Do you avoid relationships and sex?

katana wrote:

cobra cat wrote:

katana wrote: Its not about how you look so much as what signals you send out.

I'm still screwed

Only at this moment in time. If you see everything as not being changeable, that's a really good way to be screwed, so you might want to think about why you see things that way...

what would you recommend I change?

I'd have to know how you act to tell you what to change, but if you're "playing the relationship game" you're clearly already acting in a way which isn't congruent to what you want, so you're capable of acting differently to what you want. The best thing to do would be to learn to/become able to act in keeping with what you want, and then after that, look at what you're doing with that and apply the obvious to it.
Basically, if you can give the impression you want relationships when you don't, and you're actually getting them... with a little figuring things out (probably mostly figuring yourself out) you could probably get something you actually do want.

Wait, signals? You believe that looks don't matter? Do you browse RSDNation often?

I am open to the idea of both but other choices I have made in life makes it difficult. I have been in love and can me in love again. I liked writing poems for my last girlfriend and capable of expressing emotion in that way and verbally as well.

Where things fall apart for me is my total lack of interest in the mundane details of life. I can't fake an interest. Telling me what your friend or coworker said is the equivalent of describing your bowel movements. I just don't care. It ends up an argument but the perception of the argument is also different. To them it is a major dramatic event. To me it is 2 adults having a conversation.

I have known for a long time that the key for me is finding a woman with common interests. There isn't much I do with my free time. I either play guitar and/or listen to music. Or watch science lectures and documentaries on youtube. I suppose it is reasonable to say that wanting a woman you can talk string theory with might be a form of avoidance.

It is possible for me to be in a relationship, but never yet in a "healthy one" that was beneficial to my partners. Even when I care about my SO I rarely express enough affection or caring. Mostly I just mentally sit in the backseat and let my "Mask" do the talking. I tend to choose my partners based on a "Attractive+Youth-Inquisitiveness" formula if that makes sense.

After the inevitable break up, (either she clues in and runs or I maxout and bolt) I tend to revert to prostitutes while I recover emotionally.

I have dated a highly attractive and narcissistic woman who was very controlling, I found this to be an ideal partner. It was a treat to have her make most decisions, dominate conversations in public and not emotionally intrude.

She left me for a more attractive and wealthier man.

I missed her intensely for some time.

I would like to be in a relationship — someday (maybe 5 or 10 years from now, no hurry at all). Although the first part of the previous sentence may be misleading. The status of "relationship" can never be more important than the person it refers to. If I don't like or admire someone in a singular manner, or if I don't feel comfortable around someone in a singular manner, then I'll never be in a relationship with said person. Which is probably the main reason why I've actually never been in a relationship (by any realistic definition of the word). I'm very picky.

I have no specific aversion to sex, and in fact would enjoy the opportunity of having sex with a real person without any social effort involved — which simply doesn't exist (yes, I do think hiring a sex worker involves too much social effort). But sex is by no means a priority of mine.

anagram wrote:sex with a real person without any social effort involved

Women are lucky to have that luxury, if they should desire it

cobra cat wrote:Women are lucky to have that luxury, if they should desire it

I really don't think so.

anagram wrote:

cobra cat wrote:Women are lucky to have that luxury, if they should desire it

I really don't think so.

why not?

cobra cat wrote:why not?

How would any person get to have sex with virtually no social effort involved, within the context of society as we know it? (Remember that I did say that even hiring a sex worker involves "too much social effort".)

Looking attractive, in and of itself, is a social effort. And even assuming that women generally will attract the possibility of sex more easily regardless of whether they even make any effort to, it doesn't mean it makes the whole thing easier for them. For one thing, it means that they have to be more watchful. In my book, that's definitely a "social effort".

"they have it easier" = "the grass is greener on the other side"