Do you avoid relationships and sex?

anagram wrote:

cobra cat wrote:why not?

How would any person get to have sex with virtually no social effort involved, within the context of society as we know it? (Remember that I did say that even hiring a sex worker involves "too much social effort".)

Looking attractive, in and of itself, is a social effort. And even assuming that women generally will attract the possibility of sex more easily regardless of whether they even make any effort to, it doesn't mean it makes the whole thing easier for them. For one thing, it means that they have to be more watchful. In my book, that's definitely a "social effort".

"they have it easier" = "the grass is greener on the other side"

There are aspects where they certainly work harder. I am just talking about this one specific thing. All they need to do is ask a guy.
http://www.elainehatfield.com/79.pdf
A woman does not have to make themselves look attractive for casual sex. They really only need to make themselves look attractive enough for a man to have sex with them, which is not all that difficult for most women.

Personally, I don't think that asking someone for sex is too much social effort. I'm indifferent to people, not annoyed or intimidated by them. If thats all I had to do to have sex, I'd have more sex.

I disagree that its a grass is greener on the other side type of thing. Both genders have their own inherent 'strengths' and 'weaknesses'. It averages out.

cobra cat wrote:Personally, I don't think that asking someone for sex is too much social effort.

If you really don't think it's that much of an effort, then all you have to do is repeatedly ask women for sex until you eventually get laid. As far as I know, that's essentially what most men do. It doesn't make sense to say women are luckier just because they don't have to make the same efforts.

I disagree that its a grass is greener on the other side type of thing. Both genders have their own inherent 'strengths' and 'weaknesses'. It averages out.

You're contradicting yourself. If it averages out (which for the most part I think is true), then how are women specifically lucky?

I disagree that its a grass is greener on the other side type of thing. Both genders have their own inherent 'strengths' and 'weaknesses'. It averages out.

anagram wrote:You're contradicting yourself. If it averages out (which for the most part I think is true), then how are women specifically lucky?

They are lucky in that regard

cobra cat wrote:They are lucky in that regard

...which is so limited in context as to be meaningless.

But this doesn't even matter. The thing is this kind of thinking gets you nowhere.

anagram wrote:

cobra cat wrote:They are lucky in that regard

...which is so limited in context as to be meaningless.

I didn't write it like that before because I thought I was implicit

I think the reason that I'm one of those relationship people is because I was with a guy for six years, and so I think I got used to having a boyfriend. I don't have any friends that I hang out with regularly, so most of my people-time or social interactions were with him. I guess I kind of freaked out when we broke up, so I rushed to find a new one.

Then there's the sex aspect of it all. I'm a horny person in general, so I think that's another reason I like being in a relationship. Since I'm shy and awkward, it's not easy for me to meet guys every time I want to fukc, plus, I don't want to sleep around like that. Sex isn't an emotional thing for me though, as it seems to be with a lot of girls. I only want to have sex cause I happen to enjoy it a lot, it has nothing to do with having a connection with someone or wanting to "express my love" to someone...

P0ppy wrote:I think the reason that I'm one of those relationship people is because I was with a guy for six years, and so I think I got used to having a boyfriend.

If you're still thinking in terms of "relating to SPD", then I must say that this doesn't seem to make sense at all. The expected outcome of the same chain of events would actually be closer to the opposite of this. Except maybe if there was an even stronger "force" counteracting the schizoid pattern, in which case the very conflict between the opposite "forces" would probably be your main source of distress. If that's not the case, then it seems to me that the pieces simply don't fit here.

I agree with you actually. I read a lot more about it and thought a lot more about it. I do have problems with relationships and like being alone, I'm really emotionally distant and numb, and those were the initial characteristics I kept reading about, so I thought it fit. The thing is though, is that I do want relationships. Not a lot, maybe just a friend or too though. Plus, I guess people with SPD aren't affected by others' opinions of them, and I admit that I am, unfortunately

Guess I was just trying too hard to put a name on my problem or something

P0ppy wrote:Guess I was just trying too hard to put a name on my problem or something

Happens to the best of us

cobra cat wrote:

So I am willing to play the dating game, but on my terms

no offens but that's what's wrong with the world
ppl want only the good not the bad
life is about what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
if you are not willing to take the bad with the good you don't want it
(i gues that's part of growing up right)
i want money but i'm not willing to work for it
gues what?
that's not how the real world works