Do you avoid relationships and sex?

Platypus wrote:

shailene wrote:My fantasy ever since I was a kid is having a robot boyfriend I can just switch off or re-program when he starts to annoy or bore me, too bad those don't exist.

That reminds me of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4gPZPKJc0s

Oh, I love that song!

Shailene, I think I relate to your experience of attempts at friendship with men. I didn't have friends since early high school, but at university there were group assignments to do and pressure to form a social group for at least that purpose. I was probably very naive and I kept having that problem where men who I thought of as potential friends were really just after sex or romance. One man was in tears as he told me his mates had taken him to a street prostitute so that he wouldn't be a virgin for when he had sex with me. (I was stunned when he told me because I had never imagined having sex with him, or wanting to have sex with him, or that he would have even thought of me that way. And that he would have sex in a car with a whore as a favour to me?! ) Another time I found that my 'group' had a bet running on which of them would sleep with me first. I'd dumbly thought I was just 'one of the guys'.

Sounds like our experiences are somewhat similar then. I've also been trying to make friends for what I suppose were practical reasons. Mainly because it's not convenient for me to set myself up for having to chat up strangers whenever I have a problem, need help with something, etc. That makes me incredibly stressed out. The part about the bet and the prostitute is interesting, I feel pretty silly now for having thought those kinds of things were only movie clichés.

I hate the way that when people say "I love you" they make it sound like it means they're entitled to something in return. I already have enough trouble dealing with people's expectations and obligations (whether they're real or a product of my imagination). It hurts me to see a man teary and bereft, and to know that I cannot help him but can only hurt him further.

Completely agree with this.

I avoid sex too because I don't seem to know how to set appropriate boundaries. I thought casual sex would mean less emotions and drama, but it doesn't.

Haven't decided how I feel about sex yet, though I'm hoping I'll come to a different conclusion. Looks like fun.

Ashlar wrote:

Platypus wrote:Another time I found that my 'group' had a bet running on which of them would sleep with me first.

These sort of males... are predominant. I went to a friends party recently where grown men close to my age were having the same sort of conversations, demeaning the women they had or were planning to have sex with, and which girls they had all shared in some fashion. Once again, I had thought that eventually people would mature out of some things, and I was wrong.

From what I can gather, most men never actually grow out of the whole "thinking of women of sexual objects" phase. They just get better at dressing it up.

Some women get better along with men because they see other women as competitors and it is a position that they find intimidating. It's true that women are often rather demanding of other people and some of them complain a lot about minor things. Many women take things more personally than men. Maybe these are typical feminine weaknesses, but not all women are like that. It's a little sad that women often make negative generalizations of their own sex.

Usually I feel more comfortable around women, but I've had more interesting and fun conversations with men. I've managed to form a few friendships with men who are either gay or otherwise different from the "average" man, who I find quite impossible to connect with on a friendship level.

SalsaShark wrote:

Ashlar wrote:

Platypus wrote:Another time I found that my 'group' had a bet running on which of them would sleep with me first.

These sort of males... are predominant. I went to a friends party recently where grown men close to my age were having the same sort of conversations, demeaning the women they had or were planning to have sex with, and which girls they had all shared in some fashion. Once again, I had thought that eventually people would mature out of some things, and I was wrong.

From what I can gather, most men never actually grow out of the whole "thinking of women of sexual objects" phase. They just get better at dressing it up.

A couple of them seemed to grow out of it when they entered a serious long term relationship. A couple more grew out of it when they had a daughter. Not many though, on either count.

I avoid it now, but there was a time that I didn't.
I used to lie about being have boyfriends as a teenager to get everyone off my back, but I was a terrible liar, since I couldn't even remember the name of my fake boyfriend half of the time.
It wasn't until college that I gave it (pun intended) the old college try.
Four very brief relationships later, despite going to great lengths to make the menfolk content and secure, I felt no scrap of affection past the sexual and the act of hand-holding.
What sealed the deal was 3 months of hell whilst dating a man I later found out was a sociopath (literally, my boss had him as a client after the breakup and motioned the court to evaluate him.)

No one around me thinks I'm happy alone, but truly, I don't feel disappointed in the slightest at avoiding the dating/relationship world. I don't see the practicality in relying on a partner to secure your happiness. Frankly, it seems...counterproductive.

This is one of the few places where I believe the majority of people get that you can be completely satisfied without a relationship.

yes I do avoid relationships and sex, I avoid it like it's the plague...and with a passion.

Now don't get me wrong, I have the odd friend here and there, but I don't want someone to be there for me on the intimate level...and I find sex putrid.

I don't specifically avoid them. I simply don't seek them out.

However, if the opportunity for sex just manages to produce itself, I don't turn away from it. And if I somehow end up meeting a woman I like, I do pursue the relationship.

But do I go out and try to meet people? Nope. Do I go out of my way to introduce myself, or to seek out sex? Nope.

That's pretty much how I roll, anyways.

I think I would always avoid traditional relationships even though internally I might fantasise about having one.

As far as sex goes I think urges are there because I'm human , but I'd rather it wasn't there or would rather society as a whole was not preoccupied with it, if it was less of a social norm for example I'd doubt we would be discussing this at all.

I'd like to have some sort of relationship but the idea of marriage or kids? Nah really not for me and also I think the population is well overpopulated already vs the expected resources we have and it's only going to get worse, in mathematics both population and energy use are following an exponential curve.


I've thought about going to prostitutes but then I thought....what's the point? They are just doing a job a service they have no attachment to me at all and I'd be awkward in the extreme...it's a minor but uncomfortable step away from your own hand and blow up dolls.