Do you avoid relationships and sex?

under ice wrote:I know this isn't schizoid behaviour but nevermind.
I met someone today I haven't seen for a while, and he kept looking at me with an admiring smile on his face, as if he had really missed me and was happy to see me. Even I could figure out that he's gotta have feelings for me. I couldn't go away because it happened at an important meeting but it made me feel very uncomfortable and unfocused, and after it was over I was anxious had this horrible headache kind of thing for thirty minutes.

If I were normal person I would have been flattered because I fancy him a little (physically) and we've always gotten along well, but today reminded me that it has always been like this for me.

Aww. I know that feeling. I remember thinking once about someone, "You're pretty nice; if I could have feelings for someone, I might have them for you." But alas...

Some time ago I had no issue going out partying so I could find a gal willing to spend the night with me; and will have to admit I was very much successful. But any emotional attachments were a big "no-no" - simply feeding the beast within.

Now I am making up excuses to myself not to form any relationship and prefer sitting alone at home

I've always felt strangely about sex, like it was some sort of societal requirement, regardless of how I felt about it. I would be in relationships until sex felt inevitable and looming and would just disappear, which is kinda ###$ up but whatever. At some point, after having sex a few times and just feeling like a machine going through the motions, I gave up. It just doesn't feel worth it, like a dance I'm not very good at or interested in learning. Results may vary I guess.

-- Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:28 pm --

The good news is that now I get a lot of reading done

under ice wrote:I know this isn't schizoid behaviour but nevermind.
I met someone today I haven't seen for a while, and he kept looking at me with an admiring smile on his face, as if he had really missed me and was happy to see me. Even I could figure out that he's gotta have feelings for me. I couldn't go away because it happened at an important meeting but it made me feel very uncomfortable and unfocused, and after it was over I was anxious had this horrible headache kind of thing for thirty minutes.

If I were normal person I would have been flattered because I fancy him a little (physically) and we've always gotten along well, but today reminded me that it has always been like this for me.

I know that feel. I know that feel too well. I've been trying to mitigate it. I've been trying to train and discipline it away. So-far... it's vaguely working... but I'm as-of-yet unsure if it's going to make life better or worse.

Ashlar wrote:

under ice wrote:I know this isn't schizoid behaviour but nevermind.
I met someone today I haven't seen for a while, and he kept looking at me with an admiring smile on his face, as if he had really missed me and was happy to see me. Even I could figure out that he's gotta have feelings for me. I couldn't go away because it happened at an important meeting but it made me feel very uncomfortable and unfocused, and after it was over I was anxious had this horrible headache kind of thing for thirty minutes.

If I were normal person I would have been flattered because I fancy him a little (physically) and we've always gotten along well, but today reminded me that it has always been like this for me.

I know that feel. I know that feel too well. I've been trying to mitigate it. I've been trying to train and discipline it away. So-far... it's vaguely working... but I'm as-of-yet unsure if it's going to make life better or worse.

I understand this but I wonder if what we are experiencing is all that bad. I mean, I won't go so far as to say we've overcome the flesh (damned bowels) but we are at a logical end. When we all have our consciousnesses transferred over to our metal bodies what use will we have these empty desires? Even as we are now we are doing our, admittedly small, part to mitigate overpopulation. Why, people should be thanking us! Sarcasm aside I can't say I miss what I never liked to begin with, so it's kind of like deciding that eggplant sucks and I want nothing to do with it.

I guess my ideal relationship would be with a partner (male or female, doesn't matter much) who would sit around with me and read books and occasionally look over at me and ask

THEY:"How's your book..."
I:"Good, and your's?"
THEY:"Good."
/End scene

Not even any discussion of the content of these books, just simple acknowledgement that I am in the room and reading. This is of course unrealistic so I don't get bent out of shape wanting it.

^I'm not sure if I read your post correctly, but it wasn't the potentially sexual aspect alone that made me uncomfortable. I don't struggle to suppress/get rid of that sort of feelings and they aren't that overwhelming, so my stress in that situation wasn't caused by that. I just can't stand it when someone "resonates", because it will always end up with me disliking them actively. I think it makes me angry at myself because really there is no reason to dislike people who are romantically interested, especially if you liked them at first. Luckily in formal surroundings such as work there is no big risk of having to confront and hurt them, because I don't enjoy it at all. But surely my behaviour will change from now on.

No, I don't avoid either relationships or sex.

However, I don't go out of my way to cultivate them beyond their natural level [e.g. coworkers are coworkers, not friends I see outside work].

Sex is the same. I don't go hunting. I don't socialise, drink or party, so my contact with other people in situations that could lead to either romance or sex is pretty slim. I'm content with that for the moment.

under ice wrote:^I'm not sure if I read your post correctly, but it wasn't the potentially sexual aspect alone that made me uncomfortable. I don't struggle to suppress/get rid of that sort of feelings and they aren't that overwhelming, so my stress in that situation wasn't caused by that. I just can't stand it when someone "resonates", because it will always end up with me disliking them actively. I think it makes me angry at myself because really there is no reason to dislike people who are romantically interested, especially if you liked them at first. Luckily in formal surroundings such as work there is no big risk of having to confront and hurt them, because I don't enjoy it at all. But surely my behaviour will change from now on.

I wasn't saying that the pleasurable aspect was a problem so much as all the periphery involved. The closeness, intimacy, so on and so on. There are always a million tiny steps involved in an intimate act that just make it, to me, not worth it. My eggplant analogy wasn't very accurate, I guess. Nowadays I don't have any of these problems, being alone and all, so I've kind of forgotten what exactly all is involved, except for the broader strokes.

Eggplants don't expect you to accept them .
Having to face my actual inability to connect with another human being in a romantic way sucks. I feel like I'm underdeveloped. It's almost like emotional phantom pain. It also feels like a punishment for some reason, as if someone told me I deserve it.

under ice wrote:Eggplants don't expect you to accept them .
Having to face my actual inability to connect with another human being in a romantic way sucks. I feel like I'm underdeveloped. It's almost like emotional phantom pain. It also feels like a punishment for some reason, as if someone told me I deserve it.

I understand that feeling, a sort of phantom limb syndrome of the heart . I've more or less pushed passed it, people being eggplant and all. Relationships and sex, intrinsically linked in this telling, aren't out of the reach of all schizoids though, or so I've heard. But if they aren't on you or anyone's personal level I don't see any reason to feel left out. This is easier said than done of course. But no one 'deserves' any sort of emotional pain.