gallant for a hermit.

So, anathegram, thanks for calling me on it. Yes, I'm an uncouth barbarian, but learning. So, keep calling me on my @#$%, or I'll never learn. Pain is a good thing.

I didn't mean you, I meant Nancy McWilliams

people link that essay all the time, and I don't like it, because I think she's intentionally obfuscating

Thank you for being gracious, anathegram.

However, your post *did* help me look at myself. I have a very loud personality, and would like to learn to express myself more subtly. This is a very nice community you all have made here.

anathegram wrote: . . . Nancy McWilliams

people link that essay all the time, and I don't like it, because I think she's intentionally obfuscating

What parts of that essay in particular? Do you remember offhand?